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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Oh Baby, Wednesday!
Oh wow, it sounds like you definitely have your hands full! I can imagine how busy two little boys must keep you!
Julie, the cruise prices weren't as bad as I expected--we can use Ben's dad's miles for the flights so that's the only reason we can even consider it.
With All the Trimmings
Just do it!
In the spirit of Oh Baby, Wednesday, some baby-related questions. I know some of these answers for most of you, but I thought it'd be neat to have a little refresher.
If you have kids: Tell us more about them. Favorite toy or game if they're little, or hobby if they're older, personality traits & quirks, that sort of thing. Also, what's been the highlight of the past week as a mom. And one more - what's one thing you wish you'd done before having kids?
If you don't have kids: Do you want them? How many? When do you plan to start trying, if you aren't already? Is there something particular you want to do before having kids? If you're waiting, or if you don't want kids at all, tell us why in 10 words or less.
And for you pregnant ladies: What is one thing you're really looking forward to when your baby is born? (I'm thinking more along the lines of little stuff, not the grand scheme of "bringing a life into the world" type things.) One thing you're honestly dreading or afraid of?
If you don't have kids:
Do you want them? Yes
How many? 1, 2, or 3. Haha we'll see after the first one.
When do you plan to start trying, if you aren't already? in three years when Daniel turns 30
Is there something particular you want to do before having kids? I want to get my masters & become a Nurse Practitioner
How many? 4 at least. How ever many we can afford and we plan to adopt if we can.
When do you plan to start trying, if you aren't already? - already know the answer to that.
Is there something particular you want to do before having kids? - Too Late lol, both of us are luck and finished our masters and at really good jobs. I think we want to live overseas at some point, but my sister is doing it with 2 kids and one on the way. She my inspiration things can of course be done after you have kids.
And for you pregnant ladies: What is one thing you're really looking forward to when your baby is born? - New baby smell! Just snuggling with them! I loved when my nephews would fall asleep in my arms. Can't wait to do that with this one.
One thing you're honestly dreading or afraid of? - Becoming my mother! DH said he would leave me if I treated my kids like she did, I'm honestly terrified of it.
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My daughter is Melodie. She is 18 and a HS senior this year. She has always been sort of a tomboy--not a "girly girl" in any way. I have all of these lovely pictures of her as a toddler dressed up for her yearly picture with a bow in her hair--it was the only day of the year I could bribe her into wearing a dress.
She loves to cook, read and draw but her biggest passion is "cosplay"--where you dress up as characters and attend conventions. (Yes, she is a nerd.) This has become her passion and she is trying to see how she can make a living doing it--she loves to sew and make things. She has always wanted to own her own business ever since she was little.
This whole thing is making me panic but she knows the best thing for her if she wants to be a businesswoman is to get a business degree so she is going to start by getting her associates degree at community college next fall and probably transfer to UTD from there. I figure it will give her the time to really figure out what is feasible for her. She has never needed much in the way of material things so making lots of money is not important to her, just being able to support herself and being happy.
She is a nerd--she loves Star Trek and LOTR and HP and dressing up. But she is also sweet, bright, intelligent, outgoing and has a nice group of sweet friends that share her interests. In 18 years, she has never given me a moment of trouble, only joy and she is the thing I am most proud of in my life.
With All the Trimmings
Just do it!
If you don't have kids:
Do you want them? Yes.
How many? Two is the ideal. But, if both are the same gender, I've reserved the right (with H) to have one more to "try" for the other gender. But I think 3 is the max.
When do you plan to start trying, if you aren't already? We might start trying next January, so a year from now. I'd always known I'd wait until age 30 to even start having children, and I'll be 30 then. But I almost can't believe it. I still feel 22.
Is there something particular you want to do before having kids? In general, I wanted to have just-us time with H and I. We only started dating two and a half years ago! But, I also have reason to worry about my fertility, so I think we should start to try in the next few years. For specific things -- we want to go back to Europe before we have children (Paris and London). We need to save up more money, though, since we just bought the house.
Do you want them? Yes
How many? Generally, I think two... sometimes, I think maybe just one, and occasionally, I think three. J says that if we don't have a boy, we'll keep trying until we get one, but I'm pretty sure that's not going to work out how he wants!
When do you plan to start trying, if you aren't already? Hopefully in the next couple of months - shortly after J finds a job, which (fingers crossed), is really soon!
Is there something particular you want to do before having kids? I actually have a list. There are certain house projects I want to finish, J needs a job, and I would like a new car. A married, just-us vacation was also on that list, and we got home last night!
If you're waiting, or if you don't want kids at all, tell us why in 10 words or less. We're mainly waiting until J gets a job.
Jack was 1 when Mack and I started dating, and Mack is adopting him. We're almost done with that process, thank God. Just FYI, step parent adoption even completely uncontested is a big huge PITA. Worth it, obviously, but jeez.
