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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Struggling to forgive the MIL
I don't think honeymoon registries are tacky, I think it's cute that people can buy you dinners when you are away and cool stuff for you to enjoy on your HM, but that's not really the issue here.
I agree with all the posters who responded about how important it is that your husband take the lead with his mother -- the good news is, you've only been married for 2 months, and it's not too late to "set the tone" for the rest of your life, if you do something about it now. I would suggest a couple sessions with a good couples therapist -- this is one of the TOP issues people go to marriage counseling for -- if you don't deal with it, you'll be there sooner or later, so why not make it sooner?
MY MIL calls DH 3-5 times A DAY! granted he is an only child and her husband died 6 years ago, so she is LONELY. But 3-5 times a week is totally reasonable!
My MIL got on my nerves during the planning of our wedding too...my husband and I are still married and I am beyond over that. It may still feel raw to you, but you'll realize, when your wedding day, while fun and important, is not what your marriage is all about, that in the long run it doesn't matter.
However, you do need to talk to your husband about supporting you...you're the woman in his life now.
This is something I have been dealing with as well. My husband's parents are Hindu and mine are Catholic. We had an interfaith wedding (shortened Hindu and shortened Christian, not Catholic). Every issue caused drama and led to my MIL crying and saying things like, "what kind of children are you going to have"? She didn't talk to me on the day of the wedding. I tried my best to enjoy it, but she really hurt me for 9 months leading up to the day and the day of. I was so relieved to get the day over as well. Now, she says "I love you" to me all of the time, but her actions for the last year have not shown it. Like you mentioned, my stress level goes through the roof when she calls. My husband has easily forgiven her because it is his mother.
I have been trying to focus on what a loving and wonderful son she raised and being grateful for that. It has also helped that I have not seen her much in the 6 months we have been married, but they plan to move within 1 hour of where we live in the next year. I think all you can focus on is moving forward and trying to let go. You're not going to gain anything from continuing to suffer. It is not easy to let go, but if you continue thinking that she is going to stress you out or hurt you, then she will continue to do so - it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Hopefully when you see pictures or a video from your wedding, you will see that you were happy because of the man you married. This has helped me a lot.
About the honeymoon registry, we did one too. I looked it up on emilypost.com beforehand, and it said that it is perfectly acceptable...so if the institution on manners says it's okay, I'm not sure why all of these other posters are telling you it's tacky.
I never comment on these things but I just had to say something. I understand your frustration. My MIL didn't pay for a thing for our wedding but refused to decrease her family guest list, invited extra people we don't even know (like her friends or kids' friends) without my knowledge and trash talked all of my ideas. She booked hair appts for herself (to get her hair straightened--get a straightener?), her daughter's random friend, and her son (?) during the time that I needed my bridesmaids' hair done by that same stylist. When I unbooked her appts and told her why she showed up anyway and made my bridesmaids late getting their hair done. She texted me almost daily asking if I was done all the wedding stuff yet and why on earth was it taking me so long. She planned to do the rehearsal dinner then told me at the last minute that I would have to handle it because she was busy.
THEN...to put the icing on the cake--(we had been living with his parents temporarily) and she told us they were putting the house on the market 3 weeks before our wedding and that we would need to get all of our stuff out and do a ton of organizing/cleaning/repairs to get the house ready because she had to work. When I refused because I was...umm...BUSY with my wedding she kicked us out and we had to frantically find an apt and move 3 weeks before the wedding.
Then she begged us to come back because she had no one to fix up her house for her. At that point my husband finally decided to open his mouth and say no for the first time in his life. Like you, I cringe when his parents call him but it is several times a day. The only reason I haven't went crazy yet is because they moved to another state.
Your husband really has to support you. And distance helps.
Wow. I'm really surprised by the responses you got here. Let me just say that I think those people are crazy and that you're not.
1. a honeymoon registry is NOT tacky. not at all. don't let anyone ever think it's wrong to register for what you actually want and will use. there is no point in registering for china and silver if you will never use china and silver - your guests, I assure you, did not want to waste their money on crap you'll never use.
2. your MIL calling multiple times a day is VERY excessive. calling once a day is very excessive. my MIL calls once a week and I find that to be excessive - but I think most people would consider that pretty reasonable. (I talk to my parents once a month or so. My mother usually less often.)
3. after all this, I think you'll just need to face facts - your MIL is a typical Jewish mother. She's overbearing, overprotective, and she's apparently really pissed that her perfect Jewish son did not marry a Jewish woman - because you are not Jewish, your children will not be Jewish, and this is a BIG DEAL to some Jews. (I'm Jewish, so I sort of get this, although I think it's really wrong and borderline bigotry.)
