Relationships
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Share your embarrassing story
Ugh! Hezz! I would more think the color was from the BBQ? No? Sorry you had such a rough night!
Winged, I obviously have never seen a picture of your husband, but I am cracking up over the thought of him doing a little "make it stop, make it stop" dance.
somebody has killed wendy's sense of humor.
If you find it, please call 1-800-VIBRATORSAREHILARIOUS
Winger, Heith has the video. I may consider posting the butt crackage here, but only if I can get over the idea of posting myself in a bathing suit. No bueno.
The dildo tornado killed me.
I'm sorry you barfed up your bbq and wine Hezz.
Your bonnet and horse and buggy gave your old timey-ness away last week.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
When H and I were moving in together, he got a bunch of his friends together to help U-Haul my apartment. And I couldn't do a whole lot of lifting because I'd had surgery like a month before and was still not allowed, so I was directing stuff into the truck.
So they're loading up the bedroom furniture, and H comes down and says, "Hey, is there anything in your room that you'd rather my friends not see?" and cluelessly, I said I couldn't think of anything. He said "Are you sure? Like nothing? Nothing at all?"
Suddenly, my mind focused on my enormous, flesh colored vibrator.
And I realized that they'd all already seen it.
I ran up to my apartment, where none of his friends could look me in the eye.
And I threw that motherfcuker right in the trash and ran back outside.
I have lots of embarassing stories. Like the time I went in the ocean a few months after having Will and my regular bathing suit still didn't fit so I wore my maternity swimsuit, which was a tankini, and I got knocked down by a wave and when I stood up I thought I had seaweed on my neck. But no, that was actually my bathing suit top which had been pushed up to my neck by the wave. So I flashed a good number of people wake boarding and body surfing. I don't think I shared that here before, I was pretty mortified.
There was the time my roommate was supposed to be visiting her family for the weekend, and Lorne and I had just finished having sex and he was in the bathroom, but I was all sprawled naked on the bed with the bedroom door open, and then my roommate and her boyfriend came in because her flight got cancelled or something. Poor Lorne was stuck in the bathroom until I could get dressed and muster the courage to come out and look at my roommate and take Lorne some clothes.
There was the time we were having sex in the shower and slipped and the side of my face got scratched by the shower door as I was falling. For the next week there was a lot of, "What happened to your face?" "Umm..."
And there was the time I fell in Tony Bennett's limo, but there was no sex involved that time.
oh, i thought of one that doesn't involve vibrators or barfing.
i bought a three pack of chinese laundry tights for super cheap, and quickly learned that you get what you pay for. the first pair had a gaping hole in the toe before i even put them on. like, they didn't bother to sew up the toe.
the second pair is the one that gave me grief. I was wearing a skirt and tights one day when my sister and her kids were in town, and we went to the playground. fine. we had a grand old time but eventually we had to leave. Alison wanted to go down the slide until the end of time instead, so she had a predictable tantrum when we headed to the car. when i was halfway to the car, approaching the picnic pavillion, she was throwing herself on the ground screaming and this was the moment the tights decided to roll down, all the way off my ass, pretty much all the way down to the middle of my thighs.
i felt like a marvel of physics, trying to keep my knees together, trying to avoid them rolling past my knees which would have been obviously visible under the hem of the skirt. it was in this state that i carried her potato sack style the rest of the way to the car.
I love all your stories, but need to know more about this one!
Maybe I don't have a heightened sense of smell, but I've never smelled any vagina on my pants. -- TSD
Bloggity Blog - You know you want to...
LOL Noisy. El Oh El. To all of it.
Oh, also, in the continuing bathing suit butt crack saga. On that same day as the dolphins, we were on this beach that had an area with a bunch of blow up bouncy things in the water - almost like Wipe Out or something. It was awesome. Anyway, Heith and I were racing each other to this big bouncy ladder that went up to a giant bouncy slide. I rook a running jump out of the water to pull myself up onto it, and as I jumped, my bathing suit bottoms came down. Like, all the way down off my butt, full moon.
Did my wonderful husband help me? Perhaps try to shield me form any prying eyes? No. He just cried with laughter as I dangled there helplessly with my butt hanging out, before finally falling back into the water. Luckily, there was no one near me to see it except him. But he made sure to tell our friends as soon as they joined us in the water.
I have an embarrassing story that hasn't even happened yet.
It's an assignment from the marriage counselor.
I laughed until I cried when he told us what to do.
I'm not going to spell it out but it revolves around a handie. And squeezing something.
OH GOD I don't want to give a handie.
Ha, I didn't retell it becuase I think I've shared it a few times. I was 15, I think, and my BFF gave me tickets to see Tony Bennett at a winery for my birthday. Her mom and dad dropped us off and then went to hang out with her aunt while we went to the concert. There was us and then hundreds and hundreds of old people. I think we were probably the youngest people there by 30 or 40 years. The local news did a little story like, "Fans of all ages came out to see Tony Bennett tonight!" and showed me and my friend sitting near some old people. It was a lie.
Anyway, after the concert ended, we were waiting for my friend's mom to come pick us up. There was this dirt road that led out to the parking lot or the main road, and the dirt road went back behind the stage thing. Next to the road there was a little grassy hill thing, and that's where we waited for my friend's mom. There were some older ladies standing there too. We figured they were waiting for their husbands to come pick them up.
Eventually a big limo comes from behind the stage. It was going fairly slowly, probably because it was a dirt road, and the window was rolled down, and all the old ladies were getting excited. Then BFF and I realized it was Tony Bennett in the limo, so we were excited too (but more in the, "how neat!" way and less in the "I want Tony Bennett to do me" way, like the old ladies).
I don't really remember how it happened; I either tripped or one of the old ladies hot for Tony bumped into me, but as we have established earlier in this thread, I'm kind of a klutz. So I tripped and stumbled off the little hill, heading directly at the limo. I landed with my upper body inside the open limo window. Tony Bennett looked terrified. The barbie doll woman he had with him looked terrified. I want to say that I said something like, "Oh shiit, I'm sorry," but I really don't remember if I did. I may have just stared at him all horrified though. The limo was still going pretty slow, so I was able to push myself out without getting run over.
So yeah. I fell in Tony Bennett's limo.
Balls? I think your therapist is definitely on your side.
I was thinking the same thing. I know I failed at marriage, but Twan could've easily picked my dohickey out of a lineup.
"As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
I don't know why I feel so embarrassed for you right now. Maybe because the idea of sitting with a counselor and having her be like "So, this week's assignment is a nice handjob and some testicle groping. Round here we call this assignment the ol' tug and squeeze. It can do wonders!" is just too much for me.
Oh god no, you buy it from drugstore.com!
They used to freak me out a little, too, but now it seems as innocuous and normal as my toothbrush.
"As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse