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Ironic but so wonderfully relieving
So I have been waiting and waiting for the final divorce papers to sign and get back to the judge and my attorney has been dragging his feet forever. I have been calling and emailing daily for the past 3 weeks trying to get these papers so I can get them notarized.
Well yesterday I get a phone call from STBXH and I haven't heard from him in weeks. So I answer and he just belittles me from the start to the end of the conversation, and it was all lies. In a previous post, I had mentioned that my best friend of 15 years has dropped me, well I find out that STBXH and her are like bffs now. So he's going on saying all of this stuff that she's saying about me and the laundry list is so ridiculous. All 100% lies.
She said: 1. I lost a lot of weight because I'm doing heroin. 2. BF and I are running drugs from Mi and selling them. 3. She kicked BF and I out of her house because she caught him shooting heroin in her bathroom. 4. My life is on the wrong path because I bought BF a $400 Christmas/Birthday gift and my bills aren't paid so I'm calling her asking her for money. 5. I got fired from my job and I'm about to lose my other job because I never go to work.
I was just appalled. Every damn thing he spouted to me was a lie. First and foremost I don't mess with hard drugs. My XBF died of a heroin overdose when I was 20 years old. I don't even associate with people who do heroin. I sure as hell do not sell drugs either. Please. Also, my bills are all paid on time, every month and I quit my second job and I just got my yearly review at my FT job and it was excellent. I don't understand where people get this crap.
So a bit of drama ensued when I discussed it with BF because I was upset of the things he said about me, so BF called him to talk about it. BF was very calm and STBXH flipped out saying he was going to fight him and break him in half, called him a drug addict, a deadbeat dad, and every name in the book, which none of which is true. So finally after listening to every nasty thing STBXH said, I got fed up, texted him a picture of BF's penis and said that STBXH isn't a man, never made me *** in 4 years, and BF makes me *** like a porn star. Needless to say he shut his mouth immediately. Ha.
And I woke up today to all of my divorce paperwork waiting for me to mail out. THANK THE DEAR BABY JESUS. So glad that this is going to be over with.
I thanked BF for standing up for me, because it was totally the sweetest thing he could have done. Something about STBXH makes me shut down when he talks to me. I hate that he controlled my life for so long and I'm powerless over him. I never have to speak to him ever again, thank God.
Re: Ironic but so wonderfully relieving
Look, my ex tells all kinds of lies about me (I cheated on him, I dated a stripper, I am an alcoholic and bipolar, etc.) but I just laugh it off. It doesn't get to me, because I don't care what he thinks and anyone who believes him isn't worth having in my life.
If your ex can still get to you to the point where you are doing crazy crap (like texting him a pic of your BF's junk? WTF? How old are you?) then you should probably be in some intense therapy. You have some issues to sort out.
Your BF let you take a pick of his penis and send it to your STBXH? And why did your BF call him? There's really no need for the two of them to talk, it just creates more drama.
That sucks about all the lies and craziness, and I'm glad your paperwork came, but this whole thing seems messed up to me.
Wow....everytime you post, I am further convinced that you are in need of help in so many more ways than anyone here can provide for you. Seriously? You texted him a picture of your BF's penis? Please tell me you just made that up for effect because you're a drama llama.
I could say so many things right now but mostly I'm concerned for your personal safety and sanity because you are obviously mentally unstable. Please, please call your therapist ASAP and make an appointment. Consider taking a leave of absence from work to sort through everything you are dealing with. And, even though you won't listen to this, you really have ZERO business being in a relationship of any kind right now.
I know I shouldn't have done it, but at the same time he abused me so badly in our relationship and he had the gall to put into the divorce post nup that he wants our lives to be "separate and there is no need to know about each other's goings on in any way, shape, or form" so he should honor it. I've been not contacting him because I've been trying to move on with my life since I left him and he's still trying to call me and find out every inch of my life. I blocked him and his entire family from Facebook, and I don't speak to our mutual friends anymore just incase someone decides they want to talk about me.
I needed to get him out of my life once and for all and I know that was the only way to immasculate him enough to make him stop.
BF was just trying to stand up for me and ask him to stop because he knows I have a hard time with the way he talks to me, plus he's angry at the way STBXH treated me. I know it wasn't his place but I appreciated the gesture.
This too. If you feel the need to get "revenge" on your ex by insulting his sex skills, you should not be with someone else. You have some major hang ups. I mean, come on SO-raise your hand if your ex made up vicious lies about you. Raise both hands if you then text him pics of another man's trouser snake. Does your BF know that you did that? is he okay with it? If so, you are both crazy.
Dear lord.
Is this real? I mean really...
I don't care how many lies he has told or how wrong/disgusting they were, you basically proved to him that you are trash and off your rocker. Having/Letting your BF call your X, sending that picture and the messages... it is all over the line.
I am not trying to ne mean. It just seems so ridiculous to me that you think this happening was a good thing. It is just gross.
Totally didn't make it up. Just wanted to dig deep into him because of the terrible things he had said to me.
