Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Newbie with a poll
Just curious to see what other peeps situations are. So here goes:
How long were you married before seperation?
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage?
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce?
If divorced, how long did that process take?
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex?
Are you on good terms with ex?
Do you consider yourself to be jaded?
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons?
Sorry if these are a bit vague. Thanks in advance if you respond.
Re: Newbie with a poll
How long were you married before seperation? 3.5 years
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? I decided to end it but it was due to HIS actions
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? drug use and infidelity by him
If divorced, how long did that process take? almost a year to finalize it after I filed
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? First date was about six months post-split
Are you on good terms with ex? we go through periods of being ok, followed by periods of him being difficult/irrational
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? no, I realize that most people are generally good, my XH just happened to not be one of them
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? too quickly and because I was fearful of being alone.
How long were you married before seperation? Married for 3 years together for 8
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? I did
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? Not really...We just grew apart
If divorced, how long did that process take? I filed in January I was officially divorced in June
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? a few months..
Are you on good terms with ex? yeah for the most part...we get along well, are friendly
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? I dont think so...Im a hopeless romantic and I still do believe in marriage and love.
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? I definitlely got married for the wrong reasons,...I got married b/c we had a child together and i thought it was what we were supposed to do but I knew it wasnt right.
How long were you married before seperation? 1.5 yrs
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? Me
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? Abuse--emotional and substance
If divorced, how long did that process take? 3 months
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? 2 months after I left I casually dated but realized I wasn't read. Still not ready to date so I'm "super casually" dating (FWB type)
Are you on good terms with ex? Nope, yesterday he said he wanted to spit on my grave and wished I got into a coma on the way home from work
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? Yes, but I'm self aware
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? Absolutely. Got engaged after 3 months--it was a whirlwind romance. It wasn't until after we moved internationally that the abuse started. I had no idea going into the marriage though.
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? mutual
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? At the end of the day, yes, there was one incident that snowballed throughout the years that finally ended our relationship. If that one incident never occurred, would our relationship have eventually ended? Probably.
If divorced, how long did that process take? Almost a full year
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? 5 months
Are you on good terms with ex? Yes
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? No. I consider both of us lucky that we had the balls to call it quits before we hated each other.
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? Yes
How long were you married before seperation? XFI and I were together 3 years...1.5 yrs dating, and 1.5 yrs engaged
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? XFI made the decision
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? We had different ideas on whether to have children
If divorced, how long did that process take? N/A
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? Was in a very casual, brief relationship about 3.5 months after the split, and started a serious relationship 6.5 months after the split
Are you on good terms with ex? Yup...we chat on FB from time to time (he lives in another state)
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? Nope
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? Nope, I think we got engaged for the right reasons...he just wasn't being honest with himself regarding his true feelings about having children
How long were you married before seperation? Almost 8 months.
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? I did.
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? Not specifically, just realized we couldn't follow through with the promises we made.
If divorced, how long did that process take? Still in the works...
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? I've been separated for almost 7 months and am just starting to play with this idea.
Are you on good terms with ex? Not really, the only interaction we have is related to the separation and it takes a few tries to get anything accomplished.
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? Sometimes. I remind myself that I married the wrong person, not that 'marriage' is wrong.
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? Both. He wanted to purchase a house in the down market so he proposed the weekend before we closed on our house. It wasn't something we really even discussed as far as starting a life together/marriage/kids. I married him for a lot of paper reasons, instead of actual partnership reasons. He married me to complete the picture of a successful man, instead of actual partnership reasons.
How long were you married before seperation? 5.5 years
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? I did
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? Kind of, it's hard to explain. About 2 years in to our marriage he had a major depression episode including suicide threats. I tried to help him and he refused, eventually he got out of the funk but continued to be a selfish a-hole that treated me like crap (never did before the episode started). About a year before we separated I finally got him in to counseling but at that point it was too late, all the hurt wouldn't go away. I couldn't forgive him for it. When I found out he was lying to his counselor I decided enough was enough. I found out a few months ago that he had also cheated during the bad times.
If divorced, how long did that process take? 6 months, which is required by my state
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? 2 months
Are you on good terms with ex? I was until I found proof of him cheating.
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? I was jaded before this...a little bit of PTSD goes a long way.
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? We were young when we got married but no one knew about his depression. I don't think even HE realized how bad it could get. I tried to help him and he refused. I could only do so much.
How long were you married before separation? 1 year
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? I did
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? No. He was just not the right partner for me, though sadly it took me 2+ years to realize that. I also don't think I was (/am) ready for lifetime commitment.
