Family Matters
dmndsr4eva
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Is it weird for 18 yo to sit on her dad's lap?
I personally think it is a bit inappropriate. My BF's daughter sits on his lap fairly frequently. It doesn't bother me that much but I just don't understand it. We were at my mom's house a couple of nights ago and at the dining room table she just came over and plopped herself down on his lap and stayed there for a fairly long period of time.
"How often does the other woman get a happy ending?" Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl
Re: Is it weird for 18 yo to sit on her dad's lap?
I was afraid you guys would say that. A bit of backstory my BF was married for 20 years and apparently the majority of the marriage was crap because his ex was abusive verbally and physically. I'm no pyschatrist but I would imagine that my BF probably put a lot more value on his relationship with his daughter (and it showed) than his wife and this I would imagine created a problem for all involved.
Well since you guys think it is weird do you think there is anything that I can/should do about it?
Is the daughter currently living with BF or is she off on her own?
They live together but I believe she plans to move out in August to live in the dorms. But her college is in the same city so I'm sure she will still stay with him some nights. They are very close. She chose to live with him as soon as she turned 18. And at the time he only had one bed and they have mentioned several times about that time period when they slept in the same bed. She was required to live with the mom before then. I'm not sure how long it took for them to get another bed but he didn't have any furniture as ex took it all and the mom refused to give the daughter her bed when she moved out abruptly.
My aunt sat on my grandfather's lap at her 50th birthday dinner at the club; I thought it was weird. Pretty sure I haven't sat on my dad's lap since I was maybe 12.
Is it possible your BF's daughter is feeling left out/neglected/pushed aside with you in the picture? She could sub-consiously be trying to grasp onto her childhood?
Yes, I think it is very wierd.
It could be that she is trying to "stake her claim" on your BF / her dad by taking up that space so you won't intrude on it.
Yeah I think this is part of it. I know she has been through a lot with a bad relationship with her mom and the fairly recent divorce. Not to mention she is becoming an adult and has recently had a very bad experience with a boyfriend. Sometimes it is difficult for me to understand father/daughter relationships as I never had a good one with my own. Some of the things they talk about are a bit odd to me as I never would talk to my dad about anything let alone sex. They frequently talk about sex for example when we see a movie that involves sex. Or he mentions sometimes about how her and her ex were "making out" a lot. That sort of thing. Which I guess it is good to be open about those things with your teenage children.
Maybe . . .
What was the setting? Was it in jokeing manner?
This is strange.
My family is touchy-feeling and I could see myself sitting on my mom's lap, but only for a short/joking time. Maybe my Dad? Maybe. However, I don't know if I would sleep in the same bed as my Dad when I was 18.. I would've just chosen the floor. I agree it's strange.
No it is never in a joking manner. It is just like she needs a place to sit and sits right down.
I got much closer to my father as I became an older teen because the fact that I would eventually be leaving him was getting more and more real. Maybe she's not trying to stake her claim to him to keep him from you as much as she's trying to hold onto him in a child-like way because she's going through a major life change right now.
Some of the stuff you're posting seems to be a veiled insinuation that there may be something more going on between your BF and his daughter- I find that weird.
An American Girl's Travels
It could be weird. Some of what you posted sounds odd for sure.
When I was 18 I went to Italy with my father. We shared a bed the whole time because most hotel rooms weren't set up for two beds and it was too expensive for us to get two rooms.
I wasn't aware of a distinction between knee and lap. Really? From what I can tell she sits on this thigh.
Of course I do not think there is something going on. However there are social norms in our society that I would expect grown adults to follow. Especially while in the presence of almost near strangers (my family). And yes if they are not following the social norms something is probably a bit off.
A grown man sleeping with his adult daughter is weird. WEIRD. I'm not so much concerned with her mental status since you're not dating her; but you want a LTR with this guy? I don't think so.
What is LTR?
1-why was she required to live with her mom?
2-did he not even have her every other weekend, or did they share a bed then?
3-when my dad had us EOW he was REQUIRED to have a bed for us.
4-if my dad only had on bed he would have slept on the couch and let my sister and I have the bed, he would not have slept with us.
So, did his daughter NEVER visit over night until she was 18? That is a whole other red flag, depending on the reason. I mean, even if they lived in different states she should have spent nights with him in the summer. I agree with my original sentiment from months ago-you need to be single for a while until you can learn to spot the red flags.
long term relationship
I was wondering this too. I don't know much about divorces/custody battles but I would assume she slept over at her father's before age 18. And it makes sense that family services would require a bed for the child.
Now I know why mom never let her sleep over before. Jesus.
YES this is weird. Sick, creepy, odd, not normal. What kind of man sleeps with his grown daughter? And excuses it with 'well her mommy won't give me her bed"?
Run screaming.
edit: and check out their divorce file from the court, and run his name through the criminal and civil court files in your area.
This is weird as hell. I wouldn't sleep with my mother at 18 years of age, and for damn sure not my father. Why wouldn't one of them sleep on the floor?