Relationships
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Family/Career Poll
a) At what age did you (or do you plan to) have kids? How many?
b) How did you (or what is your plan to) work career stuff around kid having
c) Would you do anything differently if you could go back?
tippinch) How the hell do people find time to do all this? Dammit.
Re: Family/Career Poll
b) How did you (or what is your plan to) work career stuff around kid having? H and I are both going to work, and the kid will go to daycare. There really wasn't a whole lot of career stuff to work out. I'm sure it's going to be hard, but having someone stay home just isn't financially possible right now (or in the foreseeable future). Plus, neither of us really wants to stay at home full time. Is that what you're asking? I'm not sure I answered this correctly.
c) Would you do anything differently if you could go back? I wish I traveled more when I was younger, but that's kind of in the same category as "I wish I was rich, and looked like Jens". Life's not perfect, but I'm pretty happy with how things are going.
tippinch) How the hell do people find time to do all this? Dammit. I have no idea. I'm scared of all of the work involved in all of this.
Baby Boxer is coming! 5.23.12
www.focushunting.com
a) At what age did you (or do you plan to) have kids? How many?
Maggie was born 3 months before I turned 30. I was 31 when O was born.
b) How did you (or what is your plan to) work career stuff around kid having
I worked part time for the first 3 years of parenting. We couldn't afford for me not to, so I was okay with it. I thought I wanted to stay home full time when I first became a mom..but I've been at a new job 3/4-full time for almost 10 months and I love it.
It was awesome to have time home with my kids while they were tiny/breastfeeding/not sleeping well, but now I can't fathom being home with them all the time, as much as I love them. I need my own career and life and things that I find make me feel fulfilled.
c) Would you do anything differently if you could go back?
I maybe would have waited a little bit longer to be married before starting a family, we had only been married 6 months when I got pregnant. But no, not really otherwise.
tippinch) How the hell do people find time to do all this? Dammit.
You just do it! 9 months is a long time to get yourself mentally prepared for parenthood, not that any amount of prep really gets you ready. And as the kids get older, you just evolve and the lifestyle becomes your new normal.
Initally I wanted kids when I was 23 and 25. Then I didn't want them at all. I came back around to wanting kids again when I was 32. If I was to get pregnant today, I would be 35 by the time I delivered. I don't want to decide how many kids to have until I actually have them. I may be content to be one and done; I may want to have another. I do frown upon having more than two kids in this overcrowded world, so if I was to have more than two, it would likely be through adoption or foster care. But who knows? Changing my mind is sort of what I do best.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
If you had asked me in my early 20s, I would have said at least one in the over by the time I was 30, contingent upon meeting someone and getting married of course. Then from 28-30 I was in business school, met my now husband and moved to NYC. From there it was a matter of getting a few months in NYC and jobs under our belt to make sure we really were compatible before we got engaged/married. Then we wanted at least a year of marriage before we tried for kids.
So it ended up that I was 32 when I had my first. Wouldn't change a thing about that timing, although I will say it was a trip to change gears from so many years of trying not to get pregnant, to realizing that it wasn't something that always happened easily and I wasn't going to have perfect control over it. Charting helped a bit. I was definitely worried about my solid gold old eggs.
From a work perspective, it didn't change much. My company is good about work/life/leave stuff. I was flagged as "promotion ready" around the time I let work know I was pregnant. There were a couple of jobs I would have been up for, had I not been headed out on leave. But when I came back, everyone was great, and my job pretty much became focused on finding my next gig and getting my promotion. Only took me 3 months to do it.
Now for number two, the things we wanted: 1) to feel comfortable enough with our financial situation to cover the cost of 2 in daycare (~$3000 in overhead a month around here), 2) to have roughly 3 years between MC and #2, and 3) to hopefully have me up the duff by my 35th birthday.
I don't anticipate my next leave setting me back at all at work.
Mucho likes purple nails and purple cupcakes
a) At what age did you (or do you plan to) have kids? How many? I was 30 when Charlotte was born. I never really wanted kids until she was about 6 months old
She is it, no plans for #2.
b) How did you (or what is your plan to) work career stuff around kid having
I still work full time, and since I am the earner I will be indefinitely. I am not made of the stuff SAHM's have to be, so I would never want to stay home. I am, however, far less ambitious now. When my boss wanted to discuss promotions, I actually told him I have no plans on moving up unless it doesn't cut into my family life.
c) Would you do anything differently if you could go back?
