Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Do you ever sleep separately from SO?
Do you ever sleep separately from your SO even if you are in the same house? I am just curious. To me, it makes sense sometimes and I prefer it smetimes. When I say I prefer it I mean when one of us is sick or something. It is odd to me that it took me a while to convince my DH it was okay for us to sleep separately sometimes. I know for sure he does not worry about me cheating. It isn't an issue now for us since we have dealt with it and now occassionally sleep separately. I just assumed all couples slept separately sometimes. I know my parents do. DH claims my inlaws never have. I would guess that in fifty years of marriage at some point they have slept in separate rooms in the same house. To me it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with the relationship. It may mean you want sleep and/or you don't want to get your partner sick. There are a host of other reasons not listed.
Re: Do you ever sleep separately from SO?
Well, I went from having a queen size bed to myself to sharing a full size with FI. I am a very restless sleeper and sometimes I just need my space to spread out! If I'm having one of those nights I will sleep on the couch so I don't keep him awake with my tossing and turning. Doesn't make sense for two people to have to deal with a bad night's sleep. I don't do that very often though and we are planning to get a queen size mattress in the next year or so...yay!
I don't think my parents have ever slept in separate beds/rooms.
My parents never EVER slept separately, including after they had announced they were getting a divorce but before my dad moved out.
Sleeping separately isn't an indication of issues any more than sleeping together is an indication that everything is hunky-dory.
I sleep better when Mr. Bang is there. We don't live together, so I sleep separately from him 3 nights a week when he's at his place w/the little dude, but on nights he doesn't have his son we always sleep together. The only times we haven't were a few nights during my on/off several months long sinus infection earlier in 2011 when I was feverish and sweating buckets. I could barely stand to be in my own skin let alone have him in the bed. Short of that kind of illness I think I'd rather have him there.
We sleep every night seperately. We can't do the together thing. It disrupts our sleep, we're cranky with each other the next day saying that his/my movements, sleep-talking, gas emissions (him), etc disturbed us. He doesn't mind waking up early in the morning and cuddle with me for an hour before going to work. Most of the time I don't know he's there.
But it works for us and we get good nights' sleep.
I forgot about snoring. There have been nights where he's snoring so loud and I cannot stand it...so I sleep on the couch. Usually I can smack him in the leg and he rolls over and stops for a while, but sometimes he's dead to the world and doesn't get my hint!
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
in the middle of the night I've gotten out of bed because I couldn't sleep and slept on the couch...other than that no.
My parents always slept in the same bed (even if one was dying of the flu).
Occasionally one of us will sleep on the couch if the other one is being restless. One night last week I stole all the covers and accidentally kicked him in the nuts, so he elected to find another place to sleep. I'm a notorious bed hog. He thinks it's going to get better when I finally move my king-size in, but no. No matter the space, I will be up in your grill.
It was rare for my XH and I to share a bed. He preferred to sleep in his recliner and we fought about it constantly. After a certain point I preferred that he slept there too.
My parents always try to sleep together, but usually my mom gives up halfway through the night (snoring) and sleeps in the guest room.
We slept separately a couple times during pregnancy because I had to get up a bazillion times to pee & I had insomnia. It was hard for me to get out of our big bed so I slept in the twin bed in Abby's room. It was closer to the smaller bathroom and easier for me to get out of.
We haven't slept separately for any type of reason like marital strife. More for reasons like you describe (being sick or having other issues). When Abby first came home I slept in her room with her (before we got the co-sleeper). I did that so because H was due back at work to run the lab very early in the morning. I didn't want to interfere with his sleep if I could help it.
When we got the co-sleeper I went back to bed with him & Abby at arm's reach. Much to my relief he slept through a lot of the crying in the beginning. He is not opposed to helping at night, and will gladly do it. Its just that I didn't want him to run himself ragged and have to go to work to boot. I had the advantage of getting to nap during Abby's naps during the day so I was just trying to be considerate. Turns out he really likes getting up with Abby so my fears were unfounded. Now that she STTN its all good in the hood lol.
