Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
does your husband play video games?
Hi, I was wondering how many of your husbands play xbox, play station, wii, etc.? If any, approximately how long each day or week do they spend doing this? i am having the same constant fight with my husband about his gaming habits and I really want to know if I'm the only person who experiences this or if this is normal.
Re: does your husband play video games?
Did he play video games before you were married?
To answer your question, FI does not play video games.
My husband does, but I definitely don't mind. We're both geeks, and I like video games even though I don't play them myself very much. He sometimes goes long stretches without playing, if we get busy, but on average I would say he plays for around an hour a night.
Yes, he does (as i type this)
He plays about 2 hours every night during the work week, if he is not away on business unless we have something else to do.
he plays i knot, facebook, or play games myself it has only pissed me off once in a while.
Yes he does. He can do it a lot but I don't mind at all. Its his stress relief - a way to zone out. I do the same in the form of reading books and working on crafts.
Now perhaps if DH was doing it to zone ME out or avoid things then I would have an issue.
My best friend once told me that she danced in front of her husband in a sexy black lingerie piece and her H still would not put down the controller. THAT is too much.
Yes. Though it's hard to put a real amount of time on it. He played way too much in college, but plays less now. It's variable though. It doesn't get in the way of his other responsibilities (around the house, to me, to work, etc), which is the important thing.
Sometimes I wish he'd spend that time on a more productive hobby, but considering that his other big hobby is cooking, I don't really have that much to complain about... so long as he isn't trying to do both at the same time.
Playing video games is normal. My h will play for several hours a day, when he can. It does not ,however, interfere with his work, or our relationship.
How long does your H play? Most women that get on here and complain about how long their SO's play usually put an hour amount in their post. So I'm wondering, is it the amount he plays, or that he plays at all that bothers you? Do you not see video games as a legitimate hobby? What's the deal?
thanks for the responses girls. it's not that i mind having the time to myself-i do! i enjoy my tv and my facebook time-but i feel like his gaming i interfering with Us time. he played yesterday from about 11 am unitl 7 pm and then again today from noon to 4 and agin from 7 until ... he's still playing. this is typical. of course during the week it is less because of work but he gets home at around 4 and will be playing when i get home at 5 and he will usually play up to dinner time, 6/630ish. and then depending on the night-if we have no tv shows to watch together he will go back on until bed. i feel like it keeps him from doing stuff around the house, if i interrupt him when he is playing he usually will ignore me. if i want him to do something around the house he says he will do it later when usually its something i want done at that time. he does the whole thing where he plays on teams or versus people and i constantly hear him talking to them on the headset, and cursing. we have talked about time that he spends on here and he says-its his hobby and its what he enjoys doing, but i just look at the big picture and think its too much. i wonder what life will be like if we have kids. he says he wouldn't play that much-but i'm not so sure.
thanks again for your input.
I'd request a once-a-week date night with no video games, computer, or other mobile devices, and see what he thinks. He may realize he's neglecting you to pursue his hobby, or he may feel that spending time with you and only you is some grave imposition -- you won't know which till you ask.
My husband has always been a gamer. He plays anywhere from 4-6 hours a day just depending on how much spare time he has.
As long as he's supporting our family financially, helping me around the house and taking care of his other responsibilities (ie. lawn care, car maintenance, etc.) I don't care how much he plays. I watch TV in the evenings while I Bump, Facebook, etc. and that's when he does his gaming. We're always in the same room together. It would really bother me if we were in separate rooms all that time every evening.
I figure when the babies get here our gaming/tv watching time will drop significantly.
Yes. Some times on teh weekends, all day long. Do I mind? Nope! He is home with me, he isnt out at a bar drinking, or anything like that.
It is his stress reliever and I am glad he has a way to do that!
No, he doesn't even own a gaming system. He does go on his tablet at night though and do stuff for an hour or so, but that's when I either read, watch the TV shows that I like or go on my laptop.
My SO is a gamer, though it varies on how much he plays. Sometimes he'll play an hour or so in the evenings, sometimes he'll play a few hours on the weekends, and sometimes he won't play at all. I've noticed that he tries to play them when I'm either busy doing something else or we're just bumming around the house. His responsibilities around the house (and his relationship with me) take priority.
