Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Newbie with a poll
How long were you married before seperation? 6 years
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? I "checked out" first, but he filed
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? He decided that I was cheating on him with 7 different guys (which wasn't true)
If divorced, how long did that process take? 7 months, but it would have been shorter if his lawyer wasn't a dope. My attorney had to re-do the entire decree because his attorney messed it up beyond repair.
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? I dated (though in hindsight I shouldn't have) about 2 months after he filed (which was about 4 weeks after I moved out)
Are you on good terms with ex? Nope
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? No. He wasn't nice to me, and with him I wasn't myself. I didn't like who I had become. So I am actually much happier now that I ever was before
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? Not too quickly...we had been together 5 years before we married. It was the wrong reasons though. I think we got married because we felt it was the next logical step. I was 21, he was 22, and neither of us knew what we really wanted. We grew apart instead of together.
How long were you married before seperation? 6 years and 11 days
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? He decided to leave
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? Several. Mainly he said he was unhappy and thinks the grass is greener. He realized it is not.
If divorced, how long did that process take? It's been 6 months already. We're basically fighting for spousal support. He always wanted to help me for a short period of time until his attorney convinced him that it was a mistake and he should fight with me.
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? It's been 6 + months and I haven't started yet but I feel like getting a FWB sounds like a good idea. I don't want a relationship right now.
Are you on good terms with ex? Again we were until his attorney convinced him that being amicable is not good for him. So no more communication.
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? No
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? Yes and yes.
How long were you married before seperation? 2.5 years
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? I did
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? We'd had problems for over a year & his trust issues & obssession with analyzing my every move just became too much. One night, he freaked out on me & said "You always turn your phone face down!" (which I've done for years). He insisted on going through all my texts & emails (I had nothing to hide) & then wanted to go through chat logs of Words with Friends. He got mad when he saw that there was some friendly sh!t-talking between a male acquaintance of mine during a game (it was stuff like "dude you suck for that word" & "try to beat that, sucker!" not exactly flirty). When he went batshit over that, it flipped a switch in me & I told him to get out.
If divorced, how long did that process take? Filed 10/15/11. Court 11/30/11. Final 12/7/11.
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? About a month, month & a half.
Are you on good terms with ex? For the most part, yes.
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? Not really. I know that our issues were specific to him being INSANE & not necessarily applicable to men in general.
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? We totally got married too quickly. I've often said he should've been a guy I dated for a few years in my 20s then ended it. But we just haddddd to get married.
How long were you married before seperation? almost 4 years
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? i ended it
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? no, it was an accumulation of things and the realization that nothing would change and I could never be happy. I had been thinking about it for years, but never had the guts to go through with it.
If divorced, how long did that process take? from the time i told him, just over a month. i got my court date 10 days after filing the papers.
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? immediately.
Are you on good terms with ex? we don't really talk, but i still talk to his family
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? not at all
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? for the wrong reasons. it was part insecurity: being across the country and not knowing anyone else but him because i moved for him. when we broke up during the dating phase it was impossible to find someone who had the qualities at the time i was looking for. so i was stupid and took him back and then got married 2 years later when i knew i shouldn't....i got convinced by everyone that it was just normal "jitters" and that we'd mellow with age....
How long were you married before seperation? 2 years
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? myself
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? emotional/verbal and sometimes physical abuse, cheating
If divorced, how long did that process take? not yet. almost 9 months now.
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? 3 months
Are you on good terms with ex? not really but not bad. we're civil
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? a bit, yes
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? too quickly, maybe. wrong reasons, yes. I wanted stability and I didn't love him.
Technically I am still married and we are not separated but that is only a matter of time (waiting till after the holidays) so I will answer what I can.
How long were you married before seperation? We have been married for 5 1/2 yrs.
Did your SO or yourself decide to end marriage? Me
Was there one major reason/incident that caused your divorce? lack of trust/happiness
If divorced, how long did that process take? n/a
How soon did you start dating after splitting from ex? n/a but I feel like I want to take a good amount of time to be just me once we split. I have a lot of my own issues I need to work out.
Are you on good terms with ex? He knows I want to leave but I dont think he realizes how serious I am. Every time it comes up he freaks out. But we will have to be on at least civil terms b/c of our kids. I would love if we could be friends for the sake of the kids but I do realize that realistically things might not work out that way.
Do you consider yourself to be jaded? No. I think that's how he will feel. I just don't think we work together as husband/wife and I dont think either is truly happy.
Looking back do you think you married too quickly or married for the wrong reasons? oh hellz yes. We were engaged after only 6 mths of dating (we were 20/22). We were supposed to have a lonnng engagement but I got pregnant 3 mths later so we got married sooner to "do the right thing" (wrong) and oh yeah I was totally in love with someone else while we were engaged (which he has never forgiven or regained his trust in me). So yeah lots and lots of red flags that I completely ignored. But hindsight is 20/20.