I am with you that it doesn't mean that there is something necessarily wrong with the relationship. Some folks just need their own space every now and then.
If we're in the same house, we sleep together. We dont' intentionally sleep apart. I had actually never even realized people did this until I came here!
Sometimes if I can't sleep, I'll go out on the couch and watch TV and fall asleep there for awhile. But aside from that - we sleep together.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
It prevents me from murdering him for snoring. If I were mean, I'd post the video I took of him & the baby snoring that I dubbed "like father, like son".
We have to be flexible with our sleeping arrangements with 4 kids and all. Sometimes they're sick, sometimes they want us in a room, sometimes we'd like to watch TV while feeding the baby. It just depends.
However, we love each other very much and it is no indication of any problems in our marriage.
Very rarely but it happens.
I used to be very pearl clutchy about it ("we MUST sleep together or there is something WRONG in our marriage!") but I have realized that in certain situations practicality wins out. We will be sleeping in the same bed for the next 40 years - if we miss a night here or there it isn't a big deal.
I occasionally have nights where I can't sleep for anything and would rather watch tv on the couch til I fall asleep. Our dog went through a bad time health wise a few months back and was keeping us up. We were both zombies and finally decided to alternate nights on the couch as dog nurse so we could each have a good nights sleep every other night. It was only a couple nights. And I can think of 3 or 4 times in our 7 years together that we have slept apart because of a fight.
I would say 99% of the time though, we are both in our bed.
We have different days off. I have Saturday, Sunday, every other Monday and he has every Mondsay and Tuesday. He'll often stay up late and not want to disturb me when he comes to bed, so I'll find him asleep on the couch when I wake up in the morning. Pretty sure he just turns off the video game and TV and falls asleep right there.
If I'm having an exeptionally hard time falling asleep he'll sleep in the guest bed after too many times being nudged by me. This has been very rare since moving into our house, but he's also lost a lot of weight so I don't seem to notice his heavy breathing and he doesn't snore as much.
DH and I alternate couch nights almost every night of the week. He has recently started snoring something terrible and I can't sleep when he snores... plus I am super pregnant and have had trouble getting comfortable for a long time. There is also a dog that barks all night, every night and I can hear it less if I am in the living room on the couch. We both wish we could always sleep in the same bed but it just isn't possible right now. Hopefully after LO is born, I will be able to share the bed and maybe his doctor can figure out why he is snoring all of a sudden and fix it.
DH sleeps on the couch on a regular basis, especially when he is sick. And, while I miss him, I love sleeping in the middle of the bed--arms splayed, legs spread. It is awesome.
eta: hah, this reminds me: a few months back now, I was having troubling getting to sleep (I'm usually out in less than 5 minutes). 30 minutes goes by and I'm still tossing and turning so I asked H to go sleep on the couch. He obliged and I fell asleep a few minutes after he left the room.
We still crack up about that because I basically said to him, "Can you just get out of here?"
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I work out of town for 2 weeks and then I have 1 week off, and repeat. So we sleep separately all the time. I do miss having him beside me at night though.
Sometimes. He knows that if he comes home drunk there will be a little bed setup for him on the couch, with the baby moniter right next to his pillow for the 6am wakeup call. We both win-he gets a night out with the guys and I get a good night sleep!
Yep, that's pretty much the status quo in our house, too. Between the snoring, getting elbowed by DH, DH talking about work (usually involves yelling and swearing, LOL)... Ugh, I love him dearly but I also need sleep. Plus, I'm up between 6 and 6:30 every morning so I can have my coffee, make breakfast, shower, etc., before the Geekling wakes up. Some nights DH doesn't get to sleep because of tossing and turning until 2 or 3 in the morning and likes to sleep until 7:30-8:00. I started sleeping in the room across from DS not long after he was born (the monitor would keep waking me up) and it just sort of stuck. DH and I both get a good night's sleep and we're better for it.