Don't know what to do - need unbiased opinions

sprky79 · November 2011

I am always amazed about the people who flip out about being ONE WHOLE HOUR away from their families. Mine live 1000 miles away, and we still manage to have a relationship.

In short, your parents need to shove it.

EastCoastBride · November 2011

sprky79:

I am always amazed about the people who flip out about being ONE WHOLE HOUR away from their families.

That cracks me up to. Living in the Baltimore/DC area, that's a pretty common daily commute for a lot of people. And many of our friends live about 45 - 60 mins away, and we'll happily get in the car and go see them every weekend!

sprky79 · November 2011

EastCoastBride:
sprky79:

I am always amazed about the people who flip out about being ONE WHOLE HOUR away from their families.
That cracks me up to. Living in the Baltimore/DC area, that's a pretty common daily commute for a lot of people. And many of our friends live about 45 - 60 mins away, and we'll happily get in the car and go see them every weekend!

Seriously! I live in Chicago, and we drove that far just to go hang out with friends this weekend!

*mind = boggled*

schuette2 · November 2011

As pp's have said, your parents shouldn't have a say in this. What you do should be best for your family, and they need to understand that.

My DH and I are 15 minutes from my parents, 5 hours from his. Once he gets a different job, this is bound to change - and we won't be taking into consideration what our parents want.

wildstyle · November 2011

I live in a rural area - I think I drive that long to get to the store!

srgw · November 2011

I am always amazed about the people who flip out about being ONE WHOLE HOUR away from their families.

My family is 2.5 hours away. H's family are states away.

I can see both sides of the traveling distances to see friends. Where I grew up spending an hour in the car to see a friend seemed wrong. Now I live in the Seattle area and our friends are half an hour to an hour away easy.

laurakaz13 · November 2011

Muddled:
greenbean79:

Driving DS to their house from Town C would involve driving 30 mins on the highway/freeway......in which case they tell me I'm risking DS's life driving him on the busy highway everyday. Another guilt trip.

Seriously? That's when you say, well, I guess you won't be seeing your grandchild much anymore seeing as you don't want to come here and I shouldn't be driving on the highway.

Tell them they are being ridiculous and then quit including them in things that don't involve them. You are an adult, are you not?

Seriously!!!??? Oh FFS, your parents are jerks. Are you going to keep your child trapped in this little bubble and never drive him anywhere b/c your parents are crazy? Really? Listen to all the PP's. They are full of wisdom.

Personally, I'm surprised your H isn't totally annoyed with you b/c of all the power you give your parents. How old are you?

kcgrl · November 2011

Dh and I would chose Town C because it's the half way point for both of us (you).

Parents should not be included in your decision. GL

5thOfJuly · November 2011

After they made the stupid, "You shouldn't be driving on the highway comment because it's bad for the baby" that would have made my mind up for me. They will absolutely be the kind of babysitters who do things "their way" regardless of what you and your DH, as parents, want.

Daycare sounds lovely.

JoEsther · November 2011

greenbean79:

Thanks for the replies everyone. They definitely help.

As for what I want, ideally, I would also like to stay in the town where I grew up, where my parents live...but I am not sure it is best for my family and therefore would compromise to move to town C.

My parents are also saying that moving to Town C and putting my son in daycare 3 days a week is not best for him - basically telling me my DH and I are being selfish. They make it sound like i'm not thinking about what would be best for my son and that what is best for him is for them to babysit. It makes me feel incredibly guilty because leaving him to go back to work will be hard enough on me...i dont need the extra guilt. I honestly don't think daycare 3 days a week is that bad. But moving somewhere that will make me and my husband unhappy/argue...that will be bad for my DS.

Your parents telling you that you're being selfish is actually THEM being selfish - they want what they want, and they're using emotional blackmail (telling you you're being selfish) to try to get it. We're talking about YOUR family - you, your husband and your child. NOT your birth family. YOUR family comes first, and this is a decision you and your H have to make together. Yes, you can consider others' opinions and beliefs, sure, but if you don't make it together and feel good about it, together, this is the kind of thing that can come back and bite you in the butt really, really fast.

And go see a therapist for your depression. You don't need that right now.

HTH. GL!!

alithebride · November 2011

you're old enough to get married and give birth. you're old enough to stand up to parents. do what you and DH want to do AS A FAMILY. if they dont like it that's tough. it's not the end of the world.

peanutkls · November 2011

You and Your Husband need to decided what is best for you, also I would look around in all of the cities and see what best suits ALL of your needs. Don't make a final decision until you look around, and I don't think its fair to any of you if your husband has to drive an hour to work everyday, that's 2 hours that he has away from his family as well as a lot of money in gas which is super expensive.

randomCanadian · November 2011

The only thing I can add to everyone else is look for a house to rent in town C vs buying. Give it a year to make sure the arrangement works for you and your husband before you commit to living there for a long time.

jenny1980 · November 2011

Agree with others re: your parents having way too much influence in your decisions.

Something else to consider: these are not the kind of people who would be able to follow your wishes when it comes to caring for your child. There is no way I would consider them watching DS even part-time. They're just going to make the choices they think are best and will disregard your parental authority.

J+R · November 2011

You and your DH need to decide where to live... while I'm sure your parents love being able to see the baby all the time - they don't get to decide this. And if you allow them to decide, you are going to have huge marital problems. Decide with hubby.

Sue_sue · November 2011

Why do your parents have any say at all in where you and your dh and child live? Why would you add to your dh's burdens by making him live an hour from his job, just to please your mommy and daddy?

For pity's sake, grow up and do what's best for your dh and child. Stop sharing with your parents, and make your decisions without their input.

MarriedinCali · November 2011

You, your H and your baby are your own family. Your parents can provide as much input as they want- but you two have to make your OWN decision as adults that will benefit your new family. Living an hour away from family isn't a horrible thing either.

jemmini6 · November 2011

jenny1980:
Agree with others re: your parents having way too much influence in your decisions.
Something else to consider: these are not the kind of people who would be able to follow your wishes when it comes to caring for your child. There is no way I would consider them watching DS even part-time. They're just going to make the choices they think are best and will disregard your parental authority.

This! If they are belittling your marriage this much now and trying to take over the choices that are yours and your husbands alone, I can only imagine how they'll take over raising your child. They will completely disregard anything you tell them about how you want to raise them, because apparently they think they know better than you do.

Out of sheer curiosity, how old are you?

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