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Ugh I feel so guilty
I know I have posted a few times about how I have been trying to find a home for my cats. I have been asking everyone I know for months.
I posted them on Petfinder. I called to some rescue places to inquire about finding people who foster. I put an ad on Craigslist for a brief period but that made me feel uncomfortable because you really have NO idea who the person is. One rescue place wanted $250 per cat or 60 hours community service donated before they would give them a home.
I finally found a shelter that is a no kill shelter. I had an appointment with them and they ended up taking them in. I donated supplies and money to them. I also signed a form that in the event that they cannot find them a home they will contact me and I have the option to take them back. I feel so darn guilty for doing it. Please help me not feel like a horrible person. Ugh.
BNOTB Awards
Re: Ugh I feel so guilty
Ditto pp. Why did you give them up?
Very few shelters are really 'no kill.' $250 per cat is really a good deal. It will cost any shelter/rescue that much to place your cats into a new home.
Lurker popping in...
I work at a shelter, and you should feel guilty. Do you honestly think they will get any attention at the shelter? Very very little if any at all. And a lot of shelter cats become "lifers", they never get adopted and spend the rest of their days there. It's heartbreaking. Sorry but sounds like you are being selfish.
What the hell? So what should she do since she can't afford them? Put the cats' lives ahead of her own? They're CATS, not humans. Her livelihood and ability to put food on the table and support herself should come before the cats.
Also, since your reading comprehension skills seem to be lacking, she also said she planned to take them back if the shelter wasn't able to find a home for them.
I can't help you not feel like a horrible person. Your excuse for giving them up was BS. And having volunteered in a no kill shelter for years, sure they aren't euthanized, but it is a horrible experience. My girl came from the shelter; she was an owner surrender and had been there 11 months living in a tiny cage. She is very friendly but was so overwhelmed she wouldn't let anyone handle or touch her except DH, me and a few other volunteers. We finally adopted her b.c. we knew nobody else would and it made me sick to watch her there. She is fine and wonderful now, but I can't make up for a year of her life that she basically spent in hell.
As you experienced, nobody wants to adopt adult cats. Average stay in a no kill is six months. SIX MONTHS of the equivalent of you living in your bathroom 24/7 with maybe 10 minutes per day of interaction and attention. DH and I always manage to get our special needs fosters adopted, it is absolutely not impossible to get an adult cat adopted if you know what you're doing and put some effort in.
So yes, I'm hardcore judging you and I know people on this board generally think I'm b*tchy which is fine. But you dumped them because you wanted a nicer apartment and your SO who you've only been dating a few months is allergic. I'm allergic to my own cats and have certainly sacrificed living arrangements before because they are mine, they love me and they depend on me. How you can turn your back on that makes me sick.
This is utter and complete BS. I was able to afford two cats in college and then in grad school when living on student loans. I trimmed their toenails, gave them toys and they needed very little attention. I rented apartments and never lost any $ because of them. You trim their toenails, give them cardboard to scratch and pull the blinds up or take the blinds down completely. My pet deposit was maybe $200 for two. I have moved five times with one of them, and three times with three cats and a dog. Is it the easiest thing ever? No. Is it totally cost prohibitive and impossible. Hell no. You own them so you make a decision that you'll make it work. If carpet is an issue, you rent with hardwood floors.
ETA: The OP posted maybe a week ago about having a 2 or 3 bedroom, large townhouse to herself to rent. Downsize the size of the house and voila, you have $ fior pet rent.
In total agreement with Kell. All my spare time and money goes to animal rescue and it irks me when people give up their animals. A pet is a lifetime commitment. It is a life, not an object.
Did you try softpaws.com?
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
I'm with Kell and RP too. When I got divorced, I took the 120 lb dog with me. I paid pet deposits, fed her (you can imagine those bills), and on my single income I had to pay for her to go to a dermatoligist every 4-6 weeks for recurring staph infections ($100 visit and $150 for meds each time). You better believe that was tough for me financially, and that I had to sacrifice eating out, shopping, etc. I also lived in a dumpy place to be able to afford her. But when I adopted her, I made the commitment to take care of her no matter what. She doesn't get as much attention as I wish I could give her, but I know she's happier and more loved with me than she ever would be anywhere else.
Sure! But dropping them off at a shelter (even a no-kill shelter) will get the side-eye from me every time.
This was a lousy thing to do.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
Her cats weren't rehomed, they were taken to the shelter.
I guess I have no sympathy because when X and I divorced, I had the dogs and the cat and while I couldn't really afford all the pets and the house, I did what I had to do to keep my family together. It wouldn't have been fair to them for me to give them up. They lost their human "dad" and they sure as hell weren't going to lose me too.
EA: Not to mention, millions of animals are put to sleep every year. Again, a pet is a lifetime commitment, I wish more people would honor it, so animals are left in cold, dark shelter; confused as hell...just to be killed later. It is not fair.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
What was that about reading comprehension skills? She said she had the option to take them back, not that she would. And based on her reasons for giving them up, I can bet she won't take them back. And when did she say she couldn't feed herself and that her livelihood was in jeopardy? The most I got from all that was it is an inconvenience..
"Not enough attention" is a cop-out. It makes me mad when people use this excuse. Do you think they get more attention in a small cage? And monthly pet fees being outrageous? How much are you paying OP? I've never paid (or heard of paying) more than $25/mo. Is $50/mo really that big of a deal when, as a PP mentioned, you live in a 3bdrm townhouse? I'm just smh at this... Ugh.
