Starting Over
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: s/o remarry.. would you remarry HIM?
Well, I can assure you that I do NOT have the "answer" to your situation! But I'm also not IN your relationship, so even if I thought I had the answer, the odds of me knowing the best thing for you to do would not be that great.
I guess my only advice is to (1) really commit to therapy to find out what YOU want and need first, then (2) see if your husband can (and is willing to and wants to) provide that. THEN, (3) decide if you want HIM to be the one to provide it after all.
There! 3 simple steps!
lol. We all know it's not that easy...
Makes sense. So even without anything wild, you have a certainty to your answer.
I just don't have that kind of confidence either way right now. I feel like my H would be in the one to have the trust issues now since I may have gone a little crazy and ended up walking out on him.
hahah that's more like it! I should have known there was a motive behind that 'yes' lol
Knowing what we all know about your XH, I'm guessing he'd probably see this and say, "So you're saying there's a chance?!" LOL
Even with the bad, I'm not sure I regret marrying him though. He didn't really change until after we moved away from our hometown and by then, we were in the middle of planning the wedding and I was too dumb to see some of the signs.
He blessed me with the two best things in my world. And I'm very thankful for that.
I just would never go back to him.
As funny as it may seem, it's reassuring to hear you say that you don't know. I get this paranoia when people are all "oh don't worry you'll figure it out..." that they are all laughing at me from a distance because they all know the right answer but I'm just too far "in" the situation to see it.
I just made an appointment with my therapist to really dig into everything instead of telling her what I "know" because clearly there are things left unturned at this point.
I wish it was this easy! It seemed so easy the first time to just go with all the good feelings and dive right in! Now suddenly it's like I feel the need to examine every little detail - which I think is going to cause more harm than good right now.
I love you MCC.
Nah, I know what you mean. I'm pretty sure no one is laughing at you.
re: therapy, sounds like you're going in with a good and open attitude, so that can only help.
I'm also on the hell to the no train. He was abusive, cheated since the day I met him, and made me feel like I couldn't finish anything. Since splitting I have good credit, money in the bank and have more control over my life. I completely lost myself in my marriage.
Agreed that I don't think that's the norm. I would be curious as to what caused the initial divorce, that they are now able to live with?
Hahahaha THIS!
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
These are the stories that freak me out a little. Why, then, if he's so wonderful, can you not make it for the long haul? You don't have to answer, I just don't understand when people say that what it means.
It means that a marriage is more than living like siblings or really cool roommates. It means that I came to terms with the fact that we really weren't more than friends, and that we both deserved a shot at a more fulfilling relationship.
I wanted more for myself, and for him. So even though we weren't angry, even though nothing terrible happened, we acknowledged that we just weren't a good couple. Too many fundamental personality conflicts. And we decided to end it on good terms. He's still one of my closest friends. He's still my family. He's just not my husband anymore.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
Nope.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
Ok, that makes a lot of sense. Thank you for that.
I am also infamous for looking at others' stories and wondering how I relate or if my timelines match or if the outcome would be the same, etc, etc. I realize it's a terrible habit because no ones stories are exactly the same, but it's sort of temporarily comforting to think that we aren't as alone as we feel sometimes.
Sure, in a heartbeat.
If by marry him you mean shoot him.
hells no. I shouldn't have even dated him, and I knew the day of the wedding it was a mistake, but then I freaked out and didn't stop it.
I honestly think he has a personality disorder. He is incapable of telling the truth and has absolutely no empathy for anyone. Everything else is just a spinoff from that.