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Divorce process advice needed..
I need some advice/validation. My H is in the military, and has been stationed overseas for the last two years. We've been married for almost 14 months and haven't seen each other in over a year. He just came home (Literally like a few hours ago, his plane landed in the US) and the fighting began. I have been dreading his return since probably Christmas. He's planning on spending a week with his parents, but then coming to NC where his new command will be and where I already live with my parents. After a year of emotional, financial abuse, blame (everything is always my fault), denial (he's perfect.. I'm the problem), coercion and threats including "if I were there I would choke you right now". I think that short of him becoming a completely different person very quickly, there is nothing left for me in my marriage. I've struggled with this for a few months wondering if I would regret leaving before we ever actually lived as a married couple. After the way he spoke to me this morning when I asked a question about our Taxes (something that affects both of us) and was told that it was none of my business I had this moment of clarity that was like "I don't want to be treated this way, or talked to this way ever again." So, enough was enough and I'm readying myself to file for a divorce on Monday.
I am currently trying to get some insight into the divorce process? I know it varies by state and stuff.. Any advice or insight would be really helpful and very much appreciated!!
Re: Divorce process advice needed..
Wow. This is hideous --- document everything, including what he said about choking you. I don't think that was a rhetorical statement.:(
He is in the military. Ask on the Military board about this; you may or may not have to procede in a different manner -- stay away from him in the meanwhile.
This may even be cause for an annulment. You haven't seen him in over a year and you are married 14 months. Good luck.
I don't have any advice, but thought I'd offer validation. There is no excuse for the way he has been treating you. The threat of physical violence is enough to make the decision to walk away.
How long did you two date before you got married?
Not entirely true. A divorce is a divorce - you file the same paperwork, and military lawyers refer this stuff out to civil divorce attorneys. Though there are definitely separate considerations for people who are employed by the military, she'd be able to reach out to the JAG attorney on base for that information. I think she's asking for general divorce support and suggestions from others who have gone through it.
Several military divorcees have posted on these boards and suggested asking the MN board about divorce because there are some issues that are different when dealing with the military. I was merely relaying the information.
Generally it's better to ask someone who is more specialized in an area of law rather than assuming that all bases would be covered by a garden variety matrimonial attorney. Since the OP was asking about information regarding the process, that was my suggestion. The OP can take it or leave it. I wasn't looking to get into a substantive debate about the intricacies of divorce proceedings.
Your guess is as good as mine! She's a pound puppy. We're pretty sure she's got some long haired dox in her, and we think also terrier, but I just know she's all cute and love.
And I wasn't trying to ruffle feathers - some people really think the whole thing is different with the military, like it isn't the same paperwork and the same legal system. Like you said, there's definitely different considerations, but I believe this poster was looking for more general advice related to the process, etc. as others mentioned.
I want to spread her on a cracker and eat her up, she's so damned cute!
OP,
When I divorced XH, my JAG atty was able to get me a command protective order (so advise them of threats) and spousal support prior to my civilian court date. It was immensely helpful, but that atty can't get you divorced. It sounds like you'll have a fight on your hands since it sounds like he doesn't want to share basic financial info with you. My divorce took a long time, but I got spousal support for months ordered by civilian court. It really helped get me on my feet and I was so glad for it. Go get your freedom!!
Lurker here, I was in a similar situation.
Talk to JAG. They will get things started militarily wise, but they will not represent you in court, so you will need to hire a normal attorney. If you have an FRG leader or a key caller, talk to them too, they will help you as well in regards of getting you going in the right direction.
JAG will help you get an allotment set up per your H's pay grade and you will have that finical support till the divorce is final. The divorce proceeding will go by the state and county you live in. As long as he isn't deployed there shouldn't be a hold up on the divorce.
The post where I was at, the first spouse who sought out JAGS help was able to keep talking to them. The other spouse would need to seek out another JAG office. One office can't help the same couple in a divorce.
A military protective order is good as well if you need to get it. However, it is only enforceable by the MP's on post. You will need to get an additional protective order off post so that civilian cops can enforce it as well.
If there is an ACS on post, I would recommend you talk to them, since abusive behavior is evident. They can help guide you through this.