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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Chit Chat Thursday
Whoa, I apologize for bringing up the Kissmas Wishes thing. I didn't mean to spark such a debate.
Here is my question... were people ever rewarded for good, smart decisions?
My take is that you make good decisions and work hard to have the freedom in your life to give, do, and buy whatever you want. Is that not the reward? Even people who are given handouts and free school do not really have those luxuries. They are typically just getting by.
And it was Michelle's story that convinced me on the insurance thing. I do not want to find myself or Courts in a situation like that.
I agree, and I don't think we're harping.. I think we're having an adult conversation and I'm sorry if you're construing it any differently.
On the same token, you don't know the people that are receiving the help and grants either, or what kind of shoes they've walked in or are walking in.
I've never once passed judgment on you for this whole thing, so I feel that statement was futile to make. I just want you to be aware of how the opinion sounded to others, and while it is your opinion that you're obviously very clearly able to make (I don't think that I ever said you weren't allowed to make an opinion, nor did I discredit it at all), it can still be very disrespectful to some.
Bio
Pot meet kettle.
Oh, thank you for saying that!
Oh and Deepthi, I forgot, congratulations!
With All the Trimmings
Just do it!
This was me exactly, which is why I am still finishing my BA. Once I turned 24 I was then told I made too much money to qualify and now that I am married, we as a couple make too much money. Luckily I was able to pay for a large portion of school out of pocket by attending community college and the UTA very slowly, which wasn't my first choice but it got the job done. Now I have bitten the bullet and decided in the interest of time I will take loans and I will deal with it.
Lacey - I understand where you are coming from. You know I love you and don't want to argue with you.
-- I rationally know that many women and men do not take advantage of the system, are given a leg up and then go on to thrive and be successful contributing members of society. I'm jaded by a small percentage and it makes me come off like an uncaring, non-understanding judgy bee, which isn't my true mindset and honestly I'm glad to see people get help where it's needed. This has just been on my mind lately because I have had some recent bad experiences and I let it color my judgement, which I shouldn't.
If I am a good person I will instead be thankful for what I do have instead of complaining about what I don't. Many of even "those" women would kill to have a supportive husband and a comfortable existance like mine. Better not bitter, right?
Pot stirrer.
I agree with all of your above statements.
Bio
True, I wasn't aware this was so recent. So ignore me, I just didn't want you to get surprised with a bill.
I know you are a good person and my intention was not to make you feel bad. I am not trying to argue, either, I was just trying to expose it from a different point of view.
I am also not saying I am judgement free and/or have the best/correct view on things. I judge people who wear Uggs... especially with shorts. (Summer if you are by chance lurking... sorry!)
Brianna and Lacey- I am not an "assistance" hater. I am not a single mom hater. I am not a single mom getting financial assistance hater.
But I do think it totally sucks that people like Leslie couldn't get financial assistance because she has a savings account with emergency fund money in it. So back to my original statement....I think that having a savings account with emergency fund money is a good, smart decision. By doing this though, she doesn't get the reward of financial assistance. I personally think that blows.
We usually do the Angel Tree every year and I always try to make a point of getting a young child, a teenager and an elderly person. Having worked with teenagers and having worked with Santa Cops too, I have learned that no one wants to buy for teenagers because they no longer play with $20 1000 piece Lego sets or stuffed animals or things like that. The people who have them fill out these forms tell them to put on there the one thing they would really like to have. They want mp3 players and video games and digital cameras just like their friends have. Many of them got a game system when times were better for their families or maybe even as a gift from a family member who might be better off (or they might have even gotten it used). Even when my mother and I would go out to take care of the Angel Tree people, we always got them the one thing they wanted most and the one thing they needed most (The Salvation Army puts that information on there plus the person's size, in case a coat or clothing is needed). If those two things weren't that extravagant, then we filled it in with some clothes. These teenagers don't lead the best lives and really all they want is something normal and to have something that every one else has. I can't really begrudge them of that. On that same line....we (the school) are taking up cereal for one of the area food banks. We asked the food bank if there was one thing that people ask for that they never have enough of. They responded that the kids come in and always look through the cereal to see if there's Trix, and the like. There's never really any there so we (again, the school) decided to have a cereal drive but it has to be the cereals that kids will eat (including Cheerios). At first, I kind of felt like some did about the gifts that teenagers ask for: pffft, whatever, they should just be grateful that I give them something. But the food bank people started telling our leadership kids how happy it made them and how the kids were so happy to have one thing from the food pantry/grocery store that was just for them. Well, I buy at least twenty boxes of my favorite kids' cereals every year to donate as well.
