Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: what is the worst thing about being divorced?
I am in the middle of a bad divorce right now so here it goes:
Being afraid of another failed marriage/long-term relationship
The money spent to get divorced. It is killing me
Being extremely alone. Especially in my case. I left friends and family and I had only him, his friends and family to rely on. Now with the divorce, I have no family or real friends close by. It sucks.
Being ashamed of being divorced and ashamed of having very little friends/family around.
Having to start over at 29 in both my career and love life
This. And scrutinizing the guys I date with a microscope to try to avoid it in the future.
Dealing with the financial hole I'm in and being stuck living with my parents until I climb out.
Also watching my friends that got engaged and married around the same time as me getting pregnant and having kids. It's such a reminder of how many steps backward I've been kicked
The occasional bouts of loneliness. The feelings of failure. The massive hit to my self-esteem. The nights I spent hysterically crying because I was absolutely convinced I would never have children, that I had blown my one and only chance. The fear that all the bad things he said about me were true. Actually, fear, period. Fear of the unknown was what kept me in the marriage so long. That and my stupid pride.
All of these feelings were temporary, thank God. I made peace with all of it in the first year. Beyond those feelings, the practicalities of selling a house and dating again also sucked balls. I didn't hate dating, I just felt so awkward and unprepared at first. That also got better with practice.
Now I'm over a year removed from the divorce decree, all loose ends have been tied up, and I find nothing about my life that sucks. Therapy was the major factor.
#1 and #2 did suck balls, no lie. I am in these stages as well, though I am now moved out. I literally let these things drag on for months just because I was dreading them so much. But honestly? I feel 1000x better now.
I'm still sad about the demise of the relationship and upset about all of the sh.i.t H put me through, but I'm working through it in therapy, and I'm confident that I'm going to come out of this as a better person.
Once you know you need to leave, you're only punishing yourself if you continue to stay.
This question would have been easier for me to answer closer to when I first got divorced. At that point I may have said being lonely or the financial aspects of being a single mom since I get $0 a month in child support (we had it written so that we each "support" ds when he is with us, because I knew that if ex gave me the $$ that the cs calculator said he would owe me, ds would not have his own space at dad's apartment and it would not be an a safe neighborhood ... that was more important to me than a cs check).
Now, honestly, I think the hardest part is that ds really looks up to my bf ... more than he looks up to his dad ... and ex is starting to sense this by ds' comments about wanting to be a Boy Scout like bf and wanting to be an engineer like bf and wanting to watch Myth Busters with bf. BF and I try and stay neutral and just encourage ds' interests and his relationship with his dad, but it is apparent by ex's recent comments and ideas that he is a tad jealous of ds' relationship with bf. He even asked if bf and I wanted to have dinner one night with him and his gf (aka the former mistress). Um, I'd rather poke my eyes out. Trying to be friendly with all involved is the hardest part for me after what ex put me through at the end of our marriage.
yep, this. Last night I was daydreaming after a date, I thought about getting married and I scared myself so bad I almost choked on a pretzel.
Having to cook my own meals and take out the trash
Also, having maintenance done on my car is more difficult because I don't have a "built in" person to give me a ride to work.