Divorced Nesties - let me pick your brain.

blueshirt2003 · December 2011

::hugs::

kyrgyzstan · December 2011

I would move. A school delay is not that big a deal, and your mental health and physical safety is more important.

LemonLover33 · December 2011

He keeps going back and forth between me moving out now and then two months then after school and finally it is after his retraining which will be about a year from now.

I keep asking him why he's so angry and he just says because you make me angry. My friend thinks it's because he really doesn't want a divorce at all and just used it as a threat. Now that I'm more than willing, he is freaking out.

kyrgyzstan · December 2011

LemonLover33:
He keeps going back and forth between me moving out now and then two months then after school and finally it is after his retraining which will be about a year from now.

Why are you letting him decide?

SunnySky06 · December 2011

I don't have any advice but I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please keep yourself(and the puppies) safe from him and don't let him continue to be an a hole to you.

styme46 · December 2011

WishIcouldbeinthe'stan:
I would move. A school delay is not that big a deal, and your mental health and physical safety is more important.

Ditto this. I'd get out as soon as you can and either do online classes or suspend school for a semester while you get things in order!

I'm sorry this is such a sucky situation for you!

LemonLover33 · December 2011

WishIcouldbeinthe'stan:
LemonLover33:
He keeps going back and forth between me moving out now and then two months then after school and finally it is after his retraining which will be about a year from now.

Why are you letting him decide?

I'm not letting him decide so much as asking him if we can live together for five more months or if he's going to be a jackass_the whole time. So I gave him the choice of me moving out now OR five months. So I can get it in writing and signed this week. I am going to go and switch all my classes to online classes just in case I do need to move. I really hate online classes.

I mostly want to stay to save up money since I have a steady job here and want three months of MY expenses in my savings before I move (plus the cost to cancel cable because it's 20 bucks per month of my contract left ~200 if I left now. ~100 if I left in May). What savings I do have now is for books this coming semester and what tuition my pell doesn't cover. If I take online classes, that's another 80 in fees.

IF it gets truly bad and I feel like I'm in physical danger then I will pawn my rings and move. It really boils down to money and school.

thenewme11 · December 2011

LemonLover33:

I have questions that I know I can get a variety of answers and then decide...

1. Wedding dress- what did you do? I'd like to sell. Paid <500

I still have it in my parents garage. I am going to sell it and use the money towards my future wedding.

2. That stupid cake cutting set/champagne glasses-trash?

Trash

2. Wedding rings (Agreement is I keep)- I'm thinking of selling the bands and making the E-ring into a necklace for the diamond.

I took mine and sold it. He kept his and no idea what he did with his.

3. We're agreeing on all the property split/what he is going to pay for and writing it all down and getting it notarized at legal. Hopefully we can bring that paper to the lawyer for mediation. Did you do something like this?

There wasn't a ton for us to agree on besides who kept the dogs and money arrangement

4. What kind of divorce did you do and how much did it cost (He has agreed to pay for the whole thing. again, getting that in writing and notarized).

Quickest possible. It was like $425/430. I paid for it. Not by choice but because he said I was the one leaving him and giving up so he wasn't going to. UhhhhhKay... Best chunk of money I have spent yet.

5. We will be living together for the next five months so I can finish school then move. I'm not really happy about this but it is temporary and my school comes first. Should we do like a roommate agreement? Chore chart? He really just leaves everything ent.or me to do (dishes, laundry, straightening, etc.).

A tried to get me to agree to this as well. I said HELL NO! I can;t even imagine and I knew I would be miserable and would delay my healing and moving forward with my life. I would suggest leaving asap.

6. I don't plan on changing my name anymore. I'm waffling between keeping my current last name or changing it back to my maiden. What did you do?

There was an option on my divorce forms that I marked so that when it was final, my name automatically changed back to my maiden name.

7. Any other advice?

L, I am SO sorry to hear about this! I remember being in your position and it being all new going through so many different emotions within minutes. But, I promise it gets easier each week and like PPsaid, gets SO much better. Marriage is not supposed to be what I had and same applies to your marriage. You deserve so much better and I promise you WILL find someone who treats who how you are supposed to be. A yr ago I couldn't imagine ever being able to move forward...today, I stand here to tell you life is amazing and I have never, ever been happier and know that marriage fell apart so other things could fall together.

Please know I am here if you need anything or just to vent. One of the biggest things that got me through the begining stages was having great friends to call on at anytime (ehhh hemm...Stan, Ojo, and Smiles had a few late night txts coming there way LOL). Take care of yourself, get sleep, eat, and if you can get in to see a counselor...it will help to keep your mind clear and make sure you are making smart and productive decisions instead of reacting out of emotions.

((HUGS))

Divorced Nesties - let me pick your brain.

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