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If you had to choose...
Who is the worse person in this situation?
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My DS's friend (16) called yesterday and asked if he could stay with us for a few days. He was terribly upset. We don't know his mom and step-dad very well, but they seemed to be nice people. Bio-dad is an alcoholic and not in the picture. This couple also have two younger children together. Yesterday morning the teen was woken up by his step-dad, who told him he was leaving them and didn't know when/if he would be back. He had just gotten off of work (night-shift) and arrived home. He took the boy down the hall to the master bedroom and showed him the reason why. He pulled the blanket off of his sleeping naked wife and the naked other man in the bed with her. Then he left them all.
The boy's mother was hysterical. She had went to a bar with a female friend the night before while her DH was at work and proceeded to get plastered. Now she is claiming she was drugged by this man. I don't know any other details about how he came to be there or how he left, but this is such a mess. I wish people would think of the possible consequences before they did something this devastating. Even if it's true the woman was drugged and then raped, she had no business being in a bar while her DH was at work or putting her sleeping children at risk by bringing this strange man into her home. I'm not saying she deserved to be raped. I am not blaming the victim here, if she is indeed a victim. But she did and should not have put herself at risk in that kind of situation. I would never go to a bar and drink without my DH or someone I absolutely trusted to look out for me. My DS (18) even said this to me. He made the comment that he knew I would never put myself at risk like that.
This kid is so devastated. He loves his step-dad who has raised him since he was a toddler. Sixteen yr old boys don't usually cry in front of their friends or their friend's parents. But this boy sat in my living room and just bawled. I just wrapped him in my arms and let him cry it out. Such a damn mess.
Re: If you had to choose...
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
If we are choosing between the mother and step-father, then ITA. That was incredibly sh!tty of him to do.
Although the mom is a big ole hor, the stepdad took the additional step to ruin this kid for life. WTF?! If he was a decent person, he would've left the mom, told the kid it had nothing to do with him and figured out a way to continue a relationship with him (visitation, whatever). Instead, he FORCED that poor kid to see something he'll never be able to un-see and put him smack dab in the middle of HIS marital issues.
The mom is a piece of shyt, but the stepdad took it another step past complete heinousness.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
There is plenty of ugliness to go around.
(and I don't think that most drug-the-victim rapists stick around for a post-coital nap, so I vote for mom being a 'ho)
The step-dad. You don't scar a kid like that just to make a point.
Also, in the off chance that the mom really was drugged, then the person judging her for being drugged is also a bad person.
And the mom for being irresponsible and her friend for not watching her back.
Everyone is bad.
Everyone is bad in this situation: the stepdad, the mom, the writer of this.
FWIW, I'm side-eyeing the hell out of the opinion that a woman should not be able to go to a bar without her husband.
I vote the stepdad. He took his marital problems out on the kid by showing him why he was leaving. That kid should never have been involved at all and to show him that was just irresponsible.
Yes, the kid's mother isn't a saint by any means, but his stepdad did it to be mean and hurtful and he accomplished his goal it seems.
I do have a softspot for teenage boys (and not in the creepy kind of way, but in a way that I know just how vulnerable they really are even though they try to appear tough).
I think the step-dad did a douche-tastic thing for sure. I guess I can understand it though- imagine the shock and the anger that he was feeling at that moment.
I really side-eye the mom though. It is possible that she was raped, but I don't know that rapists stay for breakfast.
What? A woman can't leave her 16 year old home alone (with or without younger kids) while she goes out?
All are wrong. The step-dad is particularly bad for bring the kid into it. But what the mom did certainly isn't right.
And not because she went to a bar with a friend.
ETA My response Assumes that she chose to bring a random man home with her. If this was not by choice, then there is no question about who is worse in this situation.
The stepdad. At best, he brought the kid into the middle of his mom's marital infidelity. At worst, he humiliated her in front of her child after she was raped.
A woman isn't allowed to go to a bar by herself? AYFKM? Next you'll tell me it was her fault for wearing a skirt.
I lean this way.
Is this a true story?
The step-dad for sure.
I don't think she was drugged, why would he sleep there? C'mon!
The stepdad is a total douchebag for having his teenage stepson see his mother naked in bed with another man. I need more information to determine if she's as big a douchebag as he is, but a PP mentioned that a rapist usually doesn't stick around for breakfast so...I'm going to guess they're both douchebags.
That poor kid though. You can never un-see your mom naked in bed with some random stranger. His stepdad is such a d!ck for dragging him in to see that.
Everyone's pretty bad here. Dad absolutely should not have brought the kid into it. Mom is wrong if she wasn't drugged for bringing a strange man home where her kids were and cheating.
The person who wrote that is disgusting in their "I don't blame the victim but I blame the victim for daring to go out alone! I bet she wore pants too!" justifications and judging.
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The stepdad. What a complete assshole. I cannot believe he did that to that kid.
I coulndt get passed...a woman shouldnt go out while her H is at work. Really?
This.
Mom is not a winner, but JFC, poor kid.
Not without a chaperone!
The worse person is by far the step-father. No matter the situation, no matter your feelings, you SPARE the kids. You do anything to avoid hurting your kids. (or step-kids)
If that was ever a real situation, that step-father is a sick man who never really loved that boy.