Maybe saved more? Or, I would have waited to buy a house so we could have gotten a bigger one. But really, I am happy with how the cards fell.
tippinch) How the hell do people find time to do all this? Dammit.
Proper planning prevents piss poor performance.
For less then ten cents a day, you can feed a hungry child.
a) At what age did you (or do you plan to) have kids? How many?
I had E when I was 34. He's it. No more. Was set on this before him, I'm 37 and I'm still set on it now.
b) How did you (or what is your plan to) work career stuff around kid having?
I didn't. I assumed I'd stay home or work part-time. But wasn't dead set on anything. We had no real plan for that. I didn't have a "career". I had numerous careers and was working with B in our own company when I had E.
I'm back at work now and am happy about it. He's three and busy as hell. I was happy to have the time home that I did but it really can mess with the dynamic of your relationship. Like I'm happy to have other things to talk about with B besides kid-stuff. I LOVE what I do. I'm happy to be dealing with the public and doing something other than mommy and me classes.
c) Would you do anything differently if you could go back?
With life? No. I left no stone unturned in dating- having dated online for 5 years of being single. 250 dates is a lot of dinners and an extra 30 lbs on me called salmon, dessert and doggie bags. I'd done all the reality tv I needed to. I wish I could've been more famous and had more plastic surgery before being too afraid of surgery (the only fear I have now) since my mom died after routine surgery. Before I had a kid I didn't think about such things.
tippinch) How the hell do people find time to do all this?
I don't know. I guess you just do. I stay up late. And I have a very supportive, helpful husband.
I had my first at 29, have been trying for some time for the 2nd. I'm now 33. Ideally I'd like 3 I think but time is ticking, and we've not been successful so we may just have Jo.
I work in a very pro-family environment. We have flex time, we have personal time and sick time that allows us to take time to meet our kids needs. The first year back was the most difficult in terms of balancing but my child is soooo adaptable and easy now. When I went back to work JO was 5 months old (which is early here) and I was in school part time so the daycare juggle was a drag. But I wouldn't change a thing.
No. There was a time I wish I had waited longer to get pregnant, but now I know if I had, my dad would never have met my little girl. It means a lot that he got some time with her.
TIme? You just do. You become so much better with the little time you have. You stop concentrating on the hours you miss and start making the most of the hours you do have. I have never had any desire to stay at home and still don't, but I do hope I can cut back to a 4 day a week position in the next year. I think that would allow me more flexibility. You know and since I had my kid I've been a better employee. I can't stay every night until the work is done, I need to do it in the time allotted. So I'm more efficient, more organized, and I set more limits and delegate more. Strangely even my performance appraisals got even better after the baby.
Now, throw 2 at me and I might melt but this working mom gig right now is beautiful.
I had always wanted three kids and wanted to have them in my 20's. Then I was in my 20's and knew that I wasn't ready. I ended up having Delilah at 32 and we'll start trying for #2 this summer, so if all goes well I'll be 34 or 35 when the second is born. My husband is 3 years younger than me. Also my husband wants to stop at 2 and right now I'm good with that.
Luckily we have flexible work schedules and have pretty secure jobs. I have every other Fri off and work from home the other Fridays. Delilah is in a daycare right next to my husband's work so he gets to visit her every day at lunch. Having him check on her and play with her a bit during the day gives me some peace of mind. Having her really hasn't impacted our careers at all. My husband actually just got a promotion in Dec. and I'm very happy at the level I'm at right now. Before I got pregnant though I did make sure to do some things I wanted to before I knew I wouldn't have time, like getting my Masters.
And the how is hard to answer, but everything really does just fall into place after a while. You get into a new routine, start re-prioritizing and just do it.
2/20/2011
a) At what age did you (or do you plan to) have kids? How many?
I have Dagger at 34 and with this one I am 36. It will probably be our last. Mr. Winged is 48.
I do think that I thought I would be about this age (which is the same age my mom was) for some reason. i always knew I wanted to be in my 30s.
b) How did you (or what is your plan to) work career stuff around kid having?
I knew I wanted part time last year, so that is what I did. Then I came back full time this year and I will stay full time with the next one. The timing for coming back to work is just better.
c) Would you do anything differently if you could go back?
No.
tippinch) How the hell do people find time to do all this?
It works out. You have a great partner, based on what you say here. That's key. Mr. Winged is the best co-parent I could ever wish for. I can do this because of him.
a) At what age did you (or do you plan to) have kids? How many?
