Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Trouble with marriage
My husband and I have been married a little over 6 months now. I am pregnant with our second child. We have been having some money issues from the expense of the wedding, which his family insisted we have but didn't want to pay for. My husband has a very demanding job, working 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week and he is on call a lot of the time. I have been having some issues with an over involved MIL who is constantly on our case about not making time to go and see her. She is always calling us (multiple times per day) and guilts my husband into doing things he really doesn't have time for. I have been trying to talk to him about it, he claims to see my point, but the same thing keeps happening over and over... HELP!?!?!
Re: Trouble with marriage
This is a husband problem.
He needs to strap a two by four to his spine and stand his ground with his mother if she is demanding so much of his time that it is interfering with his own family time with you.
I just want to make sure you aren't exaggerating how much time he spends doing things for his mom. If it really is only once or twice a week then its NBD, but multiple times a day or week I could see your frustration.
The time to grow up actually occurred sometime before the birth of your first child. I am guessing you missed the memo.
Money issues due to a wedding you didn't want but a third party insisted on? YOUR fault, not theirs.
A MIL who is interfering? YOUR problem, not hers. You set the standard for the limits to which someone is involved in your day to day life. It might take several uncomfortable conversations to get there, but that is part of the gig.
Unless your DH is self employed, he is unlikely to be working 7 days per week 12 hours per day. I suspect exaggeration. But, if he is, then at least that will help with your money issues, no?
Since you are vague about your issues overall, it is hard to offer any suggestions. And, a good likelihood of MUD.
He sees your point but has he talked to her about boundaries yet? In the meantime he should be the one answering her calls, if you're home alone I would not pick up. He should be dealing with this.
The whole wedding thing though is your own fault, you should have said "no" don't do something that you can't afford.
Ok so YOU had a wedding you couldnt afford and blame it on the ILs. you are a big girl and you could have refused....i am assuming your H is an adult as well and also could have refused...not IL's fault, it is you and your H's fault.
did the Il's also force you to have another baby you cant afford?
Learning to say no is your friend. Learn it, use it and love it.
Your MIL can't MAKE anyone do anything. You chose to have an expensive wedding, you choose to answer the phone when she calls, your husband chooses to do what she asks of him.
You and your husband need to set some boundaries. People treat you the way you teach them to. You have taught her that you will always be available.
YOu and he had a problem from the get go: you planned a wedding you and he could not afford.
(the object of the game is to plan a wedding you can afford with the money that is on hand. No loans, no spending out your ass, no going into hock)
He also needs to be a team with you regarding everything. This means standing up to his mother and saying NO.
Don't get the phone if you are not expecting her call. Let it go into voicemail.