BNOTB
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Flameful confession
If you are comfortable, please do.
You might have different prospective, but I'm just calling it like I see it on the board.
I also meant it as a "confession" not an attack on your opinion of the situation. It's all good, dude.
I agree to an extent. I think there is also a difference in fighting back and defending oneself. If I'm attacked, I would take it to a PM, not out in the open, but that's me. I would just confront the accuser and the accusation head on instead of being flighty about it. Sometimes fighting is needed to prove people's conceptions of oneself are wrong.
Sorry if that made NO sense. I've had a headache all day and I think it's getting to me.
My parents have been married for 40 years, since my mom was 19. She got pregnant and obviously the thing to do back then was get married. My mom was physically and emotionally abused by her mother and my dad was sodomized by his brother in law. Needless to say they entered a very dysfunctional relationship. My dad is a very messed up individual who has had multiple addictions my entire life. My mom has been supported by him their entire marriage. In order to deal with him she has created an "alternate reality" where she basically lives in lala land to deal with things.
I love my mom dearly and she had no idea about my abuse until I was an adult. I can accept the fact that my mom is a weak person in some ways and can't leave my dad. She doesn't know how to live on her own. My dad controls my mom. He pays for everything. If I didn't let my dad walk my down the aisle he wouldn't speak to me anymore. Which would be fine except for what it would do to my mom. He would put her in the middle and refuse to let her come to the wedding.
I feel like my mom has been suffering enough for a lifetime. It is bad enough that she won't get to see her grandkids much after Paul and I have kids because I refuse to let them around my dad. I don't need to make her deal with the drama of not coming to my wedding and having my dad put her in the middle. I can survive 60 seconds of an aisle walk for her. While I was abused I never went hungry and I was always loved and that was because of my mom.
A) Sexual predators suck ass.
C) Jade's drama/marriage/story telling abilities make me want to harm myself.
D) I have been looking into homeschooling because it looks like we may need to go that route.. I hate it for so many reasons.
No, it's all good
We're still buddies!
What things would you do to make sure your kids were properly socialized if you did have to homeschool?
This just truly speaks to what a beautiful, kind, considerate and loving person you are. :::HUGE bear hugs:::
Not to blow smoke up your ass, but I could see this being beneficial for your kids with the type of person you are. I am curious as to why this would be a need instead of a want.
I second this.
I can't quite find the correct wording, so bear with me on this...
I think you are a very strong person to give your mom the ability to enjoy your wedding day by allowing your father to walk you down the aisle. I really hope that everything goes as planned, there are no hiccups, and everyone enjoys your wedding.
I have been told there are homeschooling groups to join, but have not found any that are not extremely religious (like cult level).. But I am still looking!
Pretty sure we would do library story times. We would continue our membership at the children's museum. And reasoning a Leader Dog would be good, since we would take it everywhere and people always have a lot of questions about it.
i'm not trying to make your decision harder but I honestly believe that if my parents home-schooled me when I wanted it instead of making me deal with the bullying and overcome it I wouldn't be nearly as self confident and strong and I am now.
I really don't *want* it at all.. I am kind of panicked at the thought because I fully planned to get my days back to myself once they were old enough for preschool.
But after discussing local preschools I started looking into the local education options.. And they are horrid. The scores (based on standardized test scores) are so bad it is sad. My husband went to an elementary school that rated 1/10! The elementary school district we are in is 3/10. The middle and high school are also 3/10.
If it were just the poor scores I would public school with supplemental education at home. But (always a but) the local school system also has a lot of violence. Gangs. Shootings. They just arrested a girl for a hit list type situation. Constant fights. So that rather defeats the point of using the school setting as a way to socialize.
Just because of the way you socialize with your children (ie crafts, museums, snarky-but-caring attitude etc..), but I could also see you being very hands-on with their education.
I'm not quite sure someone could disagree with you without having gone through a similar situation.
I had a male friend who was also abused who was angry at me for not cutting my dad out of my life.
Thats the problem with being abused, you feel like you can never come first. I feel like my only other option is the one that would land me in prison.
Ok, think about him walking you down the aisle this way (if you're seriously going to let him, just to avoid drama). This is not just your wedding. Your inability or refusal to deal with the 'drama' means that your fi has to watch a sexual predator, a man who victimized his wife to be, walk her down the aisle like nothing.ever.happened; lift her veil, kiss her cheek. Yep. That'a nice picture for him.
This day is not all about you; it's about the two of you. Don't do that to him.
I'm not wearing a veil and were not doing the part where he "gives me away". Paul is supportive of what I need to do to feel ok. I think 60 seconds is better than an entire day of me being upset and stressed. I didn't want the wedding, Paul did so I was thinking of him when I agreed to have a big wedding with our families there. I'm not upset that you don't agree so don't take it that way, I just find that you seem to be on a high horse every time you post and it's very irritating.