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Re: Fart

  • My H doesn't fart, so no, but it would crack me up if he did.
    image

  • Anyone who has dated me knows better.  I get it.  Everyone farts.  Farts can be hilarious.  But no.  There would be consequences.  Bad ones.

    So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

  • imageFallinAgain:
    My H doesn't fart, so no, but it would crack me up if he did.

    I'm trying to figure out if this is sarcastic. The cracking up part anyway.

    image
    For less then ten cents a day, you can feed a hungry child.
  • imageGhostofZeldaFitzgerald:


    Anyone who has dated me knows better.  I get it.  Everyone farts.  Farts can be hilarious.  But no.  There would be consequences.  Bad ones.

    Yes. I get mad when it's aimed my way when we're in bed. I'm all "aim that shiit DOWN, yo! That's what the mattress is for! Dang!"

    image
    I bet her FUPA's name is Shane, like the gunslinger/drifter of literature.--HappyTummy
  • Your husband doesn't fart or just not in front of you? Or just not audibly?

    It seems like he could spontaneously combust some day.

  • I'd have an issue if my H farted on me.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • No, not sarcastic.  The bear scratch thing was funny.  I'm very free with bodily functions in my own home.  I just don't care to know internet acquaintances' rectal happenings. 

    I guess he farts but rarely.  I'm the farter. He's the burper.

    image
  • My h wouldn't hold me down and fart on me for fear of retaliation. He does fart though, quite a bit. But so do I. And so does Mabel. And Miles.
    image Mabel the Loser.
  • imageFallinAgain:

    No, not sarcastic.  The bear scratch thing was funny.  I'm very free with bodily functions in my own home.  I just don't care to know internet acquaintances' rectal happenings. 

    Huh?
    image
  • imageChristinS:
    imageFallinAgain:

    No, not sarcastic.  The bear scratch thing was funny.  I'm very free with bodily functions in my own home.  I just don't care to know internet acquaintances' rectal happenings. 

    Huh?

    I'm sorry. What was unclear? 

    image
  • I told P that I wanted us to start farting less. He is the only one who took that request seriously.

    For some reason I think all my farts are hysterical, and all of his are disgusting and grounds for divorce.

    image
  • I have IBS so my farts can really be awful. So, when Mr. Winged and I first met, like a month into the relationship, he flew us to LA for a concert. We were in the pit area. And I had major stomach issues. So, I farted thinking it would just get lost in the crowd. But he smelled it and went on and on about it was the foulest thing he had ever smelled and I was so embarrassed.

    He never knew it was me and it scarred me from farting in front of him.

    I have never told this story to anyone. That's the shame I bear.

  • imagewingedbride:

    I have IBS so my farts can really be awful. So, when Mr. Winged and I first met, like a month into the relationship, he flew us to LA for a concert. We were in the pit area. And I had major stomach issues. So, I farted thinking it would just get lost in the crowd. But he smelled it and went on and on about it was the foulest thing he had ever smelled and I was so embarrassed.

    He never knew it was me and it scarred me from farting in front of him.

    I have never told this story to anyone. That's the shame I bear.

     

    Wait, so.  What do you do?  Go to another room?  Hold it?

    I have not reached the fart threshold with BF yet, and I'm a little nervous about it.  The X and I farted in front of one another, and it wasn't a big deal.   I can't for the life of me remember how we got there, though.  

    So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

  • imageGhostofZeldaFitzgerald:
    imagewingedbride:

    I have IBS so my farts can really be awful. So, when Mr. Winged and I first met, like a month into the relationship, he flew us to LA for a concert. We were in the pit area. And I had major stomach issues. So, I farted thinking it would just get lost in the crowd. But he smelled it and went on and on about it was the foulest thing he had ever smelled and I was so embarrassed.

    He never knew it was me and it scarred me from farting in front of him.

    I have never told this story to anyone. That's the shame I bear.

    I hold it or flee. If I am far enough away from him, I will let it out. But, I have years of practice with controlling the noise of farts to ensure that only silent ones are released.

     

    Wait, so.  What do you do?  Go to another room?  Hold it?

    I have not reached the fart threshold with BF yet, and I'm a little nervous about it.  The X and I farted in front of one another, and it wasn't a big deal.   I can't for the life of me remember how we got there, though.  

  • I wish my H didn't fart. The sound of farts makes me laugh, but his are really stinky. Like, they make me angry they smell so bad.

    Alas, the whole house is full of farters. The baby and dog included.

    image
    For less then ten cents a day, you can feed a hungry child.
  • H probably has in front of me twice in 9 years together. It doesn't bother me if he did so not sure what his hang up is. I don't in front of him either though (see Winged IBS issues). I guess when we have to we just go in another room. I think if he held me down to fart on me I would be pretty annoyed.