I'm sorry if I rambled on, but the teenagers aren't really being ungrateful. <climbing down off my soapbox and going back to work>
Well, that wasn't your original statement, because I can get on board with that. The thing that irked me was the "Preach! You don't get rewarded for good, smart decisions anymore" in a direct rebuttal to the single mom receiving aid conversation.
Let's put it this way then - I can respect your message, but work on the delivery.
Bio
At this point No. Obviously we are working on it ourselves, but holding off something we want in life stings a little. Thinking about it at the time you know how difficult it was and being there at such a young time knowing I did "the right" things with no help when you need it was dishearting. Now I know I'm a better person for it, but if another student didn't have to go through it then I would be for it.
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Re: Angel trees. Those kids are told to make a wish list. They don't get restrictions on what they can ask for because they deserve a normal Christmas/Hanukkuh/Whatever like every other kid. I get that some people (like that lady you described, Brianna -- talk about abuse of a system) take advantage of the blessings they are given, but that doesn't mean we can restrict what those children can ask for. Kids ask for ipods and video games because that is what their friends have and that's what they enjoy -- and sometimes they don't even realize they are in a situation where their parents can't afford that stuff. And it's sad that students are concerned with these status symbols, but they still want them.
I couldn't imagine how broken I would be if I knew a family to whom I had been charitable took advantage of me in such a horrible way, but I would hope that I could continue to find room in my heart to help the less fortunate.
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Me too! There is a girl in my (nighttime) math class who is STILL wearing shorts and Uggs every night. It was like 20 degrees on Monday and she was wearing them.
Although it's probably just a bad fashion decision and I am reading way too much into it -- she's gained a pretty good amount of weight over the semester and I'm afraid she doesn't have any other clothes that fit. I thought about asking her if she needed clothes and offering her my old bigger clothes but I didn't want to embarrass her.
I guess I see this from a different perspective than most of you.
There are people who could work, but don't <or insert any other controllable misfortune here>....and accept aid. There are also people who have savings, but don't want to use it.
Neither of these groups are the victims here...and neither are necessarily entitled to support.
The victims are the people who really, truly, actually NEED grant money because there is no other way possible for them to go to school.
That is the root of the problem. IMHO.
For real, this. You and Ben are great parents Stephie. I have thought many times over the course of the years I have know you that Mel is very lucky and you guys are raising a great daughter in a really good way.
See, stories like that break my heart.
My grandmother felt guilty for not doing the same providers program this year, but instead she volunteers at the Tarrant County homeless shelter year round now... and provides food and clothing for it's people. The abuse jaded her to an extent, but never waivered her determination to help people.
I seriously love that woman!
Bio
I don't think you are a "hater" of any sort. I just disagree with your viewpoint. It's okay to have disagreements about things. That sparks conversation and with conversation we are both forced to look at things from a different viewpoint. It may not make us change our mind, but at least we know a little more about the other viewpoint.
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The tree list thing I saw had two lines. Needs: A new coat; Wants: an inexpensive camera. I interpreted it to mean that they needed and would like a new coat, but if possible would also like a camera, too. But, no need to spend a lot of money on a camera, an inexpensive one will do.
Your explanation makes perfect sense to me.
It took me forever to get out what I said because I had children coming and interrupting me. Stupid job. :-)
Tiffany,
On the aid thing, ITA. I worry about one of my students not being able to go to college because of the money issue. She's #19 in her class (very competitive academically) and she's great at languages (what she wants to major in). She walks to school from one of our farther reaching middle schools and they don't have a computer at home so that she can do her physics homework which is pretty much required in this teacher's class. It's all I can do to not send anonymous things to the family. I hate to see brains wasted like that.
Julie - That is sad. Hopefully her academic record will qualify her for academic scholarships. I know many, many people who got a full ride based on academics alone.
I got around a 50% academic scholarship from TCU and I did not even apply for it. They just gave it to me.
The awards are definitely out there for those who have worked hard for it.
One more thing....
The Salvation Army collects these lists from lots of small local charities and sometimes things are worded differently from one charity to the other and there's not a uniformity to filling out those tags.
We're not doing Angel Tree this year. We were going to but we also wanted to help out in the SA's distribution center which is in Denton. I can't get them to call me back but they send me emails every other day about the A.T. We've decided to do Santa's Helpers (Ch.8). We'll probably buy some teenage type stuff too.
The original statement was exactly that. It wasn't "Preach! You don't get rewarded for good, smart decisions anymore. And having a child and being a single mother is a dumb, bad decision." Those were not my words.
Great points.
Sarah - actually... that's exactly what you said. Making words up isn't my thing.
Bio
Stuff like that sounds like a parent filled it out and is being a weiner.
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