Trouble in Paradise
imoan
member
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Holy foook
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Re: Holy foook
Hrm. I am absolutely positive that she posted on the 3-6 month board a slightly different version of the same post yesterday or today but now it is nowhere to be found. She's retyped the whole thing too, because the wording is the same but different.
Interesting.
In case she deletes again, here it is:
What to do about DH? *long*
I'm not sure where to turn to, and would like some unbiased advice. All friends/family are biased, so. This is kind of two parts. Backstory-DH and I got married last year, we have a 4 month old, and we recently moved hundreds of miles away from friends/family for his job. I SAH with the baby.
Part one: Lately, DH and I have been having issues. We don't talk much--which I know is part of our problem--because K's teething and won't go down before 11 and D has to be in bed early because he wakes up before 5 every morning. The past few weeks, he's told me things that bother him about me that I didn't know. Mostly just little things. We were talking about losing weight (mainly me...), and he started to say something. I got it out of him--apparently, he doesn't cuddle with me because it hurts his back. This hurts, obviously. But I can stand to lose weight, and I weigh more than he does, so my side of the bed dips. And I took it more as an eye-opener (my weight affects other people) than anything.
The next night, we switched sides and guess what? The problem was gone. My side was just lower than his. What really bothers me about this, besides the fact that this has been bothering him since we've been together, is that it's obviously not a weight issue, but he made it one. I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight, so it's not that I gained weight while I was KU and haven't lost it. And even if that was the case, I carried his damn child for 9 months!
And I keep wondering what else has been bothering him that he just hasn't told me. Or if I--heaven forbid--don't lose the baby weight if we have another kid, what other physical intimacies will I lose? It's quite possible I'm just making a big deal out of nothing, but it bothers me that he uses something like that to address my weight. That I've been at since we got together. I mean, if it was such a BFD, why did he marry me in the first place?
Second: A bigger issue here. D's Army. He was in AIT when I had K. After she was born, I went to buy my dad a Coke, and there wasn't money in the acct (side note: I had a separate acct and paid everything with it, and didn't check the joint acct. Stupid me.) So I checked online, saw a phone number, and asked him what he was blowing all our money on. Some of it was stuff he needed, like new shirts, etc. Then there was a $150 bar tab in one night. And over $600 was to phone sex. Because I wasn't sending him pictures/texts/calling him while 9 months pregnant or with a newborn, apparently he decided to blow our family's money on freakin porn.
I'm not usually against porn, but my mom had to buy diapers for me that week, so I think in this instance, it's a little F'd up. More than a little. We had a huge fight, he apologized profusely, and said that, when he's around me, he doesn't feel the urge to call, he won't do it again, etc. So far so good.
But he's deploying this year, and I can't help but wonder what's going to happen then. He'll be stressed out, away from family and friends, etc just like in AIT. How do I handle this, on top of the other stresses of having a deployed DH and infant?
There are other little things, mostly baby-related. He 'couldn't' change poopy diapers for 2 months once we switched to formula. He literally gagged to the point of throwing up. So I even changed every.single.one. for two months straight so he wouldn't have to. Then I left for the store, and he did it. Funny how that went out the window when he actually had to... I feel sometimes he uses me as a cop-out to the unpleasant sides of parenthood, or when he needs a break. Not thinking of the fact that I've been at home with K all day, and cooking dinner does not constitute as a break.
I'm really, really not sure I made the right decision in marrying him and having a kid with him. Part of it could be that I'm getting used to SAH, and I'm isolated here (only one car). But I do my best to make sure they're both taken care of. I take all the nighttime wake-ups during the week, I pack his lunches, make him dinner, clean the house, make him breakfast, set out his stuff so he doesn't have to rush to find it in the am, and take care of all things baby-related when he's too tired. And it'd be nice if I didn't have to constantly remind him while making dinner that sitting in front of the TV with K doesn't count as 'bonding' at 4 months old when he's literally just sitting there. No interaction. It'd be nice if he took care of me in more than just a financial way, ya know?
So how can I fix this? Or figure out if I even WANT to fix this? WWYD?
I feel for her...I really do. its got to suck to be bigger than your husband. But she knows she needs to lose weight so I'm wondering why she wont...
That's what you took out of her post?
As Broc pointed out, she's lost all the pregnancy weight in 4 months, so I don't think you can say she's somehow refusing to lose weight. It sounds like his comments about her weight are really a decoy to make her feel bad so she won't leave her *** husband.
She was still overweight before she got pregnant! the bigger you are before you get pregnant, the less weight you should gain during pregnancy.
She's bigger than her husband...
He is going to be gone for however long his deployment is going to be gone for how ever long. Why not try to better yourself...I'm not saying shes refusing to lose weight. It just seems to me that shes not trying.
If hes saying things to make her feel bad intentionally why would she NOT leave him?
And yes that is what I took from the post. She said it herself.
I get the feeling that he DOES love her, but he was unhappy about her weight...and he wasnt going to address it (for whatever reason, probably so as not to hurt her feelings) but she forced it out of him.
You sound as though you have never had to deal with issues of weight or food. I love the "If you are fat, just lose weight! Stop being so lazy!" line of thought.
lol when did I ever say she was being lazy? I just said if she knows she needs to lose weight...why doesnt she try? it can be done. I understand that she is a stay at home mom, so that probably cuts out so much of her personal time...but you have to start somewhere.
it just bugs me when people acknowledge that they need to lose weight, but dont really say that they are trying to do anything about it.
and fwiw, I dealt with weight issues. I gained 75 pounds when I was pregnant. I'm in the Army so there is tons of pressure to be in shape and meet weight standards.
It seems to me that everyone here is just like "oh well your husbands an ass because he's saying what you already knew"
Because the OP DID say she knows she can stand to lose weight. thats the only reason I said what I said about her weight.
If you're overweight, than it's just your cross to bear to deal with a doucher husband.
Got it.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
She also said she was overweight when they started dating. Besides which, she didn't quantify 'overweight'... Hell, I could admittedly stand to lose a few and I'm under 140.
He's an ass because, with the rest of the anecdote, he's basically inventing reasons to complain that she's fat.