Gaming was a huge sticking point with my XH. His first priority was work, his second was gaming, his third was his drinking buddies, and his fourth was me. On a good day I'd come in third. It was the topic of many fights, but it took me a while to realize it wasn't the siren song of the games that caused the strife, he just wasn't that into me. And by "a while", I mean many months after my divorce. I wouldn't go on a second date with someone who owned a console. Based on my experiences, I didn't think there was such a thing as having a healthy relationship with gaming. My SO brought me around. He's very present in our relationship. Now I even go buy him games as gifts and accompany him to Best Buy, LOL.
So, long answer short, I think gaming is normal, but if that's all he does and it's negatively impacting your relationship, it's time for a discussion about it (not a fight).
I do think the amount of time you listed is a lot. However, I also think its unfair of either partner to interrupt the other when they're in the middle of something and demand that they do something right then unless its time sensitive. We often have things we want the other to do around the house and will just say, "when you have a chance can you do x or y." If its time sensitive I'll ask "Can you hang that picture sometime this week." DH always takes care of it. But just like I hate to be interrupted when I'm reading a book or cooking and asked to drop everything and do something immediately, I imagine other people don't appreciate it either.
H does, he goes through spurts. Right now he's playing a lot because a new game came out about a month ago he'll play till it's done (about another month then he won't play for about a month or so until the next game is coming out).
When he plays during a week night he'll come home from work, go to the gym with me, help make and eat dinner then play for 2-3 hours and meet up with me to read or watch a show together before bed. He doesn't play on fridays since it's our date night and during the weeekend he'll play a lot during the day and will stop by supper time (or if we have something planned during the day)
It works out really well for us. I watch my girl shows while he plays and have some 'me' time. If he didn't help out around the house or if he stopped making me feel loved and appreciated it would be completely different...this is why I tend to think that it's rarely the video game playing when people have problems and more of the fact that the guy in question is slacking in other aspects of the relationship.
H and I both used to play games all the time. We have a PS2 (I know, I know... we've got our eye on a PS3) and a Wii.
He could spend all day playing Call of Duty and I could spend all day playing Sims. If he was playing, I'd read, sew, tool around on the Nest or something else that I'm interested in. If I was playing he'd do whatever he wanted.
The games have been put away for the time being though. We have an ass-load of house projects going on and we're just too busy. Hopefully by next winter we'll get them wrapped up and be able to pick the controllers back up.
Gaming was so much easier when we rented... damn obligations of homeownership.
http://pandce.proboards.com/index.cgi#general
I am mostly a lurker here but I will reply.
My husband plays video games - usually at least a couple of hours daily. He played a lot more before we met and before we had our daughter and I don't have a problem with it. I actually joined him so now we both play (he plays more than I but I think it makes me understand why he likes it).
My H and I both game. A lot. The kind of a lot that most people would probably side-eye us for. An average weekend has at least one day when we're both on our computers for 8-10 hours. And a few hours every night during the week. He plays more than I do, but it's because I like to cook and read and I have my horse to take care of, but the games are his favorite hobby.
Yes, it can put a strain on the relationship when you feel like you're getting ignored for the game. There was a time when this was close to being a problem when we first moved in together. So, we talked it out and now we both unplug for at least 2 hours a night to spend time together. No more eating dinner in front of our respective monitors.
The important thing is that you and he can both get your priorities straight and carve out time for each other. If you're feeling neglected then you need to tell him that. If he responds by making more time for you then he may have been so absorbed he didn't realize how much time he was spending. If he gets mad at you, or tells you to deal with it, or any of those things... start rethinking how much your relationship means to him.
I will say that I also agree w/ the other poster - don't interupt him. If there is stuff that needs to be done, tell him BEFORE he plays "I need __ and __ done tonight". If any of it is time sensitive, tell him. But I fully agree - don't interupt him w/ something that MUST BE DONE RIGHT NOW!!!! That's not fair.
Also, if he does respond to you in a negative manner and doesn't bother to "hear" you, then yeah.... you need to rethink having kids w/ him. You can even tell him - you need to see ACTION, not just words. For him to say "it will be different when kids come", but he won't bother to make time for you now? Don't kid yourself - this won't change much when kids come.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Several hours of game play each day is NOT normal. Not normal at all.
1 hour a day IS normal.
See the difference?
That's not true at all. Normal is having a hobby that you enjoy but do not allow to affect your life. People spend a LOT more than an hour every day on plenty of their hobbies. No one bats an eye when a guy goes to the gym for 2 hours a day if he has the time. No one would be surprised if a guy spent 2 or 3 hours a day reading.
