Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Is it weird for 18 yo to sit on her dad's lap?
Ditto. All of it. I was a single mom for years, money was tight for a lot of those years. I would have slept on the floor or the couch indefinitely before sharing a bed with my son, ESPECIALLY once he hit puberty. This *could* be completely innocent, but it's at very best inappropriate and at worst something you don't want to touch with a 10 foot pole. My vote: walk.
On intervention, the therapist called that an unconsummated incestual relationship.
Why do you want to date a man with no idea on the proper boundaries that a parent/adult child relationship should have?
Also, OP you are a mess and a half. I remember you now.
Your family has a history of molestation, your fiance left you somewhat recently and within three months of that (less, actually), you started dating. Was this the guy that you met at that singles event--- the one that caused your friend to delete you from FB AND you expressed that you'd like to --quite literally-- kill your ex.
You need to stop. You need to think of your child and not yourself. Focus on making yourself better. You don't need a boyfriend right now. You definitely don't need THIS boyfriend. You clearly don't know what a healthy relationship should be if you didn't run screaming the second you heard about the sleeping arrangements.
Sleeping with him = creepy. ohhellno.
Wow.
You really know how to pick them, don't you?
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
Wow, you guys have really brought this to a whole new level I wasn't expecting. You have definitely opened my eyes to this major boundry issue.
To answer your questions he has only been divorced for a little over two years. His ex stayed in their house and he lived in their guest house for part of that time. Then he got an apartment. I am not aware of the kids staying overnight with him at his apartment. He would see them everyday afterschool (he owns his own business and had flexible hours). Then the ex got her own house and he moved back to the house but apparently didn't have any furniture because he still had his apartment and it was sublet to his friend (furnished I presume). Then the daughter had a huge falling out with ex. Then she turned 18 and grabbed her stuff and moved in with Dad abruptly.
From what bits and pieces I know the two of them have really depended on each other emotionally for at least the past two years. The daughter went through a very depressed period and did some really off stuff that she felt comfortable enough to tell him all the details I gather. Which included sex with both a girl and a boy. (not at the same time.) I can understand father and daughter being close but I really don't like the idea that HE seemed to depend on her emotionally. I gather that he would discuss with her the women he was dating which is fine, but I don't think that she needs to know every last emotion and detail.
I totally get what you all are saying. I wonder what her mom would have thought if she knew they were sleeping in the same bed.
LOL.
This. You're such a mess you have to ask an online message board if this situation is weird. Don't you have a mind of your own? Obviously there was some sort of warning bell going off in your head about this, otherwise you wouldn't have brought it up.
Dump the creepy old man and pull yourself together woman! You shouldn't be dating right now that THIS is why.
Back the creepy train up. He's relaying stories of his daughter's sex life back to you? I'm not really going to question the appropriateness of this between the dad and daughter as I don't know details, but WHY is he telling you??? Also it sounds like he's telling the daughter intimate details as well. SUPER WEIRD.
The fact that this just opened your eyes to a "major boundary issue" is beyond me. This is an enormous red flag. Everything about their relationship is totally creepy. I would have been running for the hills the moment he said they shared a bed. MAJOR ICK.
I wasn't kidding...
I think you are reading too much into it and are potentially jealous of the relationship they have. It makes it easier for you to rationalize your feelings by assuming they are the weird ones.
The sleeping together past puberty is the weird part.