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Gah this NIP thing just burns my biscuits!
I get it that women have a legal right to NIP, but what I don't understand is WhyTF its an issue for them to simply put some clothes on/cover? Yes, its the public's problem apparently that you need to feed your kid while you are out. I NIP but I had a cover and I chose a good spot out of the way.
I just don't understand why they feel that their rights and the rights of their baby trump the comfort level of other patrons. I feel the same way about kids at restaurants etc. I chose to have a kid so I could deal with them and the rest of the world shouldn't have to if they are melting down in public or something. When I NIP I really didn't want to make people uncomfortable. I saw it as respect for others' feelings.
Yes, my kid had to eat, but it doesn't mean that I have to make a political statement about it. Also, this whole "people need to see BF in public in order to not be freaked out by it" is ludicrous to me. Some folks just don't want to see it, and no amount of shoving in their face is going to make them dig it.
/head explode.
Re: Gah this NIP thing just burns my biscuits!
No, its just the discussion on 3-6 that Sailor posted about. I just don't understand why the crazies have to be so crazy.
NIP Thread on 3-6
There is no appropriate emocon for my face right now. It is a split between ashamed and trying not to giggle. I apparently turn into a troll after the clock strikes twelve. No more posting after midnight for me.
Well some babies don't like to eat with covers on. DS#2 didn't. And really, you could almost turn your argument around and say why do the feelings of people you don't even know trump yours or your baby's need to eat?
That said, I fully support mothers feeding their kids where ever they want to, but I agree that it's not hard to be respectful and attempt to cover up, even if you aren't using a cover. I have to say, I could never understand why people get so worked up about seeing a quick flash of boob or nip before the baby latches on.
Can I be one with you? That was fun.
This is true. I just saw covering as a win-win. Kid gets fed & whatever is left of my dignity is spared lol. I don't understand why folks get worked up about a flash of nip either but they do. NIP where ever, but its the attitude that gets me (of the militant NIP ones).
I don't think anyone is really disturbed by just a quick flash. It's the ones that make a point walking around with everything hanging out. Making a point of being all "OH LOOK I'M BREASTFEEDING IN PUBLIC, AND SCREW YOU IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT!!!"
And honestly I'm more bothered by their lack of courtesy for others than anything else. There's no reason to sit down in the middle of an aisle to breastfeed, even if you don't want to go a changing room, almost every store has some sort of cafe area, meant for people to sit at.
I'm with you there. They tend to make any mother that wants to NIP look crazy.
exactly!
Thank you for this. I'm not a mother, but I do work in retail in the kids department. Every time I try to ask mothers not to sit in the middle of the walkway, in front of the elevator, or blocking the shelves it becomes an issue. I'm not offended, I want you to follow the rules like everyone else - sit in the sitting areas!
I'm not a Mom either but its like they don't even read what you are telling them.
Its so simple and I don't see why they don't get it. You are fine with BF and NIP but just because you CAN do it doesn't mean you NEED to do it. If you're doing it just to show people you can then you're doing it wrong. If you need to feed you kid, then just do it but the whole store/restaurant or wherever doesn't need to know your personal business.
You're only making it less socially acceptable when you stage a BF sit-in.
I don't want to have to worry about being caught up in some crazy Bf-ing flashmob just because they want to make sure that I know its okay for them to be there. I'm aware just do your thing and be done with it.
They don't listen because it interferes with what they want to do. For most of these people I don't think it would really matter what the cause was, if it was something, that would make other people accommodate their wants more than other people's, they would be on it like a fat kid on cake.
I'm not 'militant' about it. It actually makes me feel very self-conscious. Whichmakes me more likely to issue a glib one-liner and keep it moving.
I have to add too that I thought BFing in public was right up before I had a kid who thinks peekaboo is awesome.
This is where I'm at. NIP all you want, it bothers me not in the slightest. But for God's sake, don't act like the world revolves around you. I mean, I don't flop my ass down in the aisle of B&N to eat a slice of pumpkin cheesecake. It's rude to the other patrons.
