Starting Over
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Jealousy Issue
Uhmm yeah. Also, this whole thing is insane.
We're kind of going out.
We have been dating since August and it's definitely becoming pretty serious. We both have lingering issues as this is my first serious relationship since my split from XH 3 yrs ago and this is his first serious relationhip since high school. He's dated before but he's the nice guy that usually gets taken advantage of and crapped on.
This whole thing seems like it's your issue and has nothing to do with him. I think you're way overreacting and shouldn't say anything to him. Either you trust him or you don't. Simple as that.
If you want to meet her, suggest you guys all hang out. But to tell him she makes you uncomfortable because she tagged him and said Z and I. Yeahh, that's weird.
I agree. I think you're making something out of nothing and being paranoid. Maybe if there were other strange things going on, I could see being a little worried. But by itself, this is nothing.
LOL achase, you usually seem to have your head on straight... but come on? most people tag everyone in their photos. it's par for the course on facebook, not "stirring the shiit"
So if she was ugly you'd be all good?
If you bring up this specific issue about the picture, when she posted it, etc - you come across as nutty.
If, IF, you say anything to him, you need to own up to YOUR issues and where this is erally coming from. "Based on my past w/ ex, I have some insecurities and because of that _____". OWN the issue here. Keep away from the stupid "Why did she post that picture AFTER we became an item?".
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Meh, I'm probably not the best one to respond to this post since I am probably overly suspicious because of my past experiences with XH. I didn't explain myself very well but what I meant was I always raise an eyebrow when women "come out of nowhere" and it "seems" like they're trying to cause trouble. With my past experience it was usually XH making the woman out to be this way, to cover his own tracks, rather than the women themselves doing anything wrong.
I also agree that OP is being extra paranoid, probably more due to her past than anything because Z seems like a sound guy from everything she's posted before.
this is why I dislike facebook most times...too much drama
How old is he and no serious relationship since HS? that is weird
I think that you are overreacting. I understand that you have history that makes you really sensitive to these types of issues, but I can't see how this particular thing shows any problem on the part of Z at all.
Personally, I wouldn't question him about it. I think you should keep an eye on it certainly, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.
Also, I'm sure you know this, but jealousy tanks relationships. If Z hasn't given you a reason not to trust him, then you're only going to sabotage your relationship if you act like he has. It seems, from your previous post, that you really like him so it'd be terrible if you let your relationship history cloud your judgement in this situation.
Finally, I have to agree with the PP that the attractiveness level of this woman is completely irrelevant. A guy can cheat with a pretty woman just as easily as an ugly one if he's inclined to cheat. If he isn't inclined to cheat it won't matter how beautiful she is.
But what 'trouble' is she causing? I may be missing something, but OP is upset b/c a picture from September popped up tagged with her boyfriend and this girl. Anyone could have tagged it, not just the girl! I have a friend who will randomly go through peoples pics and tag every single person she knows in them.
OP - Has there been any other contact between your bf and her? Do they talk on the phone, hang out? If it's just a freaking fb tag that has you all up in arms I highly suggest you don't say a word! Don't let your crazy out.
Ok let me break this down some more. This isn't really even a close friend. Z is in the military. The group that was all going out was him, his roomate another single guy, another guy from their unit, the guys wife and 3 of HER friends. They have known each other i'm assuming since May which is when he got here. Here are the things raising flags with me, and I can't shake this gut feeling about her.
- She is friends with friends wife and they are no longer here yet she adds him, ok this one isn't huge you can make friends every day
-I got the timing wrong she requested frienship the beginning of Dec, which raises an even bigger flag because if they were hanging out together in this group why add him now long after the group disbersed in october.
- She just now tags him and noone else other than this couple would just randomly tag him. Also she just friends him earlier this month and then is like "oh remember that time we all went out 3 months ago, maybe I should go tag him in that photo" really come on'? Why wasn't any group photos tagged? Just pics of them?
Yes, I already owned that fact that I have a jealousy issue. My gut is screaming red flag here and I've ignored it every other time when I should have listened.
I understand that you are upset and I don't think you should discount your feelings/gut. BUT, I have to be honest with you, from the outside, the above sounds super crazy. Especially if Z is giving you no reasons to distrust him. He's dating you, he likes you, he's with you not her!
Of course. I just want her to stop already. I got a weird vibe back in sept when the group photos were put out there by the friends wife. Now this?!
Why did you get weird vibe from a group photo? Also this woman hasn't really done anything to "stop." She friend requested Z, posted on his wall once (?) and tagged him in one photo. People go through phases with Facebook. I know I do. I'll upload a bunch or pictures at once, or go through a rash of tagging when I'm bored. Also the new timelines were just released so I've notice a lot of tagging, etc. of old photos by people recently. It's totally possible she didn't request him earlier because she never thought about it and then perhaps he showed up in suggested friends, or she was downloading her pics. Overall she hasn't really done anything.
Honestly I wouldn't say a thing and I don't think any of this actually correlates to you and Z becoming FB official. I think it's all a coincidence and if you bring it up you will sound ridiculous.
I agree with this. I'm jumping on the train that says you are sounding cray cray. A weird vibe from a group photo? Maybe she thinks he's cute. Who cares? She isn't going to steal your man unless he wants to leave you anyway. He cannot fix your insecurities (nor should he try), and if you let this get out of hand you will drive him away.
Like pp said, either you trust him or you don't. You want her to stop? You can't control anyone but yourself. You need to get a grip here.
in all honesty, I really think this is a discussion better suited for a therapist than for Z.
I'm sorry, but you are defending this to the death and "finding" problems/motives that don't seem to exist. that is pretty typical considering your past, but like PP have mentioned, this type of thinking left unchecked can (and likely will) lead to the demise of your current relationship.
The more you try to justify and explain your reasoning, the worse it sounds for you.
PP is right, you can't control her. Who cares if she has a crush on Z. You can only control you. If Z is as great a guy as you think, he will do the right thing, he doesn't need for you to be his moral compass. Please listen to us and lay low on this.
What exactly do you hope to accomplish by this conversation anyway?
yeah, you sound fishy to me
Ditto the suggestion to talk it over with a therapist first.
I'm a jealous person too, so I get it. That said, I also try hard to not self-sabotage. It almost seems like you are headed down that path.
Sorry to say it, but you seem like a freight train going 80 mph and you're not going to stop no matter what anyone says...Really stop and think about approaching your SO.
Even if this woman is totally after your man, nothing that you've said demonstrates that he has done anything wrong, so what is the problem? What do you need to talk to him about? Is he not going to be allowed to have female friends because of your jealousy issues, or is it only attractive single women that are the problem?