International Nesties
dulcemariamar1
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Do you think it is selfish to have one kid?
I think I saw this post on the PCE board last week. I was just wondering if you think it is selfish to have one kid if you money to have more than one. Are you close to your sibling? I really enjoyed having a brother growing up but now that I live so far away we are not that close any more. I guess it will be nice to have family when my parents are no longer here.
Did anyone here grow up as an only child? Is it that bad? Did you enjoy getting all the attention?
Re: Do you think it is selfish to have one kid?
I don't think it's selfish at all. Some people can't have more than one or there might be other personal reasons they decide to only have one child. I am an only child and although I joke about how I used to have to play Barbies by myself or board games (hey! You get to be EVERY token in Monopoly!), it wasn't all that bad. I do have some tendencies which I call "OCS" (Only Child Syndrome), sometimes I don't like to share, sometimes I'm a bit whiny (hey, I owned it), sometimes I have a tendency to talk about myself, and I treasure my alone time, but those aren't things that necessarily pertain to people who are only children.
Personally, I would like to have more than one child, if that is in the cards for us. It would have been nice to have a sibling to goof off with, (you can't blame anyone else if you do something wrong hehe), or on family trips, would have been nice to hang out with someone else besides my parents. However, what if we have one and then can't anymore? Or decide that one is enough? Then it definitely isn't the end of the world.
Travel Blog
Little Miss Lulu playing on the beach
We battled with this as welll, but I don't think it is selfish. My husband was close to his brother, but he died 10 years ago in a car accident. I have 2 brothers that I have not talked to in years and typically I only get contacted if they need money.
We like our family of 3. Could we afford more and could have more..yes. But we decided its not for us.
Good question - I'm excited to read what people think!
Although we're technically undecided, I am pretty sure we'll only have one child. I don't think it's selfish.
I have an older sister and we weren't super close growing up and we aren't now.
On the flip side, and I'm sure that this will be an unpopular opinion, but from an environmental point of view, I think it's pretty selfish to have a large family.
I don't think there is a wrong choice with this. Honestly, at this point I'll feel pretty lucky if we manage to have 1 so I'm not planning on anything. However, my intention was always to have 2 and then adopt if we could afford to have 3. Like LittleRed, I have some strong opinions about the environmental impact of going over 2 children.
DH and I are both 1 of 2 siblings and I can't imagine my life without my brother / DH's sister in it. We were really close growing up, drifted apart as teenagers, but are close again. My SIL is one of my best friends.
My dad is an only child and when he and my mom were having trouble having children, they almost stopped at me but my dad really, really hated being an only child so they were lucky and had my brother.
BFP Apr 2012, EDD Dec 19 2012 * twin h/b at 6wk, 9wk scan * Baby A lost at 12wks, Baby B was my rainbow born at 36wks
I think that people should carefully consider how many children they want and can afford to raise. If it suits a couple's lifestyle and budget to only have one child, then there is no reason they shoudl have more. If another couple wants to have twenty kids, and they can afford (and emotionally support) all of them, then they should be allowed to do that too.
I don't think it's "selfish" for people to assess their parenting ability and financial situation and procreate accordingly. There is nothing "selfish" about not giving your child a sibling.
I don't think it's selfish at all. I have a sister and there are so many years between us, we pretty much grew up as only children anyway.
To play devils advocate here, from a child's viewpoint, one could say it's selfish to have more than one. A professor I had explained it perfectly:
Imagine you are happily married and have 100% of your spouses love, attention and resources. One day, your husband comes home with a new wife. Looks at you and says "I still love you, but I love her too" You both will now have to share my time and attention and resources. Oh, and you too will have to love her, get along with her, play with her and share your stuff with her.
Now really, how well would that sit with you? Because that is basically what you are saying to child #1 when you bring home child #2.
Just to clarify, I dont think it is selfish to have one kid. I just wanted to start a new post.
Perhaps, some people think it is selfish when people only have one kid when they can afford to have more. I dont have kids, but people have told me that for them it was a big adjustment to go from 1 to 2. I guess if you have one kid, you probably have more money and time so some people decide just to have one kid.
If you only want one child, then I think it is best to only have one child. It is kind of awful to have kids that you don't actually want, isn't it? That isn't fair to them IMO.
