Trouble in Paradise
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
are you happy in your marriage?
Are you happy in your marriage every day?
Just wondering,,,,
Re: are you happy in your marriage?
Every single day? No. Everyone has off days. Am I satisfied and happy 99% of the time? Yes.
We went through a period where it was just the opposite. We talked about divorce but worked through it. It took a lot of work and things getting worse before they got better.
Today we are more like we're newlyweds than a couple who have been together for ten years.
I'm not even happy with planet earth every effing day, so no, I'm not happily married every day.
Like pp, we also went through some very difficult times. Glad we stayed together, though. It was worth it. Most days.
I'm sure nobody is happy EVERY DAY.
But yes, I can confidently say that I am happy with my marriage nearly all of the time. We've had a few rough patches, but nothing severe.
I'd really like everyone who answers this question to answer with "yes." I feel like if you aren't happy in your marriage, you either need to change the marriage or jump ship.
This was my response to your post a month & a half ago-
You've been posting for months about how unhappy your marriage is and how the two of you just don't get along- has anything changed? Have you made any decisions?
The hair thing seems like a minor issue to get worked up about, but the eye-rolling along with the info from your previous posts is enough for me to say he's an @ss, but you seem to know this & stay anyway.
You continue to post variations of the same thing. What are you looking for? Validation & support to leave a man and a marriage that you're completely unhappy with? This is a good place to find it, but that doesn't seem to be what you're looking for. It seems like you keep posting hoping someone will validate your idea that marriage should be difficult & unhappy. I'm sorry, that's not what you're going to get here, certainly not from any of the regulars or semi-regulars.
It's past time you realize that you deserve to be happy and you're not going to have that in your marriage. Good luck.
I'd say I'm happy in my marriage every day. Not all day every single day but at some point every day. I still have bad/sad days but it's not because of my marriage and my marriage is a source of comfort on those days - like when I had a miscarriage a couple weeks ago.
I don't know if there's anything specific we do that makes our marriage happy. We're very affectionate and H is always complementing me. We say I love you a lot. We take some time just for each other to watch TV, etc. after DD goes to bed. We argue, of course, but when we do, we try to get it out and then put it behind us and move on - we don't let the anger linger. We say thank you to each other even for small things. These are things that stand out to me from the bad marriages I've seen (and there have been a few) but I don't know if that's what makes our marriage happy or if those are things we do because our marriage is happy.
If you're having a hard time right now, maybe you could try marriage counseling to work on communications and your problems or individual counseling if you think that you might be getting in the way of your marriage being happy - or both. Counseling can be a great tool to get insight and to reflect on your relationship.
Good luck.
BFP #4 It's a BOY!
CP: July 2011
BFP #3: 11/3/2011 M/C 12/12/11
We miss you and love you always, little firecrackers!
I'm sorry for your loss 8days.
OP, bad days should be exceptions, not the rule.
I would say about 98% of the time I am happy with my marriage. You aren't going to be 100% pleased ALL the time. Some days you piss each other off, have some minor issue with communication, or outside circumstances play a roll.
What about you Sunshine? Usually "just wondering" means there is more...
Pretty much. Sometimes we annoy each other or disagree, but even when I'm mad or annoyed I don't feel like I'm unhappy in my marriage overall.
I don't know that we do anything specifically to make us have a happy marriage. We should probably take more time for date nights and stuff together than we do. We both respect each other and genuinely try to see each other's point of view during disagreements which is important.
I'm happy in my marriage every day, but I was married before DH, and I was UNHAPPY every day. There were way more bad moments than good. I believe it takes TWO people to be happily married and one person to make an unhappy marriage.
In my experience there's nothing better than being married to someone who plugs in and gives it his all, and there's nothing worse than being married to someone who doesn't.
I hope you find what you are looking for!
What makes my marriage happy? We are willing to bring up uncomfortable topics and actually talk about them until we agree on what should be done. We talk about everything. Neither of us try to "win". We try to encourage each other in our dreams while keeping each other's feet on the ground. We hug and kiss each other every single day, and even if we're not having sex, we're still very intimate. We have alone time as much as we can, even if it's 10 minutes before going to bed while having a cuddle.
My H makes me feel better about myself, encourage me, pushes me and isn't afraid to say something that might piss me off, but which I need to hear. He wants me to be happier tomorrow than I am today, but is ready to hold me as I cry if I need it. He listens. And he does stuff around the house.
But...we piss each other off, have habits which annoy each other and we don't like each other all the time. We're human and we accept this- but we don't allow for mean behaviors toward each other.
I'm 100% happy in my marriage. It might not be an all day feeling, but every day I'm happy for some portion of that day. And this is from someone who has/had a reaaaaally hard time giving up the single ghost.
I'm not sure how to answer your question about what makes us happy. Sure, I can tell you it is because we say we love each other every day or we do things for each other, but the reality is that we do that stuff because of a deep down feeling of attachment and affection for each other. If you don't have that deep down feeling, you can recreate the outward motions, but they will be meaningless.
I think you can get back to finding that feeling, but it's going to take work from both of you.
Yes. There is never a day I would rather be without him, nor could I imagine living without him.
This isn't my first marriage, but it is the first time I've felt that way.
Most days, yes. Maybe every single day I wasn't on my period in the last two years (we've been married 6 years and not all of them have been so great). Which is not to say I'm one of those people who is actually happy every single day, just that my marriage is one of the things adding to my happiness rather than my unhappiness.
Yes.
Are there days he is not my favorite person or even close? yes. but I would still rather have him be by my side when I am angry at him than have him not around at all.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Yup.
To echo PPs, yes, there are days that he makes me insane (and vice versa), but I can't imagine life without him.
Well said - that's exactly how I feel about my marriage, too.