If divorced, how long did that process take? 8 months
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? 4 months
Are you on good terms with ex? Yes (as far as I know - we don't really talk)
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? Nah
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? Yes to both. Also too young (for me).
How long were you married before seperation? 1 year
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? I didn't really have a choice. He walked out and then found out he had been cheating since I met him.
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? Infidelity and abuse
If divorced, how long did that process take? 3 years. We had to wait a year due to having a child, then deployment with the military then he wouldn't sign
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? 6 months or so
Are you on good terms with ex? No, I haven't seen him since March but for court, before that it had been over a year.
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? I was at first but not so much as time has gone on.
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? I definitely married too quickly and definitely for the wrong reasons. It's this reason that I plan on taking my relationships very very slow in the future.
I was engaged. We were together for three years total and have a son.
My ExFi ended our relationship
It was a lot of things that caused the end. I firmly believe him wanting to be with his coworker was a big factor in him not wanting to stay and work things out.
I started dating about two months after our break up.
Are you on good terms with ex? HELL NO
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? Sort of at the moment but I am definitely getting less angry and beginning to see myself being civil to ex in the future.
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? Looking back I realize that we should have gotten married first before having a baby. Yes, I realize it was a dumb move on my part.
How long were you married before seperation? Just under 3 years (dated for 3 years prior to that)
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? I did
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? Not one, but there was a lot of little reasons
If divorced, how long did that process take? I filed in April 2010, we were divorced by August, so 4 months.
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? I started dating right after the divorce was official. I had been debating about ending the marriage for probably 6 months prior to actually doing so, and by the time I did end it I was done and over it.
Are you on good terms with ex? Fairly - we both still own the house we lived in together, so we get along enough to deal with that.
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? No. I was dumb and wasn't really true to myself. I've since done quite a bit of work in therapy and know better now.
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? For the wrong reasons. It felt like it was the next logical step and it fit in with my timeline (so dumb). I ignored all the red flags, which started out as little tiny lights and turned into big bright floodlights.
How long were you married before separation? Almost 2 years married. Going on 4 years together
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? Neither of us were happy. I wanted to end it slightly more than he did but in the end he filed.
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? Yes
If divorced, how long did that process take? 3 months
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? I went on a few casual dates after I was moved out.. I started dating someone more seriously about 6 months after the divorce was finalized.
Are you on good terms with ex? Yeah
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? Yes
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? We didn't necessarily marry too quick but more got married too young.
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? He did when he stuck his dyck in another chick.
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? See above.
If divorced, how long did that process take? Three months.
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? Seven months.
Are you on good terms with ex? Yes.
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? No.
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? No.
How long were you married before seperation? 3 years
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? XH
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? I think we just were never happy
If divorced, how long did that process take? 4 months
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? I casually went on a few dates. I haven't really "dated" in the year and half since split.
Are you on good terms with ex? No. We only talk if we have to discuss bills we still share
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? Suprisingly, no?
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? I think we were in love with our love story and dind't take time to stop and work through what had happened along that journey. I think had we done that and worked through issues that were apparent in our marriage, that we would have been more succssful. I don't think I was too young (I was 25, which is young, but I don't feel it was too young for me) and I married beacuse I truly wanted to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. I guess i'm glad it worked out the way it is....
How long were you married before seperation? Almost 2 years
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? Me
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? We're not divorced, yet. But the major issue was his alcohol abuse and controling behavior and him expecting me to "get over" my infertility.
If divorced, how long did that process take?
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? No dating yet.
Are you on good terms with ex? Since Saturday, he's called me several times and they have been good. I think that if we both act mature we can still be on good terms throughout this how process.
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? A little bit.
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? Absolutely not. I had no intentions of ending my marriage but in the grand scheme of things, the abuse just eventually took its toll on me combined with my infertility and his controlling behavior, it was just too much to handle and having an exit plan was the best thing to happen. We were just on two different paths in the game of life. It happens.
How long were you married before seperation? Almost 7 yrs married - together for 13.
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? I did
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? His infidelity and major lack of love/sex
If divorced, how long did that process take? Not divorced yet
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? Not dating yet
Are you on good terms with ex? So far..
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? Yes, I have major trust issues now and have a hard time believing words. I need action.. not words.
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? Wrong reasons. I loved him, but ignored MANY red flags while we were together for 6 yrs dating.. too many to list.
How long were you married before separation? 23 years
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? I did, He did not want a divorce.
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? He was a mean, abusive, controlling man.
If divorced, how long did that process take? 5 months
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? 6 months out I dated a few times. I was in a serious relationship a year after.
Are you on good terms with ex? It's civil all depending on his mood and alcohol level.
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? Not at all.
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? Yes, I was young and thought he would change and my love would conquer all.
