Starting Over
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
s/o remarry.. would you remarry HIM?
I know a lot of you have had awful separations, so I expect quite a few "hell no"'s lol but I know some people haven't had terrible separations, or may just be taking time apart to figure things out.
So I'm curious, would you get back with the ex after separation or remarry him after divorce? Under what circumstances would you even consider it?
Re: s/o remarry.. would you remarry HIM?
Kelly Monaghan's 5K - 5/15/11 - 3rd Place in AG
Walk the Talk 5K - 5/18/11 - 31:12 PR
Ridley Run 3.1 - 4/14/12 - 1st race of the year, 32:45
haha I kind of figured this is how the responses would go.
I'm not in the "hell no" group, but I'm not sure what that really means for me. We didn't have anything traumatic happen that caused the end of the relationship or anything wild to make it such a definite answer. I am feeling like I may be alone in this boat lol
Well at this present moment we have put filing on hold - or I should say that I put filing on hold. He has not been pushing to file at any point during our separation.
No, I would never get back together with my XH. We didn't have anything traumatic happen either. We just weren't a good match. I don't anticipate either of us changing our basic personalities any time soon, so that reason will always be sound.
What DID cause the "end" of your relationship? (I say "end" because you just said you're only separating, and not currently pursuing divorce?)
While my marriage didn't have anything seriously awful (drugs, cheating, physical abuse, etc) happen, there is no way in hell I would remarry my XH. Just the thought...blech.
It definitely seems like there is more for you to figure out OP.
I really loved my stbxh and loved being married to him.
With him telling me bluntly that he had really never loved me and held that inside, told me that he could not be himself around my deafness and does not like my personality, that was a really high level of hurt for me.
I can see he is filled with guilt and he is trying hard to make sure my son and I are taken care of. However, to accept him back into my life as a husband would feel like I am allowing myself to be less than what I am. So no, I won't take him back despite my past feelings for him.
I have to separate fantasy/dreams from reality and stick with reality.
At the time, it seemed that we had both made bigger promises than we could keep. I thought that I was okay with him coming home at 7 four nights a week. He thought he was ok with ttc a year into our marriage. Long story short, I had things go on in my personal world that may or may not have caused me to create havoc in our marriage. Right now I'm trying to sort that information.
Do you mind me asking why, then? Or, how are you so certain if there was nothing crazy? I mean, something told you it was a good idea at one point.. so without something happening, what makes you sick to even think of being married to him again? Again, you can certainly tell me to MMOB.
If I am honest with myself and what I deserve, that would be a no. It's hard to say no when I really wanted my marriage to work. This is something I will need to work through in therapy.
Not being on the same page re: kids is a BIG deal.
The lifestyle stuff is workable if you're both willing to work on it.
Not sure about the other "things" you're talking about, but hopefully you're seeing a therapist.
You sound confused, and I'm sorry about that. It's not a good feeling.
No, that's fine, ask away.
While I said there's nothing seriously awful that happened, there was a level of what I consider to be emotional abuse. Him telling me hurtful things, making me feel less than (which I realize I let him to do that to me, but still), him trying to control me (things like demanding that I come to bed because he had to get up early, even though I wasn't tired), etc.
I tried to get him to work on our marriage through counseling because I knew something was off, but he refused (initially). When he finally did come around, I had had enough and was just done.
It's weird because despite having what I consider to be a pretty miserable marriage, I don't consider my XH to be a bad guy. I think he just has some serious work to do and could one day be a good husband and father. Just not with me.
(I should also add that he is morbidly obese and had zero sex drive. While I don't mind larger guys, especially as I'm fairly large myself, the two coupled together really weren't working for me. Eventually I became disgusted with him, both physically and emotionally - hence my original "blech".)
Well that makes sense though, that you'd want to be out of the relationship based on all those things.
So, if he put the work in himself and I guess even got in better shape and now the better part of a year has passed so you see that he is sustaining the changes, would it still be "no"?
Good luck in therapy! I hope you're able to get a handle on your feelings and resolve your current situation
Thank you, I appreciate that.
Whenever someone says that to me though, I always feel like they can clearly see the answer from the outside perspective but want me to figure it out on my own and drives me crazy lol
lol This is prettyyyyy much what I expected you to say.. although I would have thought you'd still say no at that point
My initial reaction at the thought of re-marrying XH?
It would still be an unequivocable no
I think he/we would slip into old patterns and it would be miserable. I just can't trust him again, and also can't get past my feelings of disgust. I wouldn't be able to get over the all the past hurt. Nevermind the fact that I've now been in a healthy relationship for over a year and know what one is supposed to feel like.
Hey, I could do a lot with a billion! Including hiring a hit man...just sayin'. Plus, no one ever said I had to sleep with him again (
) and I could divorce his asss the next day once the transaction went into my account!