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Wow. Just wow.
So ladies I'll try and make this short. I have (now had) a FWB. We got along really well, we're totally on the same page and did a lot of experimenting with toys, costumes etc. We saw each other maybe every other week or it could be once a month. We usually stay in contact via text.
Last night I was texting him and said something about how I have a new outfit I think he'd really like (again this is really nothing new). He says something like "well I'm glad you are as into outfits as I am." And then it took a horrible turn.
I won't give the play by play, but essentially he then starts questioning why I have so many outfits and I explain that I used to work at a lingerie shop and I do sort of collect bras and panties, but I didn't really get into costumes until I met him. He then proceeds to basically call me a slut (but not in so many words) and that he simply can't believe that I'm not sleeping with other people (I'm not) and that essentially because I'm obviously wearing these costumes for others (I haven't) that it doesn't make him feel "special."
So this is all happening via text, so I say, listen can we maybe talk about this is person, I think it's hard to come off as very genuine in a text and a lot gets lost in tone. He then tells me that he is "sick about this" and that he "doesn't need or want anything from me."
Umm...WTF? My guy friend assesses the situation as the guy wanted to break things off, but wanted to make me the villian. So what say ye SO ladies? For the record this is crazy out of character for him. He's always been nothing but sweet and complimentary.
Re: Wow. Just wow.
This sounds like it is completely his issue. You told him the truth and he didn't believe you.
Peace out homeslice!
Aside from the fact that your FWB must be my undiagnosed bipolar XH, I have no idea WTF just happened.
I mean no offense, but what's a FWB situation other than sex? He was ok with you being a "slut" with him but then all of a sudden stands on a higher moral ground. Honestly it sounds like he is nuts or had some sort of religious/moral/prudish epiphany where he now feels insanely guilty for your arrangement and wants to call it off.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet on that one. Sorry you're FWB-less now though
I read it totally differently than this. I took it as he was angry/jealous over the thought of her being with another guy, lashed out and called her a slut, and then was sick over the situation and "didn't want anything from her" because he was heartbroken.
Or just a thought... maybe he is interested in someone else and he is trying to end things with you by making it look like it is all your fault.
Either way.... find someone else. And good luck.
Thanks for your responses ladies. I was just so taken about by the whole situation. I don't their is really a guilt thing on his end, this has been working well for about six months.
It was truly bizarre. Like his brain just flipped a switch in a matter of minutes. Here is a short breakdown.
flirty text after flirty text then
Me: "We'll I've got a new outfit that's sure to make your heart racing. And that's just a warm up."
Him: "You sure do love outfits as much as I do! x"
Me: "Well I've always loved playing dress up. If you could dress me up in anything what would it be?"
Him: "You seem to get a lot of new outfits?"
Me: "Oh well you make it sound bad. I used to work in lingerie so I've always loved them. I sort of collect them if you will. I'm not out parading around in them or anything."
Him: "yea it does sound bad."
Umm...that's a weird progress no? Eventually it progress further as I detailed above. But seriously so odd. I'm irrationally upset by all of this.
Yea totally. I'm packing up the costumes for a while. It was really just a thing with him. I just wanted to make sure that this was totally bizarre and I wasn't missing something super obvious.
He's bonkers.
I'm really sorry.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
We had some back and forth. I was basically like. I'm not sure where this is coming from. I'm not sleeping with anyone else and I have no desire to do so. Just because I'm open and explorative with you, doesn't mean that I'm working it around town. Basically he was like "I find that hard to believe." And then it went back and forth with more "I find that hard to believe, or I don't know what to believes." It's all just so odd.
Yeah, sounds like he's grown feelings for you and is getting jealous. Sucks
Totally. At this point I would have rather taken the no response approach. I mean we were super casual so I would have been like oh that's over and moved on. To be so super mean is just ridiculous.
While this is how I feel personally, I know other people may not being looking for a relationship, just sex. I couldn't do FWB, but others can. So while I agree in a way, I do not look down on the poster.
OP, I don't think you shouldn't give it another thought. This was about sex and it is over. You know his opinion is not what you really are.
Thanks Becca! I appreciate your open mindness:)
His responses sound a lot like my ex sounded when he heard from a friend that his friend had spotted me in a bar with another guy, early in our relationship (I wasn't there, his friend must've seen a girl who looked like me) - he didn't come out and accuse me of cheating, but he continually made comments about how it took me "so long" to be exclusive with him. Then every time I insisted I was exclusively dating him right from the start, he'd say "I find that hard to believe" or "Yeah, sure, whatever." I eventually found out about the rumor he heard from his friend while we were breaking up (he threw it in my face during an argument). Any chance he heard a rumor from somebody?
I agree with PPs that you'll never know for sure what happened, but this was another possible explanation that jumped out at me.
I don't look down on her. After all, it sounds like a logical and practical idea, and a much better plan than jumping into a relationship before you're ready. It's just that the kind of men (or women, whoever isn't the one fresh out of a divorce) who would be okay with this are generally, well, you saw it. No good.
Ditto! How immature
Run Screaming. This man is a lunatic.
How fast he gets from Ilikeyouinsexylingerie to Youhavesexylingerieyoumustbeawhore is pretty scary.
Ok, then. I gotcha.
I agree. The whole thing just strikes me as so.weird. I don't need an explanation from him, I'm moving on. But I mean how do you literally change your tune so fast? Also we've been FWB's for about 5 months and these sort of flirty messages were totally common, like every few days or so. So yea. Just baffled. Oh adventures in "dating."
This would leave me scratching my head too. Its either he wanted to break it off and didn't know how or he has feelings for you and got jealous suddenly. Like PP's said, you'll never really know the truth. But its the NOT knowing WHY the sudden change that is probably killing you more than what actually happened. I understand.. it wouuld bother me too. Sorry. Def time to move on.
Yes! This is it exactly. I really hope its just that he wanted to break if off and totally handled it poorly. Because I would have totally been open to him having feelings for me. Either way clearly a FWB fail. Probably won't try that again:)
There's something off with this guy. Sorry he was such a douche!
Are you sure it was him texting? Maybe an ex gf or a friend got the phone and it trying to cause trouble (hence the didn't want to actually talk to you)
I'd call him and see what he says. If it is the same then yes, he is bonkers -end it and consider it a dodged bullet there