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Am I wrong?
Am I wrong to not want to go to a wedding on new years eve? My hubby and I and his parents have been fighting with me over this topic. Thoughts...
Re: Am I wrong?
You are not wrong to not want to go.
However, you probably should just suck it up and go. I am.
It's so maddening.. I just want to shake the couple and be like really?
Whose wedding?
You're wrong to be asking today, if you've already rsvp'd yes. Go.
You're right if you've already rsvp'd yes but you now have hepatitis.
You're insane if you think your inlaws have any say in this. Unless, of course, it's their kid's wedding that you've already rsvp'd yes to and now you're being a big butt about because you want to go to someone else's hopping party instead of your BIL's wedding. Or your dh is a member of the wedding party.
Ditto this. If you have already RSVP'd yes you need to go. It is beyond rude and awful to just not show up after the couple has already counted on you coming and paid for the food, alcohol, etc involved.
I HATE holiday weddings. I think it is incredibly presumptuous of people to get married on a holiday weekend since so many people have plans or traditions that have to be changed in order to attend. But as the guest you have the choice on whether to come or not but only up until you have sent out the RSVP. Once you choose you need to follow through.
Honestly, I understand this. I would rather go to a wedding on Christmas Day than NYE-- it is my favorite family holiday.
But, at this point, you have RSVP'ed, and I'm guessing it is somewhat close friends and family? That is why I am going.
So you're going because what your MIL wants/says is more important to your H than what his wife wants.
First cousin, I think you should attend. I think this fight was fought a long time ago, and you lost.
Did your H talk to you about RSVPing yes before he did it? Maybe he should grow some balls when it comes to his mom and stick to the decision you both had made. BUT at the same time since you already did RSVP yes you need to suck it up and go. In the future though I wouldn't let your MIL tell you what to do.
and yes NYE weddings are about the stupidest idea ever, I would hate that, especially if it was a family member and not a friend.
One hour is not that far. If it's the big issue then get a hotel room.
I agree with above - you lost this one already. When the invitation/RSVP was handled .. month + ago? THAT is when you should have put your foot down and said NO if you really didn't want to go.
Now ... you have to go because YOU DID RSVP - regardless if YOU were strong armed or if your husband is a mama's boy and did as his mother asked - YOU are RSVPed.
I will forever remember the two couples that RSVP to our wedding and sit down dinner and then didn't come because 'they ended up being tired after a long week of work'. The bride and groom will KNOW and will REMEMBER if you RSVP and then don't come. I loved my wedding and what we spent was worth it but it irritates me to no end that 400 bucks went down the drain with meal selections not eaten and all the other stuff (chairs, tables, etc) that wasn't needed since they didn't come.
How can they fight about how you feel about the date/time? I mean, it's how you FEEL about it.
I think you're really fighting on being pushed into going to an event you don't want to go to. Your MIL is saying that your attendance is a reflection on her ... declining requires an explanation by her ... declining needs to be approved by her .... and it doesn't. You are an adult and have outgrown her need for supervision and what you do/don't do no longer reflects poorly on her. And saying/acting like it does is pure manipulation and drama.
Now if your DH wants to go and you don't want to go - well, then that's normal and can happen from time to time in healthy marriages. You work it out. You don't yell at the person and say they that they are wrong for feeling resentful that you have to spend a holiday at someone's wedding. To say that you are wrong for feeling like this isn't how you want to spend NYE is manipulative and guitl-inducing and has no place in a health marriage.
So yes, feel the way you feel. In case you're asking, I would look forward to a wedding on NYE. Sounds like a nice excuse to dress-up and dance and have a fancy dinner with lots of people I know. Is this at midnight - or normal wedding time? What would you rather do?
Then be pissed off at your H and leave your MIL out of this.
My first cousin is getting married on NYE, if I could afford to go, we'd be going.
Holiday wedding aren't my favorite, but if I only lived an hour away, I'd go.
I think an NYE wedding sounds fun.
Beats the hell out of watching "2011 in Review" or going to some ridiculous bar and paying a cover charge. It even sounds better than sitting in my apartment and drinking champagne in the warmth.
Go. Have a good time.
OMG, /dead at this.
You are not wrong for not wanting to go, but it's a little too late now. Your bigger issue is that you are allowing your ILs to make decisions for you.
As for holiday weddings, I got married the Saturday after Thanksgiving. No one thought it was rude. If they had other plans, then they had other plans and replied "no."
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Ok, I just have to add this in... (Although preface it w/ NO, you are completely NOT wrong @ all!) However, I did attend an NYE wedding (friends of the family) as a child and it was like the greatest thing EVAH!!
I think mostly because under normal circumstances, ahem every other year, we (the kids) were getting ditched at home w/ the babysitter, while our parents all went out or to the party or whatever. But with a wedding, WE got to go out and celebrate NYE too!! So I guess what I'm trying to explain is that YES, you absolutely have every right to not attend this wedding. And if thinking about the presence of super excited pre-teens and how thrilled they're gonna be to be OUT helps your conviction that it's okay to skip, then please use that image as the final straw.
Thank you everyone for all opinions. I needed to vent. Not going after rsvping was never a lot in my mind. I remember the people who did it to me and I would never do that. Yes my hubby is a wimp for not standing up to his mother. This upcomg week is jam packed for us. We leave for vaca jan 5 . For all of thos saying an hour is not long... It is in Cleveland with no guarantee of weather.
I also have other personal reasons that I wish not to attend. My hubby an mil know the reasons, but apparently my feelings don't matter... Life goes on, I will attend for dinner and a dance or two and be home before 2012.
As someone who used to pay $90 for a "NYE Party" at a bar or restaurant, I wouldn't get angry about someone ELSE throwing a party that I could attend, complete with music, food, and bar!
For a first cousin, to not go "b/c it's New Year's Eve" is pretty lame. I"m wondering how you would feel if YOUR first cousin got married and your H didn't want to go "b/c it was a holiday weekend."
You RSVP'd yes, so go.
In the future, keep distance between you and your ILS, b/c your MIL has too much say in your plans, even if she is keeping you from being a self-centered baby.
I didn't realize Cleveland was exempt from weather.com's 5-day forecast. Which is calling for high 30s to mid 40s on NYE. I don't know if anybody has told you, but the Midwest has been going through this crazy snow-less warmer-than-average winter so far. And I personally know people in Cleveland who commute an hour to and from work every single day.
I also have other personal reasons that I wish not to attend. My hubby an mil know the reasons, but apparently my feelings don't matter... Life goes on
Stop with the dot dot dot passive agressive poor me crap, it's really annoying. If you did not want to go, the time to fight the fight was back when your *** dh said yes because his mommy made him;and the fight should have been with him.