I was 38 when we got married and thought having kids was not going to be in the cards. I changed my mind within a few months, and Ian was born 10 days before my 40th birthday. Ian is my first/our last child.
b) How did you (or what is your plan to) work career stuff around kid having
I took three months off when he was born. My firm generously paid me my full salary while I was on maternity leave, though I didn't get a bonus that year. We do full-time day care, which is a big chunk out of our budget but it works best for us.
c) Would you do anything differently if you could go back?
No.
tippinch) How the hell do people find time to do all this? Dammit.
It takes a village.
a) At what age did you (or do you plan to) have kids? How many?
I was 28 when I had Will and 30 when I had Evie. I think we're done, but if we decide on another it won't be until I'm at least 33 or 34. No way in hell I'm having another baby while Lorne is at this stage of medical school or first year of residency.
b) How did you (or what is your plan to) work career stuff around kid having
My answer is probably not relevant to you, since we put Lorne's career first when we moved to San Diego for him to go to school. As a result, . I was full-time for the first 1.5 years after Will was born, then 3/4 time until almost a year after Evie was born. Now I work at home. Once the kids are at least in kindergarten (holy crap, that's getting soon) I'd like to go back to school for something. Initially I wanted to do library science, but who knows. I sometimes think I want to go back for writing.
c) Would you do anything differently if you could go back?
I don't think so. We were ready for kids, even though Lorne was (is) still in school. Things aren't the easiest right now since he's gone a lot for school, but I'm glad that we had the kids when Lorne was able to stay home with them for a little while. It's not something he's able to do now or will able to do when they're older. I think if we had it to do over again Lorne might have gone to school in Portland instead of here though.
tippinch) How the hell do people find time to do all this? Dammit.
You just do. Things change and you adjust. You keep the things that are important to you and some things that were important to you become less so.
I don't think this can be stressed enough either. It's so helpful to have a partner that can step in when you're frazzled. We both take turns keeping him for the other to go out for me time. We split the duties which makes the idea of two seem much more appealing.
Plus, watching a man play with his kid is one of the sweetest things in the world. I got all sniffly last night listening to them wrestling and playing hide and seek from the other room.
I find this all reassuring.
I can tell Heith has had babies on his mind more lately. Which is mostly adorable. I'm trying to work out where my feelings are at - because I've been thinking that I was just not feeling ready in general, but I'm realizing now that I actually think I am mostly ready - it's just my extremely financially conservative/ plan-y brain that is getting in the way. If I was done my MBA and we had our condo sold and were in a bigger place, I would be all for getting started right away.
Then again, I'm freaked out. I like my life, I don't want things to change. Heith and I have such a good time together and things are so good. But then, that also makes me want to get on the kid train - because if there is one thing that makes me want to have kids, it's Heith. He is seriously going to be the super dad of the universe. Oh ma gah thinking about it makes me heart melt.
I think the plan for us is to start trying after I get back from my study tour next year (May 2013). I'll be 3 months from finishing my MBA, and my travel requirement will be done. I'll have just turned 29. I guess I'm just trying to figure out how I am going to transition out and back in to my career.
Ahh SHADAP. You are one of the best looking people here - definitely winner for best smile.
a) At what age did you (or do you plan to) have kids? How many?
I used to think I wanted kids by 25. My parents are young so I think that factored into that business. But at 25 I realized how dumb that was. Now I would like to have kids by 30 (and it's not that number, it's just that I'd like to have them in the next couple of years).
I want 2, Brett wants 1. It's pretty important to me that my kids have a sibling, so he'll defer to me on that depending on how I handle number 1.
b) How did you (or what is your plan to) work career stuff around kid having
I got into a department a couple of years ago that is kind of the "mommy track" on site. There is a much better work life balance here, and you're able to move up without things like working from home being held against you.
Brett is considering moving to a different show that would allow us to do half days with day care. I would personally rather he not, because I think it would be bad for his sleep/health.
c) Would you do anything differently if you could go back
We haven't taken the plunge yet, so I can't really answer this. It was important for us to have some fun together, just the two of us. I would predict we'll have been married about 5 years by the time we start trying.
It is also really important that stress is limited in other areas and that I'm in a good place mentally since I'll be going off my meds for pregnancy.
tippinch) How the hell do people find time to do all this? Dammit.