This. That's where the real crazy showed up for me. You see nothing wrong with what you're doing at all. This isn't the behavior of a normal, healthy, centered person. I honestly don't think you have the capacity to function in life right now, let alone a relationship. It seems you are going through some sort of emotional breakdown, that you might not even be aware of.
How old are you?
27
He wasn't standing up for you, he was trying to show up your X. Maybe at first he wanted to defend your honor, but you both turned it into a pathedic, trashy Jerry Springer moment.
It's not funny to anyone? That's a riot. I sat and let him walk all over me for 4 years, punch me, and abuse me. During sex he never let me get off, he just took his 3 minutes, pulled out, and left the room. I think he deserved what he got, considering he got everything in the divorce including ruining my credit.
I walked away with nothing, broken. So I got him back with one gesture. I, personally, think it's hilarious.
What's wrong with this picture if you're the only one laughing?
Girl, you are talking to a lot of women who have been through similar or worse. My X put me through hell and is one of the biggest DBs in the world.
After he was arrested I told him all of my true feelings, calmly through tears. It lifted a lot of weight off my shoulders. It made me feel better.
However I have never stooped to his level. I never called him names. I never let another person fight with him or confront him. I never hit below the belt, even if I thought he deserved it. Why? Because I am not him. I am better than that, but MOSTLY b/c he wasn't worth my energy or time. He simply wasn't worth it.
Looking back I feel so much better about myself for retaining my honor.
Because you have mental problems. No, no one else thinks that is funny. It is VERY sad that he treated you like that, you need to work past those issues with the help of a therapist so that you can be emotionally healthy.
And how was that "getting him back"? I doubt his world was rocked by a d!ck pic.
I think at some point I just cracked. I cannot take the abuse any more from him, especially when I haven't been with him in almost 10 months. You poke a lion so many times before you lose your arm.
I'm going through a lot right now, not to say that anyone else isn't, and you ladies (and men) have been wonderful. I know I didn't do the 'right' thing, but I did what made me feel good for once. I knew it was the breaking point and the only thing that would get him off of my back. I'm so sick of hurting because of him, and because of the way he makes me feel so worthless to myself when I know I'm worthy of better. I just needed him out.
The best revenge is living well. By sending the pic of your BF's junk you proved that you are the crazy, vengeful, hate filled ex wife, who stooped to his level. He's probably the one who's laughing at you right now. Men like that love it when they can get someone to engage with them. And that's exactly what you've done.
Not ironic.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
Why the hell do you continue to talk to him? You're divorced. You have no kids. You have no reason to ever speak to him again! You don't have to put up with his crap at all. Don't answer when he calls - if you can't do that - change your number! Don't respond to emails.
He should have no bearing on how you feel about yourself. Why do you care what he thinks of you at this point?
You are not together anymore. You do not have to speak to him. Cutting down another person down should not make you feel better. Even if he is a bad person, getting joy out of saying and doing what you did... that is sick.
This is why you need therapy. I can guarantee you did not hurt him, you just gave him ammo! Don't answer his calls, in fact, block his number. Send his emails straight to junk mail. You are letting him get to you at this point. You cannot control him or change him; he will always be this way no matter how many low blows you deliver. The ONLY person you can control is yourself. You need to work through how to deal with everything without getting "revenge". You need to reach a place where he cannot hurt you anymore. People can't hurt you if you don't care what they say.
You may feel better now, but how will you feel when people start talking about how crazy you are for sending that pic and siding with him? He won't have to lie anymore, he has photo evidence you have lost it.
Honestly, it's no wonder that there are rumors floating around about you and BF being associated with drugs. You're not acting like a rationale person. What are people to conclude except for you are self medicating or you are mentally unstable?
I don't wanna jump on the bandwagon and kick you while you're clearly spiralling downwards, but you do need serious help. No amount of abuse or lies makes your behavior okay or funny. Its incredibly immature and just goes to show how you truly need a "time out" to dig deep and find out where all your self-hatred is coming from. Please try and learn from this experience. If you truly loved yourself, then NOTHING anyone says would have such a negative effect on you. If you know these things aren't true, you let it roll off your back.. who cares what other's think? Why stoop to such a low level and do something so vile?
With your behavior, I would also guess you were on crack, not herion...
You need a better therapist. All you're doing is hiding behind a victim card. Just because you were abused doesn't mean you get to act like a baby for the rest of your life.
I think your XH is a VERY VERY lucky man. I think he kn ew crazy when he saw it!
Is there anyone out there without kids whose paperwork says anything different than this? That's pretty standard - it's called DIVORCE. You live separate and have no need to know about the other's personal life.
And who cares if he was bad in bed? If your new BF is so much better, then just enjoy it. Do you think sending him that pic hurt him? No, he's laughing at you right now - and probably at your BF too.
I'm thinking if you're still this emotionally wrapped up in your ex, you probably shouldn't be in another relationship...but I think you've been told that before.