H and I each have two siblings and both wish that we had even more because we had so much fun with them, so I don't think we would just have one. My mom and MIL are both only children and as adults, since their parents are gone, they don't really have any close family. It is kind of sad.
Duke's House: Eating and Running with the Big Dog in Chennai: eatrunbrit.com
2010 Race PRs:
5K - 24:57 10M - 1:28:20 13.1M - 1:57:29 26.2M - 4:28:29
I'm one of five and my dh is one of four. Neither of us can imagine only having one child. We both get on well with our own siblings and the other's siblings too. I can walk from my house to one brother and one of dh's sisters in 15 mins, another brother and my sister within 30 mins or so... Up to a couple of weeks ago, all of our siblings and parents were all living in the same city (dh's older sister moved to the UK a couple of weeks ago) and I think that is pretty special.
And my brother's wife looks after my lo while I'm in work and she loves the attention she gets from her 4 cousins! I can't wait for her to know her cousins really well as she is growing up!
But I dont agree with this. In life you are going to have to share time and attention with other people. If your parents work, then it is not like they spend 100% of their time with you. When you get older, you have to share things and resources with other members of society.
Most of what you listed are choices/degrees of involvement that you get to make as you get older. Sure, I share my time and resources with H, but I chose to do that. My dad didn't walk in, sit H next to me and go "here. Love him and play with him"
Having to share/live with a sibling is just foisted upon you.
Yeah I don't agree with this either. Sharing a husband is way different than the love of children. This makes me think the professor needs therapy in a big way on account of his childhood!
I don't think it's selfish, just like how it's not selfish not to have kids. Being an only hold doesn't mean your child won't learn how to share or make friends. My BFF is an only child and she considers her close friends to be aunts to her child. Se will be an aunt to mine as well, even though I have a brother. Is it a bit sad that she doesn't have childhood sibling memories, sure, but she's no worse for wear.
I get the point your professor was trying to make, but I don't think this analogy really works. The relationship between a husband and wife and the relationship between a parent and child is not the same. Adding a sibling is not the same as polygamy.
This.
Travel Blog
Little Miss Lulu playing on the beach
Adding a sibling is not the same as polygamy.
At the time, I took from it that he was trying to point out that, from the child's viewpoint, it is the same.
I really wish I could remember what class this was for and what we were studying that this came up in so I could give it some context. You would think it was a pysch class, but it wasn't.
No, I don't think it's selfish, but I'm one of those that doesn't give a crap what other people decide to do with their family choices. I definitely want W to have siblings because I can't imagine my life without my brother and sister and I want him to have the same.
I don't agree with AMrs's professor AT ALL. The love you have for your child is different than what you have for a husband/wife. Not a good analogy IMO.
I don't think it's selfish to have one child.
I do think it's annoying to judge the decisions of others either way on this point. If you have no children. If you have one child. If you have 5.
I know the envioronmental point that littleredbuttons brings up is a real concern, but this argument bugs me. If a person is so concerned about the environment/overpopulation, they shouldn't have any children. We all waste, pollute, etc in so many ways I think it's overly simplistic to point to having x number of children as a specific environmental wrong.
My Blog
Not at all. As as only child I don't remember ever feeling like I was missing out by not having siblings.
I guess I do have a bit of that OCS jupiter mentioned - I do need my own space & time to myself a bit more often than others but I also learnt to like my own compnay and entertain myself so it all balances out imo.
This is an interesting thread, we really struggled to get pregnant the second time around and needed IVF, for anyone who remembers the 1st time wasn't a walk in the park but Otto cam to us much easier than this one.
DH and I have always wanted 3 children, we are both have one other sibling that we weren't close to growing up but I don't feel like that has impacted on our decision too much. We really wanted at least two though for many of the reasons stated, what happens if we die early and they are all alone, having someone to be with you was a big deal for me.
But IMO no child rearing decision is selfish or otherwise, unless of course you are just getting pregnant to get more welfare, that I really have a problem with.
I don't think it's selfish, but I do want more than one. I love having sisters (2) and we are very close. My DH would probably say having only one kid is weird, because from what I've seen, it's almost unheard of in Ethiopia to have only one child. He is one of 5.
Some people though would say it's selfish to have MORE than one child because of the environmental impact.