I get gamer rage when people talk about how "video game time" should be limited or it will kill your relationship. There is nothing wrong with gaming, even for (gasp) more than an hour a day. It's a hobby. It makes him happy. Hopefully we all have hobbies and we're not just sitting around giving our husbands puppy dog eyes until they put down the game.
The problem is when ANY hobby (not just video games) get in the way of having a healthy relationship. I mean, my husband and I play games together. We bond over it, we talk about it. And yet I get the side eye because apparently this is "less legitimate" couples time than sitting around and watching shows together. I call bs.
OP, like I said before... if the games are getting in the way of your relationship TALK to your husband about it. He's not going to think there's anything wrong with what's happening if you don't tell him you're annoyed. Unless, of course, he knows you're annoyed and flat out does not care. In which case you have a huge problem in your relationship. This is not a problem with video games. This is a problem with communication.
heh, I just recently had a chat with my H because I need more time to play Skyrim.
It's not necessarily more time to play per se... Joaquin is trying to drop a nap so she's all jacked up, and I don't have 'me' time at the end of the day (which I use to play Skyrim).
There's nothing wrong with gaming, even multiple hours per day, as long as all your needs are being met. It sounds like they're not, even with cajoling and begging and pleading. Now you need to decide whether you're cool with this forever... because although I personally curtailed my gaming habits after I had a kid, you absolutely cannot count on that.
He plays. How many hours a week? At least twenty. Probably more. Generally, other than Mondays and Tuesdays, he plays for five hours or so during the week, quite a bit more on weekends. However, I also play. Not that much, but I do play a lot. And I enjoy watching him play while I do other things. I also work in a gaming store. I sell things like Lovecraft board games, Magic: The Gathering cards, and Dungeons and Dragons paraphernalia. So, yeah, gaming is part of our lives.
Why are you fighting, exactly? Does he play instead of spending time with you? Because that's not so cool. Does he ignore you if the kitchen is on fire? Or is it because gaming "isn't for grown ups"? Because if it's the first two, you need to talk to him about it, because that's not cool. If it's the last thing, I just don't care to talk to you anymore.
But I'm assuming it's the first thing. Don't just take his games away. It's a hobby just like anything else. Do you do other things while he plays? What are your hobbies? Still, if you feel like you need to spend more time together, you should tell him that. If he's a reasonable man, he will understand.
Im a lurker here, but I will put my 2 cents in on this. My STBXH played from the minute he got off work until he went to bed around 2 or 3 am. Then would be late for work. He would take the occasional break to go out and smoke pot, but that was about it. Once he was fired from his job, it was a free for all to play PS3 24-7 and get high. No showering, no stopping other than to yell at me to bring him food down to the man cave. MIL thought I was a *** because i hid the controllers once when we had a family event that he wanted to play a call of duty game instead of going to .
We both go through phases. We really like to play Kinect games together, or Cabela's shooting games, it's just a fun activity to do together. If we didn't live in an apartment and had room for a pool table, we'd probably shoot pool together just as much. H does play a little more than me, since he plays Call of Duty if he's home before me. I usually don't get sucked into games.
The only exception to the rule has been Skyrim... we're obsessed. We've played for several hours a night since we got it, and really enjoy taking turns playing and helping each other out. But it is rare that we play so much.
I AM side eyeing the poster that said one hour is normal, more is not. When I work on sewing projects, I spend "several" hours a night working on them. If I get sucked into a good book, I read for "several" hours a night. I KNOW that plenty of women on the Nest spend several hours a day on here. What's the difference?
I am a lurker, but I thought I would toss in my opinion. My husband games daily, probably 2-4 hours, mostly when I am asleep (since I go to bed earlier than he does). He is very responsive if I ask for time away from the games (usually even asking if I need anything or want him to spend time with me before he starts playing) and he never neglects me, the household, or other responsibilities for the games.
OP- I believe that in your case, as in many relationships where gaming is an issue, the games are a SYMPTOM, not the problem in your relationship. I believe the real problem is a lack of communication or a lack of respect for the other person. I don't care if my husband spends 12 hours a day gaming, as long as he realizes that our time and our relationship come first, which he does. If your husband does not prioritize you over the games, then that is his fault, not the fault of the games.