Oddly enough, I'm over it.
I was too tired to be posting and trying too hard to be funny, I think. The beef was with people who make a confrontation out of everything, which PPs here have managed to squeeze out of it even though I didn't make that clear enough.
I once knew a guy who bought a service dog vest for his little bichon frise. He said that the dog was for the treatment of his severe anxiety disorder and thus he needed to take it with him everywhere, even into restaurants. The real reason that he had the dog was obvious - because he was just inchin' for anyone to say anything so that he could *grits teeth and twitches eye* put them in their place. He had some bit about how he was standing up for the rights of the disabled yada yada, but it was clear that his reasons were purely his own power trip. He would tell gleeful, ranting stories about how he put this or that waitress in their place for asking about the dog.
I think about that guy whenever I hear the stories that come out about "harassed" NIPers. So many people discretely NIP and nobody ever says anything to them that I have to wonder how many of these newsmakers (drama llamas on a grand scale) are asserting their rights a WHOLE lot more loudly than is necessary for the nourishment of their children. They're not just NIPing - they're making sure that everyone sure as helll knows that they're NIPing because it is their God given right to NIP and nobody better suggest that they get out of the checkout lane while they're doing it.
And when I said that it bothered me, I really meant that one person in particular because she would expect to continue the conversation with me while exposing WAY more than she could have possibly needed to. It felt weird and purposeful, like she was kind of trying to see if people would get squirmy.
This, totally. I nursed DD for three months and wanted to do it longer but when I returned to work, I couldn't keep my supply up and it stressed me out so much we decided it would be better to supplement with formula and then about a month later, we went to entirely formula.
I got so much sh!t for it from my militant-BFing friends and it hurt me and made me question myself so much. The people who gave me the most grief were all SAHMs who never had to deal with things like pumping at work. They were the same people who would give me crap when I excused myself to feed DD in another room instead of just doing it right where I was - no matter how many times I explained that I was more comfortable in another room.
It's the attitude that if I'm not doing it their way, I'm doing it wrong that bothers me.
BFP #4 It's a BOY!
CP: July 2011
BFP #3: 11/3/2011 M/C 12/12/11
We miss you and love you always, little firecrackers!
I would never take my boob out in the middle of a resturaunt to feed my baby. But you know, even when I tried to find some place "private," I got nasty looks. Its 90 degrees out and we are at the county fair. I find the one air conditioned bathroom in the whole place, sit in a chair in the corner and cover my kid up and get nasty looks the entire time. IN THE WOMEN'S BATHROOM. FROM OTHER WOMEN.
What should I have done? Sit in the car where it is 110 degrees? Stayed home? I agree with tasteful NIP. But you know, some people have a chip on their shoulder that it is just wrong. Even if they can't see any nipple, hell, they can't even see a baby, but they know what I'm doing and heaven forbid they have to think about a child gaining sustenance from my breastmilk.
I tried to find out of the way places to nurse. A park bench in a secluded corner, a bathroom, under a blanket, a changing room... and you know what? It rarely made a difference. I still got judged.
I think that the thing that gets me most is the ones (as others have mentioned) that make a big deal out of it. Like you were saying, sailor, for the types I am talking about it is not just about feeding the kids wherever they are at. For the ones that I am describing it's a soapbox & they are itching to be challenged.
I also don't understand why it's so hard to find a place to sit to nurse. It's rude as all get-out to plop down in the middle of a sales aisle to BF. Plus, wouldn't it be really uncomfortable? I would much rather sit down near the fitting room.
Also, a resounding ??? To the woman in that thread that is carting her newborn all over Disney world? I am all about live your life, but my goodness theme parks seem like a bit much when you have a baby fresh out of the oven? We had another lady on 0-3 ask about that (Disney world) when her kid is only 2 months old! IMHO just wait a bit folks! She claims she got a lot of positive feedback from random strangers there while NIP-- but I would be wondering why she is bringing her NB that won't even remember the trip. I also seriously doubt people would be giving her the thumbs up while she waltzes around the park. It might make me a judgemental person but I side-eye that story.
