Relationships
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Family/Career Poll
a) At what age did you (or do you plan to) have kids? How many? I had my daughter at age 39, and will be having this one at 43.
b) How did you (or what is your plan to) work career stuff around kid having? I worked FT for 19 years before having a baby, and now consider myself "semi-retired." I may freelance someday, but basically have done everything I wanted to do in the work world. My H loves his job and he'll probably be at it for 20 more years.
c) Would you do anything differently if you could go back? 39 is a fantastic time to have a kid. 43, not so much. Exhausting. Plus, I'm not getting rid of this one until I'm 62... that's a pretty huge generation gap in so many ways.
b) How did you (or what is your plan to) work career stuff around kid having? We got lucky with timing so I can take off the rest of the school year and not have to go back until she's about 4 months old and then Bob will take off a few weeks and be home all of September. But after some work stress lately, I'm not looking forward to going back and am thinking of looking for something with better hours and pay.
c) Would you do anything differently if you could go back? I'm happy with the way we did things as far as buying a house first, getting married, enjoying time together, and traveling a bit before having kids.
I love my house but I can't help but wonder if we had gone for something a little less expensive if I'd be able to stay at home.
tippinch) How the hell do people find time to do all this? Dammit. I'll let you know when I (hopefully) figure it out in a few months. Right now I'm trying not to panic.
I know this is kind of late, and we've talked a little about this maybe? I can't remember.
Anyway, I was a month shy of 27 when I had C. We are talking at least 2, possibly 4 if we're crazy. We're talking maaaaaybe 2 years apart, so this summer again, but more likely 3 years apart.
I work full time, as you know, and you probably know that I unexpectedly hate it. I never thought I wanted to be a sahm, and I had a terrible time going back. Lots of guilty feelings, problems pumping, etc. I actually wouldn't mind part time work. Arthur is going back to school right now because he wants to change careers anyway, and he would like for me to be able to work part time or not as I want. But right now I make more, so I am definitely going to be working full time at least until he is done and gets a different job.
I wouldn't necessarily do anything differently. I was in a good place in my career, we were stable, had the house, we could afford full time child care and our other expenses. I had no idea that I wouldn't want to go back full time. We always wanted kids in our mid-late twenties, and it took us a year to get knocked up as you know because of my pcos issues anyway.
tippinch) I can't reiterate enough that having a supportive partner is the key. I couldn't do it without Arthur. He is amazing. I've had so many struggles with breastfeeding and he is my main cheerleader. He is so good with C and is crazy in love with her and it just melts me. Having help in the beginning is also nice. my stepmom helped when she could, but we were mostly alone, and I'm not going to lie - there were some hard times initially.
Caroline 5/15/11
a) At what age did you (or do you plan to) have kids? How many?
Emerson was due two days before my 27th birthday, and I ended up having her 10 days before. I had originally planned to have kids some time in my 30's (when I was younger). Then I married a man who was older than I was (11 years) so timeline became a bit more important. We actually tried for a baby when I was 25ish but it never happened. Then we realized that even though we had the talk and were both ok with having kids didn't mean we had to start right then and there. Skip to a year or so later and I convinced myself I did not want kids and then SURPRISE! We had an Emerson. I swore throughout my pregnancy and months post partum that I was NOT having another. Then when she was about 8 or 9 months I waivered and wanted another. But that passed pretty quickly and now I am back on the "No more, NOT EVER" train. Since I obviously flip flop so much over what I want, we are waiting another year or two before doing anything permanent about the situation, just in case. But I am pretty certain she's it.
b) How did you (or what is your plan to) work career stuff around kid having-
Unfortunately, I quit my long time job and within a week or two of quitting, fell pregnant. I had procured another job working in a psych hospital but then I found out I was knocked up, started getting sick and the job just wasn't the best option for a pregnant person, so I stepped down from the position. I continued to look for work but eventually gave up since no one wanted to hire a pregnant chick. After she was born, I stayed home with her for her first year. I am so happy and feel blessed I was able to do so. Of course, that's not to say it wasn't hard as ***. We were seriously broke majority of the time, but that was our compromise and I wouldn't have traded it for the world. I started working again when she was almost one and am full time. I miss her a lot. And although I don't want to be a full time SAHM, I would like to eventually get down to working on a couple days a week. I couldn't handle her 100% of the time.
But I also do not have a college education. When I graduated high school, I was in the Army and did that for 8 years. Unfortunately, it doesn't help much in procuring a well paying job. Now it's a juggling act of marriage, baby, me time, work and trying to go to school. Heaven help me.
c) Would you do anything differently if you could go back?
Well, I wish my husband and I would have had more time to do stuff that will be harder to do now (travel and such). We can still do it, but like Winged said, it just takes a lot more effort. I really wish I had an education before having her. Now I feel like a loser and not only does it suck to feel like a loser, but it sucks even worse thinking my daughter might grow up to think I'm a loser.
tippinch) How the hell do people find time to do all this? Dammit.
I am going to +1,000,000 to all the mentioning of fantastic partners and supportive families. My husband is ridiculously amazing, and I would have failed a long long time ago if I didn't have him with me. He loves being a Dad and is terrific at it. He is loving, supportive and ridiculously helpful. And props to myself marrying an older man because his mother is older and therefore retired and watches the kid for "free". I have no idea what I would do without my mother in law. She is amazing.
"If you wanna win then you shoulda put a hat on it. Don't be mad when you see a knit cap won it. If you wanna win then you shoulda put a hat on it."- Fenton
The poster formerly known as PDXPhotoGrl
I haven't read any other responses yet.
a) At what age did you (or do you plan to) have kids? How many?
I had Connor at 24. In retrospect, I would have waited, but it's not like it has been a bad choice either really. He's a pretty awesome kid. Ideally I'll have another in 2 1/2 - 3 years.
b) How did you (or what is your plan to) work career stuff around kid having
I think there were short term impacts, but overall, my career hasn't suffered. Taking a few months off out of several years isn't as huge as it seems.
c) Would you do anything differently if you could go back?
I sort of already answered this. I wouldn't have chosen to have a baby immediately after getting married if I could do it again (though, of course, I wouldn't trade Connor for anything in the world). I think if I had waited, I would have realized things were bad with J.
tippinch) How the hell do people find time to do all this? Dammit.
I think you just end up with a new normal. It's totally worth it though.
I had Ben at 31. We are 1 and done.
b) How did you (or what is your plan to) work career stuff around kid having
I did most of my big career moves prior to having Ben. I had to travel a lot (about 95% of the time) and work long hours so I am glad I got it out of the way to be in a comfortable place in my career by the time I got married and had Ben. My career hasn't had any impact from being off for 10 months. My employer and boss focus on work life balance and are accommodating to Mommy type stuff that can arise.
c) Would you do anything differently if you could go back?
I would have taken the full year off and not gone back early.
tippinch) How the hell do people find time to do all this? Dammit.
Wine and just prioritizing what is important.