Jack is such a funny little guy. Some days he wants to be a UFC fighter, then he wants to be an inventor. He's very smart... reading two and a half grade levels above his age, and always straight A's. He's having a bit of an attitude right now that bothers us, but I think it's just what he's hearing at school. We're proud that everyone always comments on what a well behaved courteous boy he is. I can't believe he's getting closer to 'double digit' age, and I know I'll blink and he'll be a teenager. Jack right now is loving the mountain bike he got for Christmas and his trampoline and computer games, and cooking adventures with his Daddy.
Dorothy is a really cool toddler. She's very smart, and talking more every day. She has a pink paisley elephant named JoJo that she takes everywhere with her, and she loves Elmo and coloring. Her biggest quirk right now is that when I'm rocking her to sleep or holding her because she's upset, she wants her face to be directly on my skin. She'll ask me to move my hair, and if I'm wearing a high necked shirt, she'll just ask, "Skin? Skin?" So there I sit, in my bra on the couch so Dorothy will go to sleep. It's weird and high maintenance, and I totally don't care, she's my baby.
My proudest moment as a mom this week (behind Jack having another great report card) was Monday afternoon. We had some friends come in from out of town to stay with us, and neither Jack or Dot had ever met them. When I told Mack our friends had pulled up in the driveway, both kids ran out onto the front porch and waved their little arms off and told our friends, "Hi! We're so happy you're here! YAY!" and proceeded to be kind, respectful friendly little hosts for two days. I'm so proud just talking about it, I could bust.
As for what I wish I'd have done before I was a mom... that's hard to answer. Long story short, I didn't willingly participate in the creation of Jack. BUT, he saved my life and I can never imagine a life where he's not in it. Still, I was very young, and I gave up a scholarship to Brown University to stay at home with my family and raise him with lots of support. I wish I'd been able to travel more, and have more of a life on my own before I was so defined by my roles as mother/wife. It's not a sad resentful kind of thing... but something I think about, for sure.
Novel/over.
Stephie, your description is SO sweet!
If you don't have kids:
Do you want them? No
If you're waiting, or if you don't want kids at all, tell us why in 10 words or less. Never had the desire/urge to be a mother.
Do you want them? Yes.
How many? 13. That's how many DH wants but no way. And his number goes up every year too. We will see how the first one goes but 2-3 would be ideal.
When do you plan to start trying, if you aren't already? Our original goal was Jan. 1, 2012 but I couldn't even wrap my head around that. After my dr.'s appointment last week, I am becoming okay with 2013 and am actually more excited than afraid now. Which is a huge confession right there.
Is there something particular you want to do before having kids? Lose some weight is the only goal that is definite. Sure I would like to travel more but that's not a necessity. However I always thought it would be really neat to take the train from here to the east coast. A pre-TTC trip.
If you're waiting, or if you don't want kids at all, tell us why in 10 words or less. Not ready. Kiddos are permanent.
How many? I used to want four, when I was younger and not so very wise maybe.
When will you stop trying? Well, since we'll be starting the adoption process later this year, we're to the point where we're no longer trying for that reason alone. I've shared this with a few others but, I'll say it here too. After trying four rounds of chlomid, I realized I was acting like a b****. The next option was IVF which is very expensive and not a guarantee. We decided to use the money for IVF to go for a surer thing. This all came about around the time that I lost my mom. It's been very hard to get over, but I'm not going to be bitter and I'm not going to let it consume me. I didn't get married for this sole purpose even though I want children desperately.
Is there something in particular you want to do before having kids? We're planning on Europe for Christmas 2013 (Paris, Munich, Venice and Rome) so I don't know if our number will get called before that or not. We'll have to see.
My concern is how Bill's parents will treat an adopted child. I have had at least three very vivid dreams of us having a child of African descent and I don't know how they would react to that. My dad and my brother were very excited for us when we told them. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
Julie, if those people ever treat your future children any different because of their origin/color, I will personally drive to BR and junk punch them for you.
You're in my prayers as you work toward this. It's such a fantastic thing to be able to do!
If you don't have kids:
Do you want them? YES!
How many? 2 but the psychic I saw said I'll have 3....Don't judge lol it was just something I wanted to say that I've tried before.
When do you plan to start trying, if you aren't already? Well we have been but it's hard considering he doesn't live here and my body hates me. I have to get all my hormone levels fixed and I am getting further testing done to see if I have Non-Classic Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia...whatever that is.
Is there something particular you want to do before having kids? Nope, I'm ready!
"You know why." LOL. Thanks, Chelsea.
I love that we have such a supportive community here.
Angie- Wow, so you will be trying real soon, huh? Good luck to J on the job search.
Deepthi- I have that fear every once in awhile but as I've gotten older it's lessened. I think we both have a leg up; we are aware of how the actions affect everyone and we both don't want to continue the pattern. Yes it's easier to just go with what you know rather than break the cycle so it may take some work but it will be worth it.
Julie- I read something on 'open' family systems vs 'closed' family systems this morning and I remembered having this discussion in pre-marital counseling. I hope the IL's shock the living crap out of you and your fears will not be a worry. If not, I'll be going with Chelsea.
Ditto this!
No judging but was this a one time thing or do you go regularly? I could not go as it would make me paranoid for the rest of my life. Good luck on getting your body to like you again. Pretty soon you'll be closer to DH and can work on things.
