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Would you go?
Yes it has only been about 2 weeks since I split from Z. I am definitely not rushing in to another relationship but am truly enjoying myself right now. There is a guy that was once stationed here with my XH. He and I have a quite a bit in common and have been down the same path. He was married before I have personally met his XW who is a female version of my XH. The list of people they didn't cheat would be shorter than the ones they did. The other twist is that his XW and XH cheated with each other and I caught them not knowing that I had until after we had split.
He has been on my fb for about a year now and we've posted differen't things to status updates, pics etc. Then out of nowhere we started bantering back and forth which led to a private message which led to us talking for hours daily. We have no expectations other than enjoying being able to carry on conversations like this and getting to know each other more, as in prior to meeting 6 yrs ago. We are also liking that we can relate to one another in what we have been through. I can talk to him about things I never could talk to Z about and he understands it.
So here is the thing: He is currently stationed in Germany until June. He will be coming here to VA for a few days, then he PCS's to Colorado for a little less than 2 yrs with trips back to VA thrown in the middle. After his time is up he will be back in VA for good working as civilian Military Police for a local post. What started as a joke turned in to a real consideration of going to visit Germany for a couple days to visit. Another couple that were here with us and I was really good friends with will PCS to Germany next week so I can see them too and have a son a yr old than DS. DS will go with me. I have no reservations about him meeting DS because we agreed that if anything we will be great friends. The other couple have yet to meet DS because they have been in Kansas this entire time so I'm excited about them meeting him too. However my mother and sister have voiced their concerns but moreso to the fact that they don't trust my parenting but only because I haven't had him truly on my own since he was born due to living at home. I think they also think I'm just going to be running around a city in a foreign country with a toddler which will not be the case.
The other things coming in to play was that I was born there, have always wanted to go back, I can afford to go and to me this is a once in a life time opportunity because it is just DS and I. Not to mention I have people who are already there than show me around, rather than going yrs later when it's just us with probably different life circumstances. So what do ya'll think? Should I go?
Re: Would you go?
I'm not clear on what your mom/sis are concerned about, is it just that they dont think you can handle ds on your own?
It sounds like a wonderful opportunity! I would definitely go, and being able to show ds another country is a great learning experience for him.
He will be here sometime after June 1st but the opportunity to go to Germany will no longer be there since he will be stateside after that.
When is he coming to VA? I might wait to see him in VA before going to Germany. PLus its COLD there now...
DS already has a passport that I got for him on my own when we went on our cruise to Cayman/Mexico. All I needed was his birth certificate and my custody papers showing I had full custody therefore did not need his signature. XH is not in DS's life at all so he makes no decisions where DS is concerned.
I will be going mid April so it will be slightly warmer.
Then, yeah I say go for it!! Sounds like a great opportunity to go see Germany. I don't think I would pass it up.
I'd stay at a hotel, possibly a night or two with the couple. I have no idea if he'd stay with us or not we will see how things go. He currently lives in the barracks. I have nothing against him staying with us because there is no expectations or pressure from him and I am definitely not one of those parents that has wild and crazy sex with my kid anywhere within earshot of us.
I think so long as you're both clear on the expectations (or lack thereof), then go for it! My motto is never to let a good opportunity or excuse to travel go to waste!
Same here, especially while I'm young enough to enjoy it
Possibly but we're just taking it a day at a time but want to stay friends even if we can't be a couple. Definitely want to go for a vacation and see where I was born. DS is 3.5 and the total travel time is 15 hrs with a layover of less than 3 hrs. I can entertain him in that time span especially since its not like a car ride where I can't attend to him. He has a tablet that he can bring to entertain him for the trip. Going without him is not an option.
Personally I would not take my son at that age on a flight that long
I say go for it! It sounds like a great opportunity to reconnect with old friends and have some fun. I just wouldn't let him stay with you and your son at the hotel. Even though it sounds like you both just want to be friends, you don't want to put yourself in a position where one thing leads to another.
