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WDMNT?
So P has a co-worker who has recently gotten married. Well he has to move off base and he doesn't have a place to go. He talked to P and he said he would have to talk to me and see how I feel. I am ok with him staying here. All I ask is he pay some of the rent. I would probably feel different if his wife moved in but she isn't in the states. He would only be here until he was on his feet. So what I would like to know is do you think this is a bad idea? Should we charge him more to stay here? Our rent is way high and so are bills. But if we don't charge him more that would help him get on his feet faster, right? TIA
Re: WDMNT?
He would only be here until he was on his feet.
To me that stipulation is very open ended and could mean anything to anyone. It doesn't carry any definite or easy to measure metric that you can you look at in order to determine when it's time for him to leave. I'd feel better if you agreed on a certain number of weeks or months after which point you could re-assess the arrangement. If you tell him that he has three months then it becomes his responsibility to figure out how to budget and plan so that his butt is out in three months.
Should we charge him more to stay here?
You didn't specify how much you were thinking of charging. What portion of the rent, or what percentage of his take-home income were you planning on charging?
But if we don't charge him more that would help him get on his feet faster, right?
I believe that you should really charge an amount that is fair given the situation and the use of space in your house, in other words what you would charge anybody for using that many square feet in your house. Don't forget to calculate other bills as well. Adding an additional person will probably affect your electric bill but not your internet bill. So you may need to calculate his portion of the electric bill differently than his portion of the internet bill. Figure out a fair way to divvy up all the expenses.
So what I would like to know is do you think this is a bad idea?
Overall I'd be very hesitant. I've seen arrangements like that which worked and those that didn't. Even the ones that worked always end up being an inconvenience to somebody. The most important thing you can do if you go ahead with it is to have your expectations set out very clearly. Make up a paper contract for everyone to sign. You can define things as particular as distribution of chores, quiet hours, how you plan to deal with groceries and common meals or any little thing that you feel needs to be regulated.
Run.. RUN! I'm not kidding, run far, far away!
We've done the roommate thing twice, once with someone that was for a short while (H was in tech school and lived in the dorms so I guess it was more I had a roommate) and then once with someone who I thought was a really good friend.
Both times were absolutely horrendous. It ruined friendships (<--Multiple) and caused a couple riffs between H and I. Overall completely not worth the extra money coming in. It was to the point were I was doing ANYTHING not to do home. It shouldn't be like that.
On a different note, if he just got married then he should be getting BAH. Why does he need to 'get on his feet'? Many apartments waive the upfront deposits and such.
ETA: I thought we thought of everything before we moved in, in regards to rent, utilities, groceries etc. And boy did EVERYTHING change a couple months in. And FWIW theres nothing like being able to walk to the laundry room naked to get something to wear.
I had a similar question and I didn't even remember about BAH. It shouldn't take too long for that to kick in and how is it that he didn't see ahead of time that action A would cause consequence B and make sure that he was prepared for consequence B before he took action A? That causes me to worry about his maturity level and the likely-hood of an arrangement turning out well.
Wait, why does he have to move off base just because he got married? Is he asking if the dude and his wife can both live with you? If the wife is not living with him, he can continue to live in the dorm.
ETA I reread and saw the wife is not in the US. Homeslice can stay in the dorm.
Ditto. He should be listed as geo-bachelor and can stay in the dorms.
Even if for some reason he can't stay in the dorms, don't take him in.
Yep. Or find some other single dudes to room with if he wants to go off base.
It just seems like it would put way too much stress on your and your H's relationship, as well as the relationship with the friend.
I'm with everyone else on this one. I'm wracking my brain trying to come up with a reason for him to have nowhere else to go. I'm calling bullsh*t. Send him to his CoC if he's that desperate.
Or, I mean, if it is YH's friend, then by all means help him out. But don't buy that story he's trying to sell.
Yoinks. He needs to get his wife a green card? Yeah, that'll take a while. Mine ended up somewhat rushed, and it still took over a half year. And I lived in the US, needed no documents translated, and was able to communicate with immigration folks easily in english.
There are a variety of steps that she will have to do while in process for a green card, some of which include very specific and not-payable-by-insurance medical checks (which can get pricey if she's not up to date on her standard vaccinations). She'll have a bio-scan appointment, likely at the consulate in her country, and they'll specify a date - if she can't make that date, they'll reschedule, but it'll be a couple months later.
It's going to be a while before the guy's wife makes it to the US. If he'd been planning, he would have done a fiancee visa first to get her here, and then married her. It would have made the green card process easier.
Anyways, I wouldn't have a roommate. I might let someone I really liked crash with me for a very limited time (ie: 2-4 weeks) so they can buy time if they are being pushed out of their dorm in a rush. That's it. I wouldn't accept payment - they aren't going to be there long enough for payment to be reasonable.
A while ago you discussed this? I feel like a meany head for accusing the guy of this, but I think he's just stalling to see if waiting until the last minute will convince someone to take him in under their wing and give him a nice couch to sleep on until it's convenient for him to do the leg work and get his stuff taken care of. I can easily see him delaying until his wife gets here and does the house hunting for him.
I had a situation in college where me and 3 other girls were trying to find a place to live off campus. We found a place and three of us were ready to sign on the dotted line but the fourth one kept stalling and blaming it on her parents. In the end we cut her loose and found a smaller apartment for the 3 of us.
We realized that the 4th girl, because she was going over seas for a quarter, didn't want to pay for the room while she was gone and didn't want to make the effort to find someone to sublet her room until she got back but at the same time she wanted the convenience of already having the living arrangement ready to go for when she got back. She was smart enough not to say this up front but I didn't like it that she led us around by the nose until we finally said enough is enough.
I don't want to sound like one of those people, but really? It's so true that if he really wants/needs to move out he will find a way. And they work every.single.day?! I find it hard to believe they never have a day off. And perfect, they get off at 3 one day? That 2-3 hours of apartment hunting. Many apartments (mine included) stay open late (7pm) on Wednesdays.
Also he might try calling/emailing/stopping by the housing office on base because they might have a list of apartments they are partnered up with or are approved by them.
Don't do it.
My parent's did it twice, once while I was still in HS and once the year I was graduating college. The first person was only there M-Thr nights and never on the weekends( she would go to her parents an hour and a half away). She didn't pay rent but she wasn't in the position where she could.
The second person was a good friend of my Dad's and paid $500 a month to help out with utilities and groceries and it covered his "rent". My Mom was undergoing cancer treatments at the time and my Dad worked out of town so it was nice knowing that R was there if something were to happen to my Mom. He stayed a bit to long though and was ALWAYS there. Like ALWAYS. I got to the point that I dreaded coming home from college because he was there.
This said its not the best idea in the world. My parent's had a fabulous relationship with each other and it didn't bother them or their relationship. They had expectations of both people that lived in our home and the expectations were known by the roommates.
Its entirely up to you and P as to what you guys decide to do. If we did it we would have rules and a time line as to when he needs to be gone. Sit down and work out a rent number that you guys feel comfortable with. GL whatever your decision.
We had a roommate. He stayed for 4 months the first time and four months the second time. I had no problem with him and actually enjoyed having him as a roommate. The first time, we charged him less than a 1/3 of the rent to "help him get on his feet." And I felt a little resentful. Little things that wouldn't normally bother me bothered me. The second time, we charged him 1/3 of the total (for rent +utilities+cable/internet). He was fine with paying it;it's still less than 1/2 of his BAH.
How can you say you had no problem with him & thing that don't normally bother you began to in the same breath? The two kind of go against each other.
We had a friend crash at our place after he got home from deployment. We didn't charge rent and it was very temporary. It went well, but having a full time roommate would be a no-go for me. I don't mind helping out a friend in need, but if he plans to move in and settle down... nope.
I missed this yesterday, but I also think it's a mistake. It just doesn't seem like this guy will get his stuff together to move out in a reasonable time, I'm sorry to say. Of course, I'm a bit biased-- I feel like we've been given substantial time and resources to locate a place to live even when my H was at TBS (which had a much, much more intense schedule than what it sounds like your friend and H have, including weekends). The tendency that I've noticed is that some people-- especially some of the single guys-- just do what they need to do to save as much as they can, even if it involves sleeping on the floor or on someone's couch for months on end, without thinking about the consequences and effect on the responsible people. Heck, there's an O-3 who works with my H who has lived with 2 different couples, crashed on a single guy's couch, and now crashes on some random person's couch for like $100 and goes into work every weekend because he doesn't want to pay for heat or A/C. Seriously. For that reason, our answer is always no. A nice no, but no (even for like a few nights). You know why? Because when they gave us househunting money, we took it and took the time (our weekend) to come and look for a freaking house. We used it to pay for gas and a hotel and meals, like it was intended. We didn't just pocket it and then come down and risk it.
But again, we really value our couple/family time, and whatever some guy who can't get it together enough to find an apartment-- which honestly, takes like a day or two of serious searching, the only time it took me longer than that was when I was on a strict budget in NYC, which is a notoriously tight market-- is willing to pay me to intrude on my privacy isn't enough to make it worth it. Even if he were paying half of the rent, it wouldn't be worth it to me.