Trouble in Paradise
ReturnOfKuus
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Okay, here's where I get judgy.
People need to stop having kids with people they're not married to.
Yeah, yeah, I know, marriages go bad too, but it seems like there's a rash of outrageous f*ckery on these boards lately involving crap relationships with crap guys, and women who don't want to leave because they have kids with the guy, or crap marriages with crap guys that the women married because they already had kids with him and were stuck with him anyway. And yeah, I know relationships do and should involve sex when they're serious, but I can't help but think that there's no way some of these couples knew each other well enough to risk procreating, they're so hideously mismatched.
Go ahead and tell me why my pearls are out of style.
Re: Okay, here's where I get judgy.
Agreed. My cousin had a baby with his girlfriend. They didn't want to get married because he didn't know if he wanted to make a committment.
Helllllloooooooooooo buddy.
Pearls are classic, kuus, baby. lol
I've been that stupid. I've learned my lesson and I'm agreeing with you wholeheartedly.
Click me, click me!
This is what I will NEVER understand...
How is someone good enough to create an ENTIRE NEW HUMAN BEING with, but not good enough to have a piece of paper say that you're legally bound together?!
Do people not get that children are a MUCH bigger (and more permanent) commitment than that piece of paper?! If you aren't so sure about marrying that person, keep that shyt wrapped up. I get that accidents happen, I totally do. But I know full well that a lot of the fvckery Kuus alludes to wasn't an accident at all. They just really think that kids are less of a big deal than marriage.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
I'm judgy on this as well. I cannot comprehend the thought process behind planning for a baby out of wedlock, like it's some sort of relationship milestone or test. Or he'll, like it's some sort of status symbol. Get a dog FFS.
Getting married because of a pregnancy is also a dumb idea. I have a feeling that most of those relationships would have run their natural courses if a baby hadn't been introduced. But like you said, now theyve shoehorned themselves into a commitment that should have never been.
Source: twoscottiesgal.blogspot.com via Amanda on Pinterest
I am judgy as well. I'm of the opinion that unless you're married you have no business having kids.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
This, this, this! Especially the bold parts.
And it seems to be an increasing epidemic of people getting knocked up outside of wedlock like it's no big deal.
Granted, marriage isn't guaranteed. But you are so blind to reality if you think that having a kid with someone who you have not decided to have a real commitment with, is any more of a guarantee.
To us, all marriage is a piece of paper, and a ring. Now if someday our kids would feel better if we where married, then we might consider it, but as of right now it's not something we feel the need for.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
You know, I really hate that people do this, too. Dogs are not pretend babies. FFS a dog might live to be 20, whereas with a kid you're only legally obligated to take care of them till they're 18.
Yeah, no, I'm judging you, too. All of this is stupid. If it doesn't mean much to you one way or another, why are you avoiding it, when the reality is that it would offer you legal protection in times of crisis that you wouldn't have otherwise?
I know this varies by jurisdiction, but isn't common law marriage generally recognized as legally binding- as in, you would have to go through divorce proceedings if you were to split up? I guess I don't understand why you would hold yourself out as being common-law married while also stating you don't need recognition from the government in order to be committed to each other. But I live in a state that doesn't recognize common law marriage, so maybe I don't understand how it works.
Do common law couples have the same rights and benefits as couples whose marriages are solemnized, for things like inheritance, social security benefits, and hospital visitation? How do you file your taxes? Sorry- I know this is getting away from the topic at hand.
Where I live, if you are common law then you have all the same rights as someone that is married. My husband and I lived together for nearly five years before we got married (no kids) and we filed taxes together, were on each other's benefits, was listed as each other's beneficiaries and next of kin, etc ? We only got married because it was important to my husband (throw back to being raised in a religious household) while I couldn't have cared less.
I get that it is probally different depending on where you live, but in a lot of places, common law and married are not really any different.
I think that it should be more important to make sure that you really know the person that you are having kids with and that you know they are responsible enough to take care of a child BEFORE you start having kids. That's where a lot of problems (or at least the ones I've seen) come from.
common law marriage only exists in a few states; it's not avaible in most states. It doesn't just automatically 'happen' either, just because you're living together. You have to actually put yourself out as husband and wife to the public with the intent of being married right now. Saying "We're not married and have no intention of ever marrying because we think marriage sucks" would negate any argument that you are common law married, even if you lived together for fifty years in a state that recognized common law marriage.
Thanks- that clears things up a bit. Or muddies the waters more-I'm not sure which.
The state of Colorado recognizes Common Law. In fact if you live together for more than 3 months, it can be recognized as Common Law. If we where to split up we would have to file for divorce. Yes we have the same benefits as married couples. We file joint taxes, he is on my health insurance, and we are each others beneficiaries.