If you have kids:
I consider my SD my kid so I'm going to answer this part too. Makayla is 6 almost 7. She is in Kindergarten again because we had a little trouble last year but since we have gotten her tested and on meds for ADHD you can tell a world of difference and school is so much easier for her. Her favorite thing period is Disney Princess. Everything she does or has is Disney. Her favorite princess changes daily but she loves them all. Oh and anything pink. The highlight of the past week was seeing her "report card" and seeing how much better she is doing in school and seeing evreyone's hard work pay off. She also read an entire book last night on her own and that is a huge accomplishment for us! I can't answer the one thing I wish I had done before kids because I met DH 4 years ago and she has been a part of my life since then so there wasn't a chance for us to do things "before kids" but I do wish I had gotten to travel overseas.
Pregnant ladies:
I'm really looking forward to just meeting Caroline. I want to see what her personality is going to be like, what she is going to look like, etc. I'm also looking forward to all the really cute clothes that little girls have. I'm really excited about all "the first" that I didn't get to see with Makayla and DH has experienced but I get to see it this time too.
The one thing I'm afraid of? Breaking her(I do know this isn't possible but she will be so small) or losing my patience with DH, SD, mom, sister, etc since I'm so exhausted. I'm also scared that I will play "favorites" even though I have been the step child and I would never want Makayla to feel like she is not as special to me. I love that little girl like she is my own but I know there will be a different feeling also just because she isn't "mine". I have talked to several stepmom's about this and I know it's natural and I'm going to do my very best to be the best mom to both girls!
I want to go with you Chelsea! Julie we are actually planning to do the same thing, adopt without caring about anything else, and my parents especially my mom will freak so trust me it won't matter what they think. You'll have your kid and that's all that matters.
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I'll be honest: I would like to go to a psychic or a palm reader just once. I think it would be neat. So, definitely not judging you.
Yep... I really wish that we could start now, since odds are that he would find a job before baby came, but financially it's just not smart. We want to go back to having two incomes for a little while before we start trying to build our savings back up - having him off work for so long has put a little dent in it. I'm just hoping that we go with my idea of "a little while" and not J's, because mine is shorter.
And also, speaking of jobs - congrats, Angela, on finding a new job!
Oops forgot...
Congrats Anglea on the new job! Are you at Baylor Grapevine?
I'm late to TN today due to being the only event person at the center
If you don't have kids:
Do you want them? No, and 10 words or less is hard. FI and I both don't want them, but for completely different reasons. I think kids scare the bejeezus out of him, whereas I don't feel like I'd ever have the energy to keep up with a kid. I don't know if I'd ever be willing to give up on work to make time for a kiddo. Work keeps me super busy a lot of time, and I couldn't fathom feeling like I was putting my kid on the backburner. I love kids, don't get me wrong, but I just love to give them back to their respective parental unit when I am done playing with them.
I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
If you don't have kids:
Do you want them? Yes
How many? 2..but i'm terrified that we're going to have twins on the second pregnancy and end up with three. If it happens it happens. DH and i have agreed we'll at least go for two...and if we get blessed with 3 than 3 it is. twins runs heavily in my family...and has yet to skip a generation for the past 8....so oh joy....
When do you plan to start trying, if you aren't already? it'll probably be at least another year before i get off BC...but its kinda a play by ear type of deal.
Is there something particular you want to do before having kids? I want to go to Italy again - and take DH with me. I lived there for 11 months and got spoiled by the food and culture. It's something that will forever be with me - that DH just can't understand. Plus - i'd love to be able to share a part of my child hood with him, and i can't do that stateside.
If you're waiting, or if you don't want kids at all, tell us why in 10 words or less. - we're waiting due to school and money....but that's about it.
I like reading everyone's answers!
Angela, congrats on the job!
If you don't have kids:
Do you want them? Yes
How many? 2-3. DH wants 6. Or enough to have his own professional sports team. I've told him he should have found a younger model if that is his priority.
When do you plan to start trying, if you aren't already? We've been trying for about 3 months. Here's to January being our BFP! But highly unlikely as DH was sick during the critical days.
Is there something particular you want to do before having kids? I always want to travel. But that will never end, so we figured we might as well have them now and use travel as a way to let the grandparents have quality time!
Michelle & Michael
Married - August '10
TTC - Since September 2011
It was just a one time thing but I would love to go back. It was WILD! It kind of felt like she was looking right through me. She was not scary at all and was very positive about the things she told me. In fact, she is a very religious woman. She told me all kinds of things in a LOT of detail. She even said that the house we will eventually live in in PA will have an intricate/unique lock on the back door and will be either on or near a golf course.
I have been on multiple occasions, and my MOH just found one that she wants me to check out. Julie, we should go!
Out of my experiences with psychics, there was one in the French Quarter who freaked me out cause of some of the things she said - including describing my grandmother to a T and telling me that I was constantly being compared to her by the rest of the family.
There was one in Dallas that tried to convince me that she needed $100 to take to her church to pray for me. Uh, no thanks!
I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Can I come?? I've secretly always wanted to go!
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