Trouble in Paradise
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: does your husband play video games?
my XH did, he played them all night after he got home from work.
BF does not play them at all.
BF plays. I can't quantify the amount because he just got back into it a bit. He only does it if we're both sitting around not really doing anything or when he gets home from work before I do.
I have no problem with the time he spends doing it because he works hard and I know he enjoys it. I also enjoy having time to do my own hobbies. He has never once neglected me or his responsibilities to do it though.
Lately I've been playing only if I'm bored. In the last month, maybe 5-7 hours total.
In previous relationships, yes, I've dated gamers. Some are more into it than others, some healthier with their gaming habit than others.
It's all a bunch of variables that are different for every relationship. No one is the same. If there's a problem, communicate your feelings about it.
My H plays PC games and very rarely PS2 games. It's his hobby and stress reliever. He plays at least a few hours daily without neglecting things around the house or time with me. Before we married we discussed our hobbies and made compromises for how we'd mesh them together. And every once in a while we check in with each other to make sure we're still on the same page. Also before he starts a game that he'll being talking to be in or timed games he checks with me to see if I need or want anything from him. It works out great for us because he'll game while I nest, read, needlepoint or watch movies he isn't interested in.
I know once we have kids we'll both have to cut back on our hobbies somewhat and we discuss that on occasion as well.
Maybe you & your H should sit down and discuss your hobbies and compromise.
My DH is a HUGE gamer. I am confident saying that he is an addict even though he would beg to differ. When we started dating he was just getting into WOW (world of warcraft.) At first I found the game kind of interesting and would even play on occasion. That quickly ended as he started playing every free moment he had. One time he even forgot to meet me for a double date and left me sitting at a bowling alley alone with the other couple. I tried to call him dozens of times but he never answered his phone when he was on WOW.
After months of this addicted behavior, I finally put my foot down. We set a limit of 5 hours a week to be spent however he wanted. He tried this for a few weeks but quickly got frustrated and decided to stop playing WOW and play xBox games instead. Again, the same cycle of behaviors started.
After dealing with this for years I finally figured out how to get him to regulate his own playing time to a normal level. When he was super focused on his games and ignoring me I would casually get up and leave the house without saying where I was going. Then I would come home with an ice cream cone or a Redbox or something. I would make sure that he saw it. When he would ask where his ice cream was or what movie I got I would point out that if at any time he would like to take a break from games he could join me for ice cream, etc. I think he quickly realized that there is more to life than video games.
My H doesn't play them much anymore, but there were a few years earlier in our relationship where I thought he might be addicted. He played almost all his waking hours at home. If we had a specific date he'd take the night off, but casually watching TV or doing anything unplanned together was never happening. It caused huge issues in our relationship and honestly we would have broken up eventually if he had continued. Thankfully in the year or so before we got engaged he burned out on it and/or finally understood where I was coming from and has never fully gone back. He'll spend a few hours a week playing games now, but nothing like before and he's very flexible about stopping if something comes up.
My problem used to be that he'd do very little around the house. The problem with asking him to do anything was that he wouldn't stop then to do it and he wouldn't do it later, either. He would promise to do it the next day and then forget and then get upset if I asked him to stop gaming and do it on the 2nd day. Ugh. I'm so glad he grew up (he was in his early 20s at the time, now he's closer to 30).
Good luck. Keep telling him (as nicely as possible) why it bothers you - assuming that it isn't just because it is a video game, but because it interferes with other important things. Eventually either he'll get it and stop, grow up and stop, or you'll get sick of it and leave.