So with you on this.we all fall down sometimes
brass and ballet flats
This is something I totally get because I was there. Mr. Winged and I would travel at any time to anywhere we wanted. We went to concerts as much as 3-4 times a month, sometimes more, sometimes less depending on what was in town. We went to 2-3 festivals every year and would throw a random other one in every once in a while.
We still travel and take off to places. It takes a bit more planning sometimes, but not really. We still get nights away. We go to concerts still. Before we went to ones even if we weren't all that into them, so now we are just more choosy. We go to 1 festival every year and Dagger goes with us. Next year, both will. We bought the VIP package to have access to a better area for bathrooms and food.
So, you just adjust. But I think our lifestyle proves that people who say that they can't do it any more, actually don't want to, and are just using their kids as an excuse.
I cannot stand the "oh, we can't go do that because it's Jr.'s naptime. WTF ever. Dagger will nap or he won't. He'll do it in the car, in a carrier or wherever. But we aren't stopping our lives to sit at home every weekend from 12-3 so he can nap in his effing crib.
deleted for duplicate, also i can't remember how GD old i am/was/will be
1. i had alison when i was 30. I am 32 now. we are talking about trying for a second soon, so the youngest i would be when he/she would be born would be 33. we are only planning on 2. i would definitely like it to happen in the next 1-3 years.
2. continued full time working once leave ended. we have plans to eventually move back to the midwest (i'd say it is in our plan within the next 5 years), but we don't know how that, and having a second child, are going to line up in terms of timing.
in basic terms i would do the same thing again (keeping my job). i think it would have been easier had we been closer to our support network. it is hard to do the first time parent thing in a relatively new home, with no family and few friends close enough to be there for you. in my mind i feel like it would be useful to have the kid when we are just transitioning from living here to moving back homeward, but the logistics of such a move are eluding me.
Claire Elizabeth 12/31/2011
Married Bio
No kids yet but..
a) At what age did you (or do you plan to) have kids? How many? We just started trying and I am 30. We plan on having two.
b) How did you (or what is your plan to) work career stuff around kid having I would love to stay at home but there is no chance that can happen so I will wrk full time and we will make it work with daycareand family's help.
c) Would you do anything differently if you could go back? No, I m glad we waited to try and have had time to enjoy each other.
tippinch) How the hell do people find time to do all this? Dammit. No idea but everyone I know makes it work. I agree with having the right partner can make all the difference though.
Yeah, our change in lifestyle is really more to do with Lorne's schedule than with the kids - yeah, we don't go out to bars multiple times a week anymore (or month, really), and we don't go on weekend trips as often as we used to, but that's because of Lorne's hours more than the kids. You can take kids places. In fact, I feel like the more you take kids places and do things with them, the better they'll be about going places and doing things. We've taken both kids on longass overseas flights and aside from a few small (though still embarrassing) incidents, it hasn't been bad. We still take long road trips, we just stop more than we would if it was just us in the car. You can still do stuff if you want to do stuff, it just takes adjustments.
And I'm a big fan of leaving the kids with the grandparents for couples only trips. If Lorne isn't working this weekend we're planning on dumping the kids with Lorne's parents while they're here and having some reconnect time. And it helps the kids have a good bond with the grandparents. And you get to sleep in when no one wakes you up at 6:30 or 7. Win win win. When they're older and Lorne has real vacations and we have money and such, we're planning on longer adult-only trips than the overnight/weekend trips we've done since the kids have been born.
My parents were big on telling us about this. All of their friends who kept their kids away from restaurants, etc. until they were 4-6 had terror on their hands.
And I will say, that last night we took Dagger to dinner and it sucked a bit. He pushes boundaries with me because he knows I cannot physically keep up with him. He insisted for about 5-10 minutes that he wanted to lay and roll on the floor or the restaurant. So, I ended up holding him in an odd restrain and hating my life for about 2-3 minutes, which I admit seemed like the longest 2-3 minutes ever. And then I asked him if he wanted to sit and eat some chips like a big boy or keep being held on his side and he said "chip" and from there, dinner was fine.
It was not the funnest, but he came back to center. And he learned to calm himself in order to get what he wanted.
And at 4, there is no way I could have held him like that.
I can tell you from my whole three weeks of experience that you and Heith can still have a great time together. Tony and I have an even closer bond that's been created by trying to figure this whole thing out together. Don't get me wrong, we've snapped at each other a couple of times but for the most part we just laugh at our mistakes and cheer each other on when we figure something out. Watching your H bond with your baby is HOT.
Just three more weeks and I get to hit that hot man.