DH sometimes brings up the overpopulated planet argument. I get that we are all a "burden" to the planet in a way but looking on the positive side what if the child to be born is going to be brilliant and come up with a solution to a burning environmentalist problem? Also, would two children who are brought up environmentally consciously always leave necessarily larger footprint than one child? The results of some life cycle studies done here at our university surprised me quite a bit in that when you add the numbers up the end result is not always what one would expect to be a logical outcome.
I don't think that it is selfish to have one child, it is a decision that every couple makes, no different from having no, 2, 3 any number of children.
For me personally, it was incredibly important to give DD a sibling. I have a sister whom I am very close to and even though a I have a couple of very close friends the relationship with my sister can not compare. DH is not close to his siblings and would have probably fine either way so at least in our case our relationships with our own siblings played a major role.
I don't think it's selfish to have only one child
But I will say that I am happy I had siblings growing up. They were a pain sometimes but also we have a ton of memories that we still talk about to this day. It's also nice to interact with them now as adults. And it's also fun to be an aunt. I'd be so sad if I had a kid and he/she had no siblings. I would want my kid to experience the joy of having siblings.
Hell no.
Anybody who says it's selfish is a twat.
I agree with this. I really have nothing invested in other people's choices as to how many kids, if any, they have, and don't get why people do. Have 1. Have none. Have 10. Would I have 10? No way. We knew we wanted more than 1. We also would love to have a 3rd but financially, with private school and trips to the UK we think it isn't the right decision for us. But it annoys me when I mention it and family members think we are all set with 2, a boy and a girl.
Also the analogy from aMrs's professor is ridiculous, IMO. It is so silly.
Selfish? Nah.
But the sibling experience, as others have referenced, is something I really value. It's not just having someone who's close to you; it's having someone who understands things about your childhood and family structure in a way that no one outside of your family could. I don't think this is inherent in sibling relationships, but for me, it's one of the most valuable things in my life. And that makes me want to have more than one child.
I agree with this too.
I don't think it's selfish to have 1, even if you can afford more. It's not just about money, it's about time and energy too. I mean, you might have money to support 25 kids and have them be raised by nannies and if you go with the amount of money = amount of kids rule, that should be okay. I personally think having multiple kids and not having time for them is much more selfish.
Having more than 2 kids is starting to become a status symbol (at least in NL) showing 'see, I can afford them', which I personally think is the stupidest reason of all to have children.
I guess every family knows for themselves what their perfect number is and or how far apart they need to be, whether they should be biological children, or adopted. It's all a personal choice.
Honestly, while I'm typing this, I'm thinking of something else. I think it's selfish to have a whole soccer team in biological children without adopting any. There are SO MANY children waiting for forever families, if you really think you need to have a dozen or so kids, I'd say go with just a few of your own, and adopt the rest. Those children are already there and desperately need homes, a couple's unfertilized eggs/unused sperm really doesn't care!!
My food blog
What I'm looking forward to in 2012:
Eating our way through (northern) Italy on vacation
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home DNot at all - on so many different levels. I think sometimes it's selfish to have more than one, when you can't cope or provide in the way a child should be. Add in the environmental aspect, and yes, I think it can be selfish to have multiples. Or any, for that matter...
I do, however, think that having a sibling is the best gift you can give. The first bit has been difficult, and I still struggle with sharing myself out between the two children, but I can't imagine my life without my sister, and hope that W and M feel that way too one day.
I don't think it is selfish to have only one kid. I think every family has their own reasons for having the number of children they choose. Personally, I enjoy having my 2 siblings and H has 3 siblings so we will have more than one even if it means adopting. I say 3-4 and H says 2-3, so I think it will be 3 but again this will depend on what we can manage.
I do think it's selfish to have only one kid, just to have a kid because you feel like it's something you are supposed to do rather than something you really want. Recently I was out to dinner and at a table near us there were two parents and a child about 8, they didn't speak to her or engage her in anyway. This made me sad for that kid. I also think it's selfish to have many kids that you can't afford. So I think it's more the circumstances that make it selfish, not the number of kids.
I think to say environmental impact is greater with more children is a broad statement because like others said, less people can have more of an environmental impact then more people who are more eco-conscious.