Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Grandma doesn't fully accept one grandchild
This.
And if I were LIsa's mom, I'd be pulling LIsa away for the same reason--exposure to this is training these girls taht love is conditional and they need to conform to get it.
Someone biting Grndma's head off and calling her on her bullshit would be good though.
"I wish she'd wear more girly clothes. I wish she'd wear dresses. I wish Jane was into Barbies. I'm so disappointed that she doesn't want to play with babies and prefers to play with cars. I'm so disappointed that I can't do things with her like I did with my Grandma. I hate the way she likes to play with boys rather than girls."
When she says "I wish" or I'm so disappointed" or "I hate" about what Jane is doing say something similar to her. "Mom I wish you'd...." or "Mom, I'm so disappointed that you....." or "Mom I hate the way you....." about cooking or clothing or dishes or whatever. When she says something reply "every time you comment on ways you don't think Jane is a good enough granddaughter it makes me think about what a perfect mom would be like"
Or even easier publically say "Mom, why would you say something like that? It's rude and unneccessary."
Time to stop pulling her aside, she should be embarassed to be voicing her hurtful opinion.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
My mom says it a lot to me and my sister, but not directly to Jane. It's not like she looks Jane in the eyes and says, "I'm disappointed in you because you don't dress girly enough or play with Barbies." Around Jane, I think she says more of "I wish Jane played with dolls." (not that the second example is any better) I'm hoping Jane hasn't noticed yet, but maybe she has. That's the only reason I haven't called my mom out on it in front of everyone. I don't want to draw more attention to it in case Jane didn't hear it or hasn't caught on to it yet.
Any other times Jane has had problems with comments was with people who spoke them directly to her.
I guess I should just say "What a horrible thing to say!!" but not say what I'm talking about. Mom will know what I'm talking about, but maybe Jane won't.
I think your sister needs to take a harder line w/ your mom. AND I kind of like the one PP's suggestion to turn the tables on your mom - start saying the same kinds of things to your mom. Perhaps once she hears how it really sounds, she'll clue in.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I'm definitely going to say something from now on, from the nicer "Well, I love Jane and think she's absolutely perfect the way she is!!" to the harsher "I can't believe you said that! What a horrible thing to say!"
Hey, I just read this and I must say that I think you are an awesome aunt to care so much and make such an effort to make sure Jane is treated well.
Good luck with your mom. I think if my mom did this to my kid, I would definitely tell her to stop or she won't see the kid.
BUT.... I know my mom always counted out things like presents to make sure my sister and I had the same amount. I can tell she still does it actually, its really sweet (I'm 28 and my sis is 34!)