Absolutely. There is a girl who posted on pets yesterday that she enlisted and cannot take her cat. I am sending her my adoption application and contract and we helped her figure out how to use rescues to help her place the cat (courtesy posting online). My MIL's sister recently went into a nursing home, MIL took her dog and DH and I found the dog a new home.
There are life circumstances that can't be helped, but I adopted the animal two years ago and don't feel like dealing with it b.c. it's inconvenient is not one of them.
I rehomed the Boxer puppy XH and I got right before our divorce (yes, we used a dog as a bandaid for our issues). She went to a great home in NH with a family friend. Instead of being in a crate for 12 hours a day like she would have been at XH's house (she wasn't welcome at my parents place and I couldn't afford to rent a place on my own), she is living with a Boston Terrier brother on 5 acres and goes to work with her new dad everyday. She has a much better life.
There is the possiblilty of rehoming without judgment--if you actually REHOME your pets. Judgment falls upon those who give up on the rehoming and drop their pets at a shelter.
*I know you're having Murph issues so this is a senstitive subject.* ((hugs))
Yeah - I mean I understand the difference between rehoming and dropping at a shelter. I am a little sensitive about it because this is something we are considering, but he would go back to his breeder and she would rehome him and/or she would help us rehome him. I am having a difficult time not feeling like a horrible person for considering this option.
This is the agreement you had with the breeder from the outset, he has a safe place to go and will not be unhappy, uncomfortable or in danger. You've also exhausted a lot of resources, including working with 4 or 5 behaviorists. If you choose to rehome him it would be after LITERALLY exhausting all options and to help him find a home that is better suited to his needs. That is a very different thing. Speaking of which, if you feel like it, I would be curious to hear how his recent appt went and will keep an eye on TIP for hopefully a good update.
The guy ended up being sick and cancelled our appointment last weekend. I am still waiting to hear from him regarding rescheduling so at this point we're still in limbo.
No, my reading comprehension skills are fine. Her signing that form is the shelter's hope that maybe she would be decent and get them back if she knows they are not being adopted. Do you honestly think she asked for that form? (how would she even know there is such a thing?) And it seems your reading comprehension is a bit off, and dramatic much? When did she say anything about not being able to put food on her table because of the cats?
There are a lot of haters on this thread. I'll say that much.
OP -- You feel guilty because you know deep down that sending your kitties to the shelter wasn't the right thing to do. That's why you have guilt. ((hugs)) I don't have anything to say that will help, but I'm sorry you're feeling bad about your decision. Ignore all the haters on here.
Wait, did I read that she has a new boyfriend who is allergic somewhere in here? Before I met H I lived in a 630 sq ft apt with 4 cats. Less than ideal but doable. Cats are cheap pets, unless they are having some health issues. Anyway, there are legit reasons to re-home, such as the poster on pets who enlisted and there are bs reasons. To me, this falls under bs.
This is also a hot button issue for me b/c I have 5 animals and bad allergies, I take meds daily and follow with my allergists. I've also had numerous friends have kids and then suddenly 'couldn't possibly handle their pets anymore'. It's a commitment when you get a pet and imo you better have a damn good reason for trying to re-home them.
Thanks, RP. Now I am on the local rescue site looking at dogs. Like I need more...
:::shaking fist:::
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We're "haters" because we're not okay with her shirking her responsibilities and putting her cats in a living hell just because it is inconvenient for her?
I'm actually a lover, I love cats. I love every kind of cat.
This post breaks my heart. I am a proud mom of a 10-year old chocolate lab, and couldn't imagine giving her up in a million years. I see pet ownership as a lifetime commitment. If I ended up on the street, my dog would be with me.
I know that things happen, no one can predict the future, and you're certainly not the only one who has had to make this decision. All I can say is before you adopt a pet again, think about the guilt you feel now and keep in mind what everyone else has said here.
I will rephrase. There's a bunch of Judgy McJudgerson's on this thread.
I'm an animal lover too -- I grew up with dogs, and I currently have a dog and a cat and I consider them to be part of my family. However, I had to re-home one of my cats in the last few months due to my extremely active 2 y/o stressing her out to the max. It was exhausting trying to keep the two of them separate, and it wasn't healthy for my cat to spend her time hiding in my basement. I found her a loving home to go to, but that doesn't mean I don't still feel guilty about it. However, my child is more important to a cat. Go ahead and judge me for that, but unless you've been in the particular situation (Ninja's included), you really don't have room to cast judgment.
Do I agree that Ninja made a smart decision in sending her cats to the shelter? No. But I'm also not going to jump on the bandwagon of flaming her for it either.
I've been strapped for $ living in a rented apartment with my DH all the way across the country while financially supporting myself. My cats have their claws and I've paid pet rent and pet deposits. I made it work because they're mine and I love them. I have never considered living in an apt or elsewhere that would not have allowed me to bring them along. I have allergies to my cats and I deal with it because they're mine. So I've actually experienced the situation Ninja is describing.
In the past four years I have fostered and adopted out 24 animals, so I've also "been there done that" on responsible rehoming.
People are judging because it was not only the wrong decision but had very serious and horrible ramifications for her cats who deserved better and cannot make decisions on their own behalf. The same way you may get upset about certain subjects because of your personal experiences, I get very upset and frustrated when people adopt animals and don't follow through because I work in rescue and see how it affects the animals. At least if she realizes the consequences and does feel bad about it, she might not do it again.
Not only did she not make a smart move, she made a very cruel move and that is why I'm judging. Those cats are in a living hell. They don't understand why they have been abandoned and why they have to live in cages. Even the sweetest, most outgoing pet can change when faced with these circumstances. They did nothing wrong yet they suffer. She could have used soft paws and gotten them toys.
Yes, I do judge when people sacrifice those around them who depend on them.