Trouble in Paradise
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Advice please
Things I see in your posts that I would be upset about:
Lying about where he is going
Drinking and driving/driving under some kind of influence (not sure what is going on there-you aren't very specific, so I'm assuming)
Him screwing up your plans by changing his mind or announcing his plans at the last minute.
I feel like you are putting a lot of blame on the brother by saying he is a bad influence, but your H doesn't have to do those things. He does them because he wants to. I think you need to talk with him about your issues, and you guys need to get on the same page. But it is unreasonable for you to ask him to not hang out with his brother. To be honest, for some advance notice, and to not do stupid drug and alcohol related things, fine.
If my FI was willing to blow off our plans to go drink with his bullying brother and drive around under the influence two times a week? Yeah, I would have a problem with that. From day one we have been a team. My FI has family and friends like your H's brother. They have caused problems along the way but he would always put me first. If he didn't, I would tell him after the event and we would discuss it until a compromise was made. Sometimes, it would take a long time and we would have to talk multiple times about it, but in the end communication get the point through.
Sounds like you need to get on the same page during a neutral time. Does he know your expectations? Does he know what leaving, lying and driving under the influence makes you feel like? Why does he feel the need to do this with his brother? Why is his brother a higher priority then his own wife?
Check us out
This is a husband problem.
I can't figure out if your husband is into hard drugs, or just likes to drink at his brothers' house. Either way he should not be driving under the influence.
Lying to you is bad news, but so is busting him like his mommy. You need to learn to communicate better with your husband. Stop being his jailer. Get some counseling.
Are your H and his brother drug dealers or not? The answer to this question will help me to give you advice.
And the OP's response was "Before", meaning he smokes pot people. Her DH likes the ganja. He does sound immature. He sounds exactly like the boyfriend I had when I was 20. Eh, ditch him. That's all I got.
He's just not that into you.
Are you sure he was sneaking to see his brother and not someone else?
This is not about his brother - your DH can make choices and if he is making bad ones, it is DH's fault, not his brother's.
After reading the responses I am thinking your DH has a drug problem and could very likely be dealing as well.
Time to face facts and deal with them. Most likely he was a user before you got married and you thought he would change??
ETA: Does he have a job ( a legal one, not sellling dope)?