Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: What's your stance on lending family money (long)?
Would I give my sister money for rent? Yep, in a heartbeat. And a lot more than $300 if she needed it.
Would I give my alcoholic father money? Nope! I won't enable him to keep making bad decisions with his life.
For your situation, keep in mind if you give her the money, you have no more control over her decisons on spending and working than you do right now. You will likely just get more frustrated. I would give her the $300, but say, this is the one and only time you will be able to.
Everyone has already said what my opinion is. Don't give money to family members if you must have it back. Give it with the expectation you'll never see it again. If you're OK with that, then so be it.
I would give money to your sister in this situation, but probably only because of the children. But, I'd probably also butt in and suggest your sister find a temporary/seasonal job during this difficult time. The kids need a roof over their heads and food on the table much more than they need a mother at home 24/7.
DH and I never lend money to people. Our "rule" is that if someone needs money and we have it AND are okay with giving it to them, we do. With that is the expectation that they will not pay us back and we will be out the money.
It looks like you have already sent her the cash; with everything you've written, don't be surprised if she comes to you again asking for money. Like PP have said, you are not obligated to give her anything except perhaps "I'm sorry, we won't be able to help you out again."
If her DH is truly disabled from his back injury or disabled from drugs or alcohol, then she really doesn't have the option to work a seasonal-type (minimum wage) job.
I would give it to her. Tell her Merry Christmas, you can have it, but it's all we have and there are no more gifts coming.
We don;t loan anyone money.
My Planning Bio
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HELL NO! I would never loan anybody in my or my husband's family money. I've had way too many bad experiences in that department. First and foremost, you should only loan money if you are okay with it being a gift. First major rule is to never expect to see it paid back. More times than naught, they will never pay it back. Also in my experience, once you start loaning money - they come to expect it and will continually ask you for money until you finally say no. Then you have to deal with the relationship becoming tarnished because you always used to help them, but now you're not anymore. I would just say no from the start and avoid any issues to begin with.
I've been dealing with this kind of crap from both my brother and my sister-in-law and it's a vicious cycle that never ends. They constantly need money from the family (they are ALWAYS asking for handouts), but when we talk to them they're thanking waiters for refilling their coffee or at a fast-food place ordering take-out. Really?? Yet they have no money to pay their own bills. Their poor money management is not my problem.
Sorry for the rant - but this one really set me off. It's a little too personal for me. I deal with it everyday with both of our families!