August 2006 Weddings
bunnybean
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Dear Community,
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
What is going on over at E08?!?
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Re: What is going on over at E08?!?
My take on it is being in the position of defending yourself against 10 people (some of whom were very condescending) can make a reasonable person uncomfortable. Maybe the choice of words was off, but I am confident she had no ill intent.
Well I guess I won't tell you guys about my new oozie then.
Not unless you want to hear about my partial birth abortion.
I don't want Chelle to go away either. She's pretty cool. But I don't for a second believe that she didn't realize what sort of reaction she would be getting with a "yay I bought a gun after supper" post.
Yeah, I'm not feeling a whole lot of sympathy.
If someone went on the Pets board and said "I'm buying from a breeder and not a rescue" or if someone went on MM and said "I've got $5k of credit card debt but I'm taking a vacation" they'd get flamed to high hell.
Rule #1 of the internet: know your audience.
Ok, I finally got through that whole thread, and here's my thoughts:
1. I can't believe Chelle wouldn't have known what kind of response she'd get by posting what she did. Chelle's smart, and she knows that that board is filled with liberals (both crazy and non-crazy). She should know that the board generally supports gun control and could be appalled that she was able to purchase one instantly (which really surprises me because it's basically the polar opposite of the laws where I live). I have no doubt she was intending to stir things up.
2. I don't think anyone was being unduly harsh on her or crossed a line. Perhaps some people said some things they maybe should've kept quiet, but nothing struck me as over-the-top or out-of-line. I think most people were just kinda shocked that she was able to just go out and buy a gun. And her saying that shooting is a hobby just like knitting.
I really like Chelle. I hope she sticks around (comes back?) but I just can't believe she didn't have any clue that she'd get flack for posting a "woohoo, I just bought a gun after dinner!" type of post.
The only reason I posted is that Chelle seemed to think c_joy was nuts with her reaction. I wasn't particularly invested in the thread, but as someone who lived in a 'hood where gunshots weren't that unusual, Chelle's response, calling it "action" did seem a little insensitive. I wasn't criticizing her for owning a gun, though I was curious why she was getting one. Of course, it's her right if she wants to have one.
You can't have it both ways. Either it's a liberal-leaning board, and Chelle should have known the stir she was causing, or it's not -- and you have to stop complaining about it being a lib board.
I had a posted on chelle's original thread after it was all said and done and the nest must've ate it. however, I agree with MD's post on there 100%
unfortunately it seems like the conservatives can't post any good/exciting news for them w/out getting flack from the left. when someone posts "my gay cousin got married" it's all congrats from the left and if anyone who doesn't agree to that usually stays mum. (and I'm totally pulling that example out of my ass since it seems to be the hot button issue these days). so if you didn't agree with chelle's excitement about buying a gun, just ignore it. why rain on someone else's parade?
I agree, Elizabeth, and said something similar on the other thread.
I hope Chelle comes back after a break, because I do like having people around to post opposing views. Chelle is a seasoned Nestie and not a newbie to the board, and I think she's smart enough to know what kind of reaction she'd get.
If I posted a personal update about purposely getting fired from my job so I could collect unemployment, I'd expect some kind of negative reaction and not "ooo, fun, you're sabbotaging a job so you can get government assistance, good for you!" (also pulling this example out of my ass). It's a message board about politics and gun control is an oft discussed issue. Chelle knows that.
I don't think it's so much raining on someone's parade as knowing your audience when speaking.
I wasn't raining on her parade, I was truly congratulating her. She's mentioned several times recently that she's been thinking about getting a new gun, and I am happy that she did.
However it is not unreasonable to assume that if you post that you bought a gun on a national forum full of women from all over the country, and also in other countries; that there may be people present who have lost loved ones to gun violence and have generally more visceral emtional reactions to the topic.
If I posted a personal update about purposely getting fired from my job so I could collect unemployment,
I don't think this analogy is applicable. She legally purchased a weapon as opposed to doing something totally unethical.
I see the rain drops in posts over there, but not yours. I think your interactions with her were totally appropriate and not at all condescending or offensive in any way.
The problems arose in a misunderstanding of a her response to you, but that's not at all your fault.
Yes, I said I pulled it out of my ass. But my analogy is something I know people feel strongly about. Her post was in regards to something people feel strongly about, and she seems smart enough and seasoned enough to know that. Welfare = a hot topic for a politics board. Gun control = a hot topic for a politics board. It's not like her exciting new purchase was something completely innoccuous and non-controversial like a dining room table. It was a board-related purchase so she got a board-related response.
I know it sucks when people react differently than you want them to, but the reality of posting on a message board is that it often happens that way.
Here's where that argument falls apart, though: the discussion didn't turn to gun control related topics until the third page or so, after ChelleA left, when wait times came up.
The kerfluffle occurred over a misreading of tone (first probably a misunderstanding but then totally deliberate as she explained herself). So that's where the frustration came in.
No one asked her about what type of background check they had to do or what type of license she had or needed. Maybe everyone on there is an expert on Iowa gun laws, I don't know. But if the concern was the availability of guns, then that should have been the topic of attack, not disparaging her for being insensitive to mxolisi, when that wasn't even her intent. kwim?
I agree with this, but when more than one person says it went somewhere bad or were harsh, then you also have to accept that it probably was and those that think that are not crazy/etc.
It's really not that bad an analogy. ?It's legal to get fired and collect unemployment. ?Some people might call it unethical. ?It's legal to get a gun yet still some people might call it unethical. ?How about abortion? ?Is that better? ?If I said, woohoo I got an abortion. ?No more babies! I would expect quite a negative reaction even though it was a legal decision.
?I have no sympathy for ChelleA. ?No one said anytihng particularly mean. ?She was bragging to a board she knew disagreed with her. ?She couldn't have been surprised at the reaction.
I am cold in my office and hungry, hence cranky and getting way more into this when I would have otherwise, so after this post I'm going to lunch.
I never made any judgments about the appropriateness of the direction of the thread. I'm just saying that it's not surprising that the thread wasn't all "yay guns" and I think it's disingenuous to suggest that chelle believed it would be.
It definitely turned into a way bigger deal than it had to be (in fact I'm still wasting my time over there squabbling over pretty unrelated minor points).