Family Matters
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: FOLLOW UP SDs (13 and 14 yrs old) want to move in with Daddy
I don't think J is married, is she? They are living together, though. That's why she stopped posting.
I don't think so, she wasn't when I met her over the summer.
From your early posts, it seems as if you do not want the kids there "at least for the first year so you can be newlyweds". That is a terrible sentiment. Certainly my relationship with my SM might be different than yours with your bf's kids but from your comments and posts it seems you are heading right in the same direction. I have a decent relationship with my SM and we get along but deep down I know how she really feels as no matter how nicely she acted towards us, it was always apparent that she would prefer having my dad alone and all to herself. She was never mean, she just is a selfish person and that part she could not hide. Do you really think that you will be able to hide your annoyance with these girls when they are interrupting your "private time" with their dad?
You might enjoy being around them from time to time but you clearly don't want them there on a full time basis. If you had the choice of having them there or not, you would choose to not have them there which was extremely apparent in your first post. That in itself says it all. Stop being so selfish and trying to take this dad away from his kids. Just because you "welcome them with open arms" doesn't mean they won't see through you and see how you really feel about them taking up your "newlywed time".
I feel so sorry for those girls.
I'm still wondering what happened that your BF has two kids almost the same age from two different women?
What's the story there? Did he cheat or did they break up?
The info gleaned from your posts:
--SDs are currently 13 & 14, with 2 different baby mamas
--Your BF had another long term GF after that
--He hooked you
--You have been dating BF for 5 years, maintain seperate households, play wife/mommy at various points along the way, and you're waiting for a ring and a move-in date?
Does your BF worry as much as you do? From where I sit it looks like he's got it made as you are more than willing to play the part of wife and mommy without him needing to break a sweat. I suspect there will end up being some likd of ultimatum which will result in his moving on to find some other sucker to occasionally play house with him. Sorry, but this situation is not going to live up to your expectations in any way, shape, or form. Cut bait and move on.
Hey!
Ok, so I didn't take the time to read even 1/3 of the replies, I just wanted to say that I have stopped posting as much as I once was because everytime I received rude, inconsiderate feedback. Sometimes the internet is a great mask for woman to hid behind and I'm sorry about that for you. :-(
Second, that is a rough situation you are in. I would be upset he is making a decision without talking to me first.
Personally, I would also have a hard time with it because I'm not a mother and have never had the opportunity to develop motherly instincts. A lot of people that replied were mothers so they can not fathom your reaction, but not being a mother as well, I can completely sympathize! I wouldn't want to start an exciting new phase of a relationship off with additional stressers and not truly be able to experience that phase that you can never relive. :-(
Good luck to you. And hopefully you will learn, as I did, that thenest is full of rude people that think they can justify it by calling it "honest."
You know, I wasn't going to say anything in this thread or the first one the OP posted, but as someone who also is not a mother, I think you are wrong. Not everyone who has posted responses in either thread is a mother. I think that if you get involved with someone who has children from a previous relationship, then having the expectation that you will have said person all to yourself is an unrealistic one. If the OP wants someone to be hers and hers only, then she should date someone who does not have the 'baggage' of children. Dating someone who does, then having these unrealistic expectations is not only unfair to you, but also unfair to your boyfriend and VERY UNFAIR to the children. Like others have said, those kids didn't ask for this situation. Their father helped bring them into this world - he has the responsibility of being a father to them first. End of story. To expect otherwise, is selfish and wrong.
I know what it's like to have a step-parent....my stepfather dated my mother knowing she had me, and he accepted me with open arms and treated me as his own from day one. I think when you get involved with someone who has a child and you are lucky enough to have that child introduced into your world, you need to accept that child with open arms. And I?m sorry, but OP, you say you are or want to be a role model to these girls.....what kind of role model do you expect to be if you don't even want them around? What kind of message does that send to these girls if they knew how you really felt? Some role model you are.
OP, the thing is, we don't know you. So we're going to assume that how you portray yourself in your OP is exactly who you are. The Internet allows for brutal honesty, and that's exactly what you got.
All I can add to this is that if something happened to me (God forbid), I sincerely hope that if FI ever got involved with another woman that she would treat my child with the utmost courtesy, love and respect. That she would love my child as her own. And that she would never, ever even consider that she was disappointed that my child moved in with his/her father at the same time she did.
His kids were there first, and they'll be there after you if your relationship doesn't work out. They will always and forever have a permanent tie with your BF, because he is their father. That's a bond that nobody should stand in the way of. I've been with my fiance off and on (more on than not) since 2004, and we were engaged for a year when I got pregnant. We put our relationship first in the sense that we are engaged, best friends, and about to embark in marriage together. But our child will be the #1 priority in both our lives and every major decision and choice we make will be structured around making sure that he/she will have the best life and the greatest opportunities possible. Very few things in this life matter more to me than seeing that my baby is safe and taken care of. THAT's what being a parent is. And to be honest, if your BF isn't actively putting his kids first and telling you what you can do with your bad attitude, that's a gigantic red flag.