  • imageKamikaze3:

    H probably has in front of me twice in 9 years together. It doesn't bother me if he did so not sure what his hang up is. I don't in front of him either though (see Winged IBS issues). I guess when we have to we just go in another room. I think if he held me down to fart on me I would be pretty annoyed.

    I think I'd be more embarrassed to keep fleeing the room. 

    image
  • These posts always remind me of how gross Kevin and I really are in front of each other.
    image
    For less then ten cents a day, you can feed a hungry child.
  • I really don't fart often, but I burp constantly. I burp in front of him. He farts in front of me. I tell him he's disgusting because farts are grosser than burps. We rinse and repeat.
    image
  • OMG Winged, it's YOU! You're the one letting off the stankiest of stank I-can-taste-your-fart-in-my-mouth-its-so-foul smell when I'm out in public places. I hate your butt smell!!! And from now on when I smell it I'm going to automatically assume that you're somewhere out there in the swarm of people, silently leaking your ass gas, and slinking off back into the night towards Texas. I'll go so far to suggest that the very acttion of setting off assbombs in public be called 'winiging', or past tense, 'winged'.

    "Oh my God, Becky... someone just totally winged. I'm going to throw up."  

  • i am so glad I just went to the bathroom before reading hezz's post.
  • imageAngieP900:
    These posts always remind me of how gross Kevin and I really are in front of each other.
    yeah, me too. Though in fairness, I will often warn Jason if I've let a particularly bad one loose. I'll tell him to avoid the area if he wants to remain conscious. Its because I'm very ladylike. He, on the other hand, will not warn me. He's rude and gross. He also likes to blame Mabel for his farts.
    image Mabel the Loser.
  • imageFallinAgain:
    imageKamikaze3:

    H probably has in front of me twice in 9 years together. It doesn't bother me if he did so not sure what his hang up is. I don't in front of him either though (see Winged IBS issues). I guess when we have to we just go in another room. I think if he held me down to fart on me I would be pretty annoyed.

    I think I'd be more embarrassed to keep fleeing the room. 

    We don't fart that often that this is an issue. It is not like we are getting up every 5 seconds and running to another room. We don't even notice.

  • imageFallinAgain:
    imageChristinS:
    imageFallinAgain:

    No, not sarcastic.  The bear scratch thing was funny.  I'm very free with bodily functions in my own home.  I just don't care to know internet acquaintances' rectal happenings. 

    Huh?

    I'm sorry. What was unclear? 

    "Bear scratch thing". I assumed it was a weird autocorrect.  Now I assume I'm just missing something.
    image
  • imageChristinS:
    imageFallinAgain:
    imageChristinS:
    imageFallinAgain:

    No, not sarcastic.  The bear scratch thing was funny.  I'm very free with bodily functions in my own home.  I just don't care to know internet acquaintances' rectal happenings. 

    Huh?

    I'm sorry. What was unclear? 

    "Bear scratch thing". I assumed it was a weird autocorrect.  Now I assume I'm just missing something.

    I'm guessing you didn't read the original link. 

    image
  • This post smells like fart rolls.

    image

  • Kevin has taught Connor to blame me if anybody farts, ever, anywhere. They both think it's effing hilarious. Connor will yell "Mommy tooted!!  Ewwww! Stinky!" if he hears anything that resembles the sound of farting. 

    Kevin has also taught him the "pull my finger thing" so the other day Connor ripped one and looked at me and said "who pulled my finger?"

    Boys are gross.  

  • imageWendyToo:

    Kevin has taught Connor to blame me if anybody farts, ever, anywhere. They both think it's effing hilarious. Connor will yell "Mommy tooted!!  Ewwww! Stinky!" if he hears anything that resembles the sound of farting. 

    I think I've told this story before, but when I was 8 or 9, I rode the bus to summer camp.  Some older boys taught one of the youngest boys (who was, like, 4) to say "Emily farted," just to mess with me.  So one day the young boy got off the bus, ran into his mom's waiting arms, and started singing, "E-mi-ly fawwwted!  E-mi-ly fawwted!"  And his mom was laughing and I was horrified, because she thought I farted when I had NOT.

    Needless to say, if my H teaches James to blame farts on me, we will divorce.

    image
  • All farts in our house get blamed on Monty. Ethan's already fond of screaming "NO NO MONTY" anytime Monty gets close to any of his toys, so I don't figure it will be long before he blames Monty when I ask him if he has a stinky butt.
    image
  • Somehow I glazed right over the fact that there was a link.  I thought we were just having a random fart conversation.  I'm super sharp this morning.
    image
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