4. The most important thing - where is your husband in all this? Your MIL acts like a big rude jerk because your husband lets her. My husband used to be the same way, and I encouraged him to stand up for himself for once - he was just as unhappy as I was with his mother's antics, but he didn't want to disappoint her. He found out that he can speak his mind to his mother (tactfully) and, guess what? she's a good mother so she still loves him and now she respects our boundaries a lot more.
5. Basically, this isn't your fight to fight. Grin and bear it when the MIL is in town, and encourage your husband to deal with her so she can understand how to treat people better. But some people will never change. So, eh. Just keep killing her with kindness.
I have no intentions of offending anyone with this, but what you just described of your Jewish MIL seems to be the typical stereotype. However, its not just common to Jews, or religion for that matter. It seems to me to go a little deeper and shes just using her religion as a shield. If this wasn't all that important to your fiance then shame on him for not putting HIS foot down to his mom. I hate that your and your husband's day went like this and things weren't handled beforehand, but the past is the past. This is how I handled our similar situation... I tried very politely and gently more than a couple times to tell my in-laws (its not just my MIL, its her whole family save about 3 members) that I appreciated their input, but their ways just weren't my ways.
Hint was not taken so I went to my husband with it, who is a very open person to talk to. He told me that he had already tried to get the same point across to no avail so now it was "no holds barred." He told me to go for it... the next time she started and got on my nerves to let her have it! He said he had already warned her that I could rip her heart out and not think twice about it and if she wasn't heeding the warning, then so be it (this was started over her wanting us to have our wedding in their yard and already asking people to do this and that). Well by golly, I did! I let her have it... best thing I ever did for all relationships involved
Took a couple years, but now everything is fine... my husband stands up for himself... his mom gets the point... and I enjoyed the break from the in-laws 
I have the same issue with MIL being over-powering. However in my case husband stood up for me as I told him the only person that can confront his family is him as they won't care what you say.
However, I like you am having a hard time getting over the wedding issues she has caused. and even today she will call me or text me 'Is my son ok?" if she doesn't hear from him.
best way is just to let husband be respectful it is his mother but if she tries to attack you personally have him stand up for you it will mean more to her. And yeah definitely don't answer the phone right when she calls we started doing that even if we weren't busy just ignore the call and call back later that way they know that you have lives and can't be reached at their beck and call
Hope for the best for you!
Hi, there. I have never responded to one of these, but I can't keep my mouth shut on this one. First of all, I want to say that some of these responses are totally irrelevant to the real problem you are having (in other words, addressing the honeymoon registry is moot. Besides, I agree with the response about Emily Post saying it's okay.)
The problem you are having here is a passive-aggressive MIL. I watched my own mother deal with this throughout her marriage to my stepfather, and I married into a similar family dynamic. The reason all this seemingly "little" stuff is bothering you is because it is very likely aimed at hurting you. (The cc'd email is a dead giveaway.) That's what passive-aggressives do-- they hurt through the little things that, when repeated or pointed out, look absolutely petty (and they are very good at building up an arsenal of "allies" and "playing the victim"). I feel you; I've totally been there. The people on here who are telling you to "get over it" probably have never been treated this way or just don't care if they have. You said yourself you care about other people's feelings, and it is a difficult thing for sensitive people to come to terms with the fact that others can be cruel and hurtful and justify it with "religion" or "family."
The point is, your husband has GOT to stand up for you and visibly put you first. I get why her Saturday morning phone call bothered you--while she could not have know what was about to happen, it was the choice your husband made that hurt. Why would he answer the phone right then? It would definitely make you feel like he preferred talking to his mom over intimacy with you.
Not to get all overly religious, but both your faiths have a similar background, so maybe this will help. Genesis 2:24 says that "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." I once had this explained to me in the same vein as the New Testament phrase "a man cannot serve two masters." Not that your hubby is a slave to either of you, but he can't be loyal to you both when you both have differing needs. He needs to be faithful to you first, while still honoring his mother's place in his life; however, this does not mean he should remain neutral. He should always speak up for you and defend you as he has chosen to leave his parents and "hold fast" to you.
In the meantime, I suggest you look up some information on dealing with passive aggressive personalities. One thing that has always helped me, both with my stepfamily and my in-laws, was to make sure my behavior was blameless. Whether it was keeping my temper cool or not stooping to their level, it always helped me to know that my conscience was clear regardless of what they were doing.
I also suggest that you practice reminding yourself why you married your husband to begin with. Focus on the fact that by marrying one another, you have been given the opportunity to start a "new" family with new traditions and new behaviors. This has always helped me and my husband realize that bad behaviors and tendencies do not have to enter our house. Even if the behaviors of others hurt us, we talk about them and help each other through them, but the hurtful behaviors stop at the doorstep to our home.
I hope this helps--I, too, have regrets about the way my wedding went, and it has been almost five years. I am looking forward to anniversaries and a renewing of vows sometime in the future because the first time around was so disappointing!