Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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future mother in law issues?
ok so my future mother in law cant stand me. she stomachs me and has always talked down about me to the point of calling me really nasty names in the almost 3 years me and her son have been together. its even to the point where she claims our son is not her grandchild and doesnt ever want to meet him or be around me or her grandchild. she just turned 40 and she acts and dresses like a teenager and cant understand how her son could ever choose someone like me. im not the bad honestly. i may not be the girl that she wants for him but im what he wants. hes stood up to her before but i dont want to say anything to her because shes already threaten to have me locked up for issues which have never really happened. i dont know what to do about her. and its honestly only her on his side of the family thats doesnt like me. everyone else thinks of me as a doll because when i come over i help clean house and i bake and cook and i actually socialize and dont dress like a tramp. forgive my language. but shes really driving me crazy. every time she sees me she makes snide comments about my looks or my attitude or just something down right mean and uppity. any suggestions on what to do?
Re: future mother in law issues?
You don't have to be around her.
How has your husband stood up for you ? Has he ever given her any real consequences for her bad behavior ?
Do you live with her now ?
hes told her " mom, look shes the one i love and the one im going to spend my life with and shes also the mother of my child and whether you like it or not shes going to be a part of this family" and she just gets in a tizzy. hes also told her that if she keeps it up then she will never really know her grandchild but that doesnt faze her because she doesnt believe its her grandchild in the first place.
we dont live with her. she lives in oklahoma and we live in nc but during the holidays and every now and then when we get together with his family shes always there since she does happen to be a part of that family.
during the holidays and stuff is supposed to be a happy time but she makes me feel like crap. and i try to let it roll off my back like water but i cant sometimes because she likes to pick and pick and pick some more. she even posts like comments on facebook. she doesnt ever say it with my name on fb but we all know its about me.
She sounds like a horrible person. Stop seeing her even if it is on holidays. Is there someone else you can spend your time with like his dad, aunts or cousins? There is absolutely no reason for you to tolerate this. Also please don't try to push for a relationship with your son. No good will come of it.
It seems that your husband needs to tell her that if she doesn't treat you with respect and kindness then HE ( not your son) will be out of her life. Besides I honestly think your whole family would be better off without. Just because she has a genetic link to your husband that does not mean she has to be in his and your life.
we see his dad and step mom all the time and the other memebers of his family. there isnt a problem seeing them as they are very willing to spend time with us.most of them actually dont even want to see me or cody(boyfriend) they normally only want to see ayden lol.
so should we just like write her out of our lives completely or just have the kind of relationship where we send christmas cards and thats it?
Yeah that is pretty much it. You just end all contact. I wouldn't even send a Christmas card. Now perhaps later if she has proven that she can treat you with kindness and respect, then you can think about letting her back in. However, you don't have to.
Again, just because she is family that does not mean you have to allow her to treat you both like that and you allow her back into your lives. He was smart to move out. Now I want to warn you, when she finds out that he is cutting her of ouf his life she will blame you. She will say that you turned him against her, you have him brainwashed blah blah blah. Your FI has to step up here and make it abundantly clear that this is his decision and that she has no one else to blame but herself.
she already thinks my family has brainwashed him and as she has said "trying to buy his love" because during the first few months we were together it was his birthday and we took him balloons and a card during school but because its a school policy apparently that you cant do that we had to take them to his house.
i greatly appreciate your advice here.
because shes already threaten to have me locked up for issues which have never really happened.
I'd like to know more...
I'm imagining her reservations come from this and it is understandable. You are very young to be so committed and to have a child together. I imagine that most parents would not want their children to have children so young, and to be honest, I would side eye such young people getting married and having children too, because you are still children yourself. You will both change so much over the next few years.
However, from your posts it seems like you are self-sufficient and living and making it on your own, which is in your favor. I think your FI has the right idea in standing up to her, and then the two of you not socializing with her. However, with you two being so young, I think time is the only solution here. If you two prove to be mature and responsible and grow together in the next few years, maybe she will see things differently.
for crying out loud. she's not your FMIL, she's your BF's mom. she becomes FMIL when you get engaged and, since you're still calling him BF shes not FMIL.
Well, that clears a lot up, now doesn't it? I would not be wild about you either, in her shoes. And I would be so damned furious with my son for being so careless and getting someone pregnant while he was still a child himself.
She is probably just so damned angry that she had high hopes for her son and now he's just another Lifetime afterschool special. All you can do is give it time.
You can't control how she acts. All you can control is your exposure to her. If she's a toxic person, you have to sever (or limit) your contact with her.
I think you have bigger issues though. You're a 17 year old unwed mother of a small baby. You seem like a nice girl, and your baby is absolutely adorable. You need to better your life for your child's sake. Go to school, get an education and a career before you have any more children (to protect yourself if you end up not marrying your BF).
I'm wondering if maybe she's upset because she wanted better for her son than to become a teenage parent and have to struggle to make it. After all, it's obvious she was a young parent herself (and is a 40 year old grandmother).
We're not engaged yet. But we're going to be getting engaged soon. Even before we were parents she's despised me. We're cutting all contact from her and that's going to be it. He's already finished school and I'm finishing school now. He's got a part time job for now. And working towards a better one too. I'm not working yet but working towards it. She was more ok with her 20 year old son dating a 14 year old and sleeping with her then Me just dating her son.
What are you planning to do with your life after high school?
In this day and age, finishing high school does not = finishing school.
Maybe she's upset because her son is making the same mistakes that she did.
This. If DS ever gets a girl knocked up in high school, I'll be furious and I won't be able to look either of them in the eye for a very long time.
I would be grieving for his future and lost opportunities, and honestly the girl would be the last priority I would have. I would want him to take some time away from the girl to figure out what he is going to do to salvage his future instead of jumping into marriage with her.
I agree that this is probably your boyfriend's mother's issue with you, and nothing you can do is going to be able to really change that other than acknowledging that you and your boyfriend have gotten into a bad situation and have made some bad choices but that you all need to move on from that. Rushing into marriage is probably not going to help things much from his family's point of view.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
hmmmm one part time job for 3 people. where do you live exactly? mroe importantly with who? your mom or parents?
and yes=school means college, not high school.
and have you (or DH) ever asked her why she despises you?
we dont plan on mgetting married like within the next few months or anthing like that. we honetly want to wait till were actually on our own and more financially stable with both of us gainfully employed.
I know what you mean. Trust me I do. In their world nobody is good enough for their precious little son.
Let your husband talk to his mom and tell her if she disrespects you once more, he won't visit her anymore.Your his wife and the mother of his child and if she doesn't respect you, she doesn't earn your presence! I know it's kind of harsh what i'm suggesting, but he's the only one she'll ever listen to.
I wish you all the best and I hope for everybody's sake that the situation will get bettter!
That's funny that your advice is the exact opposite of what your husband does.
Oh sweet baby Jesus.