Anyway, there is no sense in continuing to be upset about it. I will agree to disagree on NIP w/out a cover. Their breasts, their baby & their choice. I chose to be discreet & cover because it worked for us. For those that choose not to over for whatever reason, I think it only makes sense to be realistic & understand that they might get people who are offended. If they encounter it then they can't control others' feelings & no amount of harping is going to make someone change if they are offended by NIP.
I don't get it- even if you're not using a cover you can't ever see much of the boob for more than a second because the kid's head is covering it! Unless my kid just has a giant freaking head. You see more boob on a magazine cover- why aren't people freaking out about that more?
Im offended by girls wearing tights as pants. It makes me uncomfortable to see their ass that clearly. MAKE THEM LEAVE!
That stinks & I am so sorry you had that experience. Your situation is not what I mean & I hope I didn't make you feel bad.
I had a similar experience at the grocery store. I was in the little coffee shop corner waiting for H to finish the grocery shopping while I fed DD. I had a cover & a burp cloth. You could see nothing & the shoppers in there were eyeing me like I just let out a giant fart or had another head. Yes, most of them were women & they were older, so it might be a generation thing? I don't know, but it made me feel like dirt & even more self conscious when I alrdy wasn't that keen on NIP. It was either that or let DD assail their ears with her cries for food. Either way I felt like I couldn't win. So I empathize with you there.
@8daysaweek-- I also had the moms from my BF course lay into me for "not trying" hard enough when I finally had to give in & switch to FF. My period came back in November &even with lactation cookies & meds I couldn't get it back. I felt like such a failure. I have made my peace now but at the time I felt so ashamed & like I was a bad mom.
It can be such a mind-fcuk!
If you noticed no one in this thread is advocating not NIP or making BF moms go anywhere crazy. Sure if you can find a spot out of the way etc. dont just plop down in the grocery aisle or store. I used to NIP when I could & don't have a problem with it. I am not one of the ones who is offended by boobs, so I don't get the people who freak out about it either. My problem is with the BF moms who feel the need to be all up in people's business because they would appreciate some discretion while NIP.
I don't want NIP ladies to feel like they are being shunned or shamed, but simply advocating some self-awareness & respect for the public. I feel the same way about super short shorts or cleavage crazyness. Overall I feel that modesty is a good thing. We don't need to see all the goods, mystery is great!
LOL fuss. Exactly.
~lurker here~
Have you ever really seen someone walking around like this, really??? Walking around with their boobs just swinging in the breeze?
This is usually what people who are anti-NIP use as their example of what is wrong with NIP, but come on, how often do you see this in the real world? I never have, and I am kind of an extreme nurser (I nursed my dd til she was 3 and some of my friends are really pro-BF La Leche League people (you almost might call them pro-bf militants
)).
Yes.
When I worked retail in high school there was a woman who would regularly come in and while shopping go and sit down on the one bench that was in clear view of the counter and pull the front of her shirt down.
Now last I checked the baby can only use one at a time... so I'm not sure why they were both being bared.
I'm sure she was an extreme example. But yes, I've seen it. (Also yes, this is the same job with poop in the sink on the regular. People were so weird there.)
I don't like anyone who uses it to "make a statement."
Updated September 2012.
That is a shame, then. Like I said, I was what you might call a 'militant bf-er', but by that term means that I was a volunteer lactation consultant, went to LLL conferences, extended nursed my daughter. The opinion of me and my fellow bf advocates was that it was important to normalize bf-ing in public, but by that we meant bf-ing discretely (not using a coverup, but not walking around with boobs hanging out either.) Our feeling was that if we "let it all hang out", it really backfires and does not normalize nursing in public- it actually turns people off to nursing. It's a shame that people actually "let it all hang out" like that because it sets us all back.