Just curious to see what other peeps situations are. So here goes:
How long were you married before seperation? just shy of 3 years
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? I did
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? I "changed" I guess, and we just didn't want the same things for our future or life together.
If divorced, how long did that process take? not divorced, haven't started the process yet.
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? not dating yet either.
Are you on good terms with ex? semi-good. we have a child to care for and luckily we are able to do that together with only few issues. him being a great father was never the issue.
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? in general, no.
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? definitely too quickly. I think if we would have waited until I was out of school and had a job, things could have been different. Or not being a SAHM with our daughter could have changed things as well.
How long were you married before seperation? 8 years married; 11 years together
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? He did; I didn't want to then, but now I am glad
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? He left me for his mistress. He went through a mid-life crisis of sorts and decided life with a carefree 20-something was more fun than with his 30-something wife who was working hard to financially support our family and raise our child.
If divorced, how long did that process take? Filed the first week in November 2009. It was final June 10, 2010.
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? I started dating right around the time my divorce was final, so just over 6 months. I met my bf exactly one year (to the day) from when my ex decided to stay out all night with his mistress and not come home.
Are you on good terms with ex? We have a son together and are civil to each other for his sake. We both have dinner with our son once a week so that son can see that we still talk and are nice to each other even though we don't live in the same house. We use that time to talk about school and other activities that ds is involved in. It's the hardest hour of my week. But I know it is good for ds.
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? I don't think I am jaded, but I certainly have had to work through my trust issues and it took a long time for me to realize that I was worth loving. There was a lot of verbal abuse at the end of our marriage that left me feeling like no one would ever want to be with me.
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? I think I was young and "in love" but in retrospect I think I was in love with the fairy tale of it all.
How long were you married before seperation? 6.5 years
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? I ended it.
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? No... we just grew apart and I finally decided to stop ignoring how emotionally void our relationship was...
If divorced, how long did that process take? about 7 months
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? I left in November, then dated a bit at the beginning of the year... entered my first serious relationship in September
Are you on good terms with ex? Yes, but we don't talk, no need to (no kids)
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? Nope... he's a good guy, just not the right one to go the distance.
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? Married for the wrong reasons. I wanted safety and security. Got exactly that but no deep emotional connection or sexual.
How long were you married before separation? 7 yrs
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? Me
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? his infidelities,
If divorced, how long did that process take? still pending (but minimum one year since we have children)
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? haven't (probably will wait at least 2 years)
Are you on good terms with ex? Trying to be neutral for our children
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? More heartbroken than jaded
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? No, we dated for 5 years (living together for 2 of those) before marrying. I always thought were a perfect match... *sigh*
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? I did
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? He lied about everything and hid extreme amounts of debt, depression/anxiety and made me miserable
If divorced, how long did that process take? 60 days
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? I had planned to leave for almost a year. We didn't share a bedroom, have sex or hang out for almost 8 months before I left. I met BF the day my divorce was official.
Are you on good terms with ex? We don't have any contact with each other.
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? No
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? He proposed and I was afraid to say no. Even though I knew it wasn't right I got swept up in the planning and excitement of everyone around me. Definitely all the wrong reasons for following through with it. He didn't want a wife either, he wanted to complete the look of being successful and happy.
Just curious to see what other peeps situations are. So here goes:
How long were you married before seperation? Just short of a 1 1/2 years
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? He moved out, I pulled the trigger on the divorce though
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? Finding out that he had a girlfriend the entire time we were married and was flirty/inappropriate with her 2 months prior to us getting married.
If divorced, how long did that process take? 5 months (my state has a 120 day waiting period)
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? I dated a guy very casually after 3 months. Neither of us were in love, so we're just friends.
Are you on good terms with ex? For the most part. He adopted my son, so we coparent pretty well. I don't talk to him about anything other than DS though, so that probably helps a lot!
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? No, I'm actually pretty blessed that we ended up divorced. I found out who my true friends are, how strong I am, remembered who I was and took some real stock of what is important to me in life.
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? I think I married the wrong person
Just curious to see what other peeps situations are. So here goes:
How long were you married before seperation?
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? I did, after I found out he had been cheating on me pretty much the entirety of our marriage.
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? It was many factors, but the leaving culminated when I found the text messages implicated him of the cheating.
If divorced, how long did that process take? Five months
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? Not long. I went into it knowing that I didn't want/ready for a serious relationship I was more looking to meet new people and going out and having some fj=un
Are you on good terms with ex? Hell to the no.
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? Maybe a little. I find myself wondering if their really is TRUE LOVE for everyone out there or if some people are meant to be alone and I may be one of those people.
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons?