Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
On the verge of a divorce
Hello. I am new to the nest boards. I use to go on the knot and use those forums when I got married , under a different name. I go to therapy with a psychologist , long story short , I started going because I took the MMPI-2 test which is a personality test , to prove that I did not have any mental illness. But its a fairly common text. But anyway i stayed on for therapy sessions . i finally got my H to come to one and it helped a little but we have another one scheduled this week.
Anytime my husband and I have a conversation about anything he writes me off, usually by saying something along the lines of oh " your just being negative" instead of actually listening to whats being said. Or if I say " I'm not comfortable with XYZ ". He would say " If you don't like it leave. We can get a divorce. get out of my house." Over the smallest things.
But to me all these small things are adding up. I don't feel he is upholding his ' marriage responsibilities " and lets people walk all over us. Anytime I bring up something I almost feel like he uses the "I don't care " and stuff will just fall into place on there own attitude . He seems like he also uses " what options least effect me at the moment attitude". He is also doing ultimatums for instance, I am a stay at home step mom so I wanted to get a treadmill off CL for $50 so I could exercise while the child napped. I was talking to DH about it and he said that was fine. So I would show DH ads for treadmills I found. Well about 2 months and still no treadmill. I needed more clothing so I asked H for cash and he like "Here's $50 you can buy cloths, your treadmill, or whatever you want." I was like " But you already said I could get a treadmill." Then he was like " Well you can only have the treadmill or cloths. " That's just one example.
I know some might think its petty stuff . But there's so much more . But I was wondering if anyone had any advice for me when we go to the therapy session? Thanks in advice.
Re: On the verge of a divorce
Basically. Since I SAHSM I don't make my "own" money. But thats a huge issue we have too. I use to go out maybe 1 time a week during the week maybe go to lunch and I would ask H for $20 and after a while he started to flip because it was costing him "to much money" . Basically I am at my last straw.
This isn't petty - it's controlling and abusive, and indicative of a crazy power imbalance in your marriage. And these aren't even your kids, but his that you're staying home to take care of? Wow.
If I were you, I'd get a job and tell him too bad, he's going to have to pay for day care. And I'd use MY money from MY job to get my own place and a good lawyer.
See, when you get married, "his" money becomes "our" money, especially since you're taking care of his kids all day long.
Long story short my MIL tried to run around and tell people I was Bipolar and OCPD . Which is false and the test proved it. I did the test mainly so my stepchild's mom wouldn't try to use it in court and we could prove I already took the test.
I SAH and I can't imagine how totally isolated and oppressed I'd feel if my H handed out our money to me in dribs and drabs like I was a 4th grader getting an allowance for emptying the dishwasher.
This is weird on so many levels, dude.
And how did your husband handle his mother?
You need to GTFO of this situation.
This.
I have a LOT of respect for SAHM, and I have a lot of respect for you being willing to SAH with kids that aren't yours'.
However, it's obvious that your H doesn't agree.
What are you looking for in marriage? Are you getting that?
You don't have a partnership. It seems like you are a glorified nanny, but even a nanny gets a paycheck. I think you should listen to him when he tells you to leave.
He did pretty well in the beginning but then my ILs went off the deep end and gave him a print off about OCPD and even highlighted sections and all. Then I guess DH read them and wasn't sure if I had any issues so he waited till the test result came back. Then he went to one of his therapy sessions with his mother. Brought the results and told her that she has alot of work to do.
At this point nothing.
Run as fast you can out of this relationship.
Then, keep going to therapy to figure out why you stayed with such a controlling @ss and spend some time learning how to be assertive and stand up for yourself before you even THINK about dating again.
Best of luck with everything!
Well actually I do get something ........ a headache.
Well then, there's your answer as to if you should stay or not.
Well, let's see...
If you stay, you get; a headache, disrespect, non-paid babysitting job, a b!tch of a MIL and an ass hole husband.
If you leave, you get; freedom, respect, possible alimony, possible back pay, your own money, etc.
Obviously you see what side the scale tips toward.
Edited to thwart the Nest God censors.
http://pandce.proboards.com/index.cgi#general
So you stay home, watch his kid for free, and apparently he cannot give you money for clothes or an exercise device?
Please get a job, and get out of there.
He sounds like an emotionally abusive, controlling jerk.
Read this, then get out and get on with your life.
To Women From a Man: You are not Crazy.
Things that are wrong with this post:
7. Yeah sorry its my dyslexia kicking in. I got alot on my mind usually I go back and look and change them to the "right " way . lol. Sorry .
6. Sorry i was typing on my phone. Honestly I think the only reason I have been in the relatio nship this long if for my SS ( stepson) . I call him my son . He is probably one of the most important people in my life. He is only 3. It just gets confusing on forums when you say "SS or DS " because even though he isn't mine I have been with him since he was 4 months old.
We have been together for almost 3 years ( in april) . We have been married for almost 9 months. Before we were married it was nothing like this. I am not sure if he just married me because he wanted me to be a live-in free babysitter or what.
Your H is a creep and a cheap controlling bastard.
Ugh.
Absolutely all of this. You need to turn into Flo Jo and sprint out of that marriage as fast as your legs will carry you. I am sorry to hear about your stepson. I don't know what visitation rights you have (I don't think you have any) but you can't stay in that marriage for him. It will wear you down. The best of luck to you. I'm so sorry.