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Jealousy Issue
Things have going great lately with Z and I especially after we had the talk about working through our issues together. He has a female friend that is really making me uncomfortable. I trust him completely as he definitely does not give me vibes that he would ever cheat. She posted over a month ago on his fb page just saying hi and asking how he was doing. That didn't bother me so much but out of no where she started posting pictures and tagging him in them from Sept. We were together then and I was out of town when they took this picture. I remember the night too because he had gone out with a group, not just her, and was texting me the whole night saying how much he missed me. She is very attractive which is why I'm so uncomfortable with her. How would you handle it? I haven't said anything to him about it because he is out of town and doesn't come in to town until almost midnight tonight. He is coming over tomorrow so I can mention to him how I feel about this.
Re: Jealousy Issue
What about it makes you jealous, or uncomfortable? If you're going to bring it up, I would just be clear on what actually bothers you about it, instead of just saying 'hey this makes me feel weird'. Be clear about whether it's the pic of just them, or if it's because it happened while you were out of town, or that she's posting it months later..whatever.
It's a combo of her posting it months later and the fact that she didn't start posting things until right after we made things official on fb. She also strikes me as aggressive and a bit of a threat.
I think my answer depends on...
Have you met her?
and
How do they know each other/How long have they known each other?
Is it just one photo of them or several of them together that night? Also did she post other pictures of those who were out in the group or just this one of Z and her?
Overall it sounds pretty harmless unless it was a situation where he mentioned everyone in the group except her or something.
Do you think she knows she could be a threat and she's the type to throw her weight around acting as if they are closer than they really are? I hate to assume that about someone I don't even know, but there are so many people like this, it's hard not to.
I'm sorry. I hate it when an outsider suddenly seems like a big part of your relationship, even for just that moment. It's so frustrating.
Just the two of them outside a club they all use to frequent. It's also the same place he said they were going. He's been very honest about everything so he is quite innocent in this. She however is questionable. She posted a picture of them all back in sept right after this night but she was standing right next to them.
No I have not met her, she lives somewhere here in town. They have known each other since maybe May and met through friend of theirs that left in Oct. The correspondence didn't occur until after the friends had left and we made things official
Or, conversely, Z told you it was a big group, when it was actually just him and her.
I'm inclined to say no big deal at first glance, though. I reserve the right to change my answer if more damning evidence is forthcoming.
I would just be honest about it. Something like, "Does so and so have a thing for you because I noticed that she waited until we made our relationship official on FB before posting pics of the two of you together. That's weird to me."
You don't want him to think you're nuts if it turns out that she just purged her memory card over the holidays and has a boyfriend of her own now, you know?
She is really coming across as knowing she's a threat and trying to make them seem like an item. I'm mean who posts pictures months later of someone that is in a relationship with someone else and adds a caption of "Z and I"
The update came across as "Z was tagged in Jane Doe's photo from Sept 19th, 2011."
dup
Did she only post this album or a few others from the past few months?
No, this was the only photo and it was already uploaded. She went through her photo albums and chose to tag this one. It must have been there all the time but her profile is private so it's not like I can see if there is more.
I like what Mint said about confronting him about it.. that's a good way to bring it up and let him know you've got your eye on her, w/o sounding like a loon.
From everything you've said, it sounds to me like she IS trying to stake a claim on him.. but then again I'm just always paranoid. Does he still hang out with her, or has he hung out with her since September?
I'm sorry, but this just sounds loony.
I have read all of your followups, and I do not see a problem here.
I label most of my pictures "X, Y, Z and I" because that who is in the pictures. I also upload pictures when I get to them.
You have not even met this women, but you seem to be making a lot of assumptions based on your own insecurities.
Hmm. Is it possible that these pics have been up the whole time but that you couldn't see them since he wasn't originally tagged in them? It would seem even more weird that they've actually been up for months, and she just now decided to tag them. Odd.
Have they hung out or seen each other again since that night?
I would probably be bothered, but for no good reason. It would make me more comfortable if a) you had met her or b) they had known each other for a really long time.
He hasn't mentioned anything about hanging out with her on his own, just as a group before their mutual friends left VA. I do remember him saying that she was pretty wild and always ended up trashed when they would go out. Him and the other guys would have to keep tabs on them so that they wouldn't get left behind anywhere. Plus all of his comments to her have been the very "He's just not that in to you" comments of "Oh I've been very busy with work or such"
They have been up since Sept and she just now tagged them.
Sounds like he's got this under control and is trying to keep her at arm's length. I wouldn't worry about it.
anyone could have tagged Z -- including Z himself.
Yeah, I'm here.
The date thing-my memory card has the date pictures are taken and the new facebook uses the date on the memory card, NOT the date I load them. it could very easily have just been uploaded.
I take pictures of just me and a guy friend saying "A and I" because, well, that's what it is! had it said, "My man" or something else suggestive I could see your side.
I would let this go. Either you trust him, or you don't. If you trust him, nothing this girl does is going to harm your relationship. Your being jealous about it is only going to make you seem like the crazy one.
We all have our different issues and reasons for them, so its understandable why you'd raise an eyebrow at this, because I would too. But, it does sound like he is handling it well. And as long as HE doesn't do anything to make you not trust him, then I wouldn't worry so much about it. But, I would def still let him know how I feel about her all of sudden tagging him, but thats just me... I can never hide my feelings.. lol
I'm not saying you're doing this, just putting it out there.. the last thing you want to do is start creating stories in your mind about what this photo really means or why it was really tagged so long after. Just go with Mints advice about confronting him and keep it light. You'll know by his reaction how to handle it after that.
I plan on talking him tomorrow when he comes over. He knows that I have some lingering issues from the hell I was put through. I'm definitely not as bad as I was but this just gives me a gut feeling she is up to no good.
This is where I'm at and the way I feel. It's nothing on him but she is definitely make me give her the side eye. I rather wait until tomorrow when I see him since he is traveling today. I'm just going to ask what her story is and let him know that she makes me feel uncomfortable.
Prepare yourself for this conversation. You admit to having old issues with things like this and seem to already be a little on the aggressive side towards this woman. Make sure you aren't in attack mode towards him. Also, if you tell him this and he tells you.. what's the big deal in her tagging me in a night where you knew I was with her.. how will you respond? You want to make sure you aren't going to go down some rabbit hole of all the what if's, etc just because this is sensitive to you.