Hmmmm. This a tough one. Is it really just a couple days? I personally would not spend all that $$$ and time spent traveling for just a couple days..even if I was excited about seeing a new potential love interest.
And the "even if we just become good friends" is a cliche Jaks. It is more than OK to proclaim on this board that you are excited for this guy and hope you have some awesome chemistry. We will be excited for you.
Thanks, I'm also trying to not to set myself up for disappointment in that dept. I also just really want to have some fun and really want to the opportunity to see Germany since I've always wanted to go back, since moving here when I was 2. I would leave on a wed, get there thursday morning then fly back monday afternoon and sleep most of Tuesday. I found plane tickets for under $500.
I guess I'm going to have to be the lone dissenter here. Coming from a mom, I would not expose my child to a guy who I was interested in so early on. Especially to take him on a trip to another country and possibly have the guy stay in the same room with you and your DS.
I know you say that you two want to be friends even if things don't work out for you as a couple, but be honest with us. You want things to work out. You like this guy. Don't drag your DS into this so soon.
I'm with your Mom and Sis. You shouldn't go. Wait til he comes back to the states and see him then. Without your DS.
ETA: You just broke things off with Z and were so adamant that you were going to take this time and focus on the two of you. I say stick with that plan, continue to keep in touch with this guy and see what happens down the road.
This. I probably wouldn't go just because it would only be for a short amount of time. It's tough to justify going half way around the world, especially with a little one (I know how difficult travel with them can be) for just a few days, and not knowing what will come of it.
I'd vote for going but NOT taking DS, if that was an option, or not going at all. Just my two cents. It's a lot harder when you're a mom to do something like this. If you were just single and not a single mom it could be considered crazy and romantic and spontaneous. Unfortunately when you become a parent that all usually goes out the window.
You aren't the lone dissenter.
OP, weren't you just posting recently about how stressed you were about money? Where is the money for this trip going to come from?
Also, I agree with turtle. It's way too early for your ds to be around a guy you may be interested in. How much do you actually know about this guy besides the fact that he was stationed with your x and his xw and your xh had an affair? Do you want to possibly find out bad things about him in a foreign country with your very young child?
And how's the timing of this work with ds' school? With you closing and moving into your new house? With your job and school?
Seriously, I think going would be a huge mistake.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I was stressed with money but Z also had me paying for most of our dates, and it was quite stressful because of the house because I have to keep everything at a certain balance. Savings has to have the right balance to look good, credit cards under a certain limit, everything has to be picture perfect. My house will be closed on by then and will open up tremendous wiggle room in my budget/stress. I also came in to a lot of money over the month or so.
I know quite a bit about him having actually spent quite a bit hanging out with him and I will also be hanging out with this couple that I was incredibily close with as they are with this guy.
DS is only 3.5 and is not in school. He is in a daycare with that is a learning facility which is why I don't have to worry about preschool. He is already learning things they teach in 1st grade. Work is fine because I have enough PTO by then and I'm attaching it to a weekend.
I am taking this time, I'm still in counseling. I'll be moving in my house and being on my own. One of the good things about him being so far away now and when he gets back stateside is that he won't be up my butt like having someone here did. I can still go, do, grow without having to see someone on a daily basis.
i wouldn't go.
it does sound fun and like an amazing opportunity, but...
1. you are only go to be there for 3-4 days? not worth it at all.
2. does the other couple know you might come? how do you know they will want to spend all their time with you two? not to be rude, but they may have other plans.
3. what about your house/money issues? i know you mentioned the plane ticket is only $500. is it $500 for your son also? what about food, hotel, tourist attractions?
4. he will be in va in june, right? that's not too far away.
your mind already seems to be made up.
Honestly it sounds like you want to go and your mind is made up so why not just go? I'll never understand someone posting questions on a message board when they already know what they plan to do. You're opening what you're doing up for scrutiny, but forming a rebuttal to any concern that we're bringing up.
So book the tickets already and have a fun time!