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So, pretty much one of the worst days of my life today.
My appointment I had for Monday got rescheduled for today. My H wasn't able to make it as he already had to work and couldn't get out of work. Today was to confirm and find out the due date.
Well, the doctor figured out I was around 12 weeks, give or take a day or two based on sizing. However, this was after an ultrasound, which found the baby's heart wasn't beating. It must have died sometime this week, so now I'm replaying every move I made, everything I ate, everything I could have done to cause it. They told me over and over that most of the time these things happen; it likely wasn't anything I did, but I can't help replaying my entire week in my head. It was horrible, I was alone. I hadn't even told my parents yet, only H, a coworker who of course is out today, and TIP knows since I felt safe telling people I don't really know and my coworker, the same one who I told right away when I got pregnant with DD.
I opted to receive some meds to induce miscarriage to pass the baby over a D&C, since no one was there with me. I'm going to wait until tonight to take them since I decided to come back to work instead of sitting at home, and obviously I don't want to be at work when it happens. I haven't gotten out of my car yet, I can't stop crying. I can't believe how quickly I went from shocked about the whole thing, to loving that little bean, and now I'm devastated. I called H at work, which I kind of wish I hadn't done, but I knew he was waiting for the update. He tried so hard to disguise it but I know he was crying a little, something I've seen him do twice in the eight years I've been with him. He felt just horrible that he wasn't there, and assured me he'll be up with me as long as it takes for the medication to kick in.
Re: So, pretty much one of the worst days of my life today.
(((((((Malibu))))))
I'm so sorry. Don't beat yourself up about this. These things just happen sometimes.
Oh malibu. I am so so sorry.
HUGS
Oh man, I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry you had to be alone when you got the news.
(((HUGS)))
Missed M/C 11/5/2010 @ 5 weeks, 3 days* D&C 12/3/2010 at 9 weeks, 3 days
I really, really wish I could reach through my computer screen and give you a hug.
This isn't your fault. Don't do that to yourself. {{{HUGS}}}
Malibu! Huge, huge hugs to you. I'm so sorry. Take the time you need to rest and relax. We're here for you.
I am so sorry to hear that! I'm usually a lurker but I couldn't not give you my honest heart felt condolences.
I hope things look up for you!
I'm so sorry sweetheart.
Big hugs.
And just go home, for god's sake. It's Friday. You can still wait to take the medicine.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
(((HUGS)))
I'm so sorry!
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
I actually feel a little better being at work, I'm able to keep busy. If I was home by myself, I'd just stew and think and cry uncontrollably. Although I'm tempted to call my mom now and go over there for a bit.
Thanks everyone. Tonight will be rough after I pop this misoprostol. I have no idea what to expect, if it'll be like labor or what. I think they explained it to me but I had pretty much gone numb by then. Glad my H will be there. Actually, if I go to my mom's, I might do it then. I have no clue how long it takes to work, but I think if my H has to watch me do this, it'll break his heart.
YGPM
Oh my God. I'm so sorry, hon.
I can't imagine what this must feel like. I wish I could hug you right now. So, so sorry.
Oh no, Malibu. I am so so sorry. I rarely get choked up over things on these boards but I feel absolutely horrible for you right now.
This is not your fault. Please do not blame yourself. This is something that happens and it sucks, but you did not cause this.
If you need to take the rest of the day off work no one will question it. Please be kind to yourself. Be with people who love you and let yourself feel what you need to. ((HUGS))
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
I was alone when I found about m/c #1 too. It was devastating.
Please know it was nothing that you did or didn't do. It is not your fault, don't blame yourself.
We're here if you need us.
I am so sorry Malibu.
We are here for you anytime you need.
Bless your heart. Call your mom, mom's have a wonderful way of knowing what to say/do especially in a situation like this where nothing is right.
I am so sorry you are having to go through this.
I'm so sorry Malibu. Please don't beat yourself up - this wasn't your fault.
I had a similar experience (although a bit earlier) in December. It's awful and horrible. If you need to talk or have any questions, please PM me. I know that I was very nervous about what to expect, what would happen, etc. The m/c board on the Bump is also very helpful.
I'm so sorry and I hope you find some peace and comfort soon.
BFP #4 It's a BOY!
CP: July 2011
BFP #3: 11/3/2011 M/C 12/12/11
We miss you and love you always, little firecrackers!
Oh, Malibu. I'm so, so sorry. ((((HUGS))))
These things really do just happen. It is nothing you did. Big T&Ps and internet hugs to you.
I'm so sorry