Trouble in Paradise
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: so conflicted..
I know you are concerned about the house, schooling, credit, etc. But those can all get better over time. Let go of him & the house. Go to an affordable place for you and your daughter. There are other good schools around I am sure. Your credit can be repaired as well. Dont let these things keep you from doing what you know is right! He is trying to guilt trip you...dont fall for it!
Good Luck!!
Might be a self-soothing thing that he never got out of. Either way, its not something a grown man should be doing. Also, has he done it his entire adult life? If it is new I would worry about his brain function.
Reverting to reptilian or basic instincts can often signal brain damage or even a series of strokes. He needs to stop being a fooking douche & get to the doctor. Tell him that.
Don't let him guilt you back into the marriage, but DO tell him that he needs to see a doctor no matter what you choose to do. Stay strong.
You have to face the fact that your H has serious health issues to face. He chose to live a certain way and now the chickens are coming home to roost. I'm not saying he deserves this by any means, but what did he think would happen?
Also, please try to convince him to see a therapist. You should go to one too. Both of you sound like you could really really use a trained professional to work out major issues in your life. Good luck!
Being that your H is coming off as a manipulative and negligent creep, the fact that no one will love you like that again is a relief. If someone like your H told me no one else would love me like that, I'd think, "Well, thank God for that." He's wielding love like it's a weapon, not an actual emotion he's capable of.
Also, this whole idea that love is something we experience once in a lifetime is a crock of horseshiit. And this idea that your DD won't be loved by some future stepparent is another crock of horseshiit. You know that. I don't know why you're choosing to listen to him, quite frankly. As if he's some all-knowing oracle of the future. That idiot can't even control his diabetes - I wouldn't take life advice from him.
assuming that this isn't MUDdy, when someone threatens to kill themselves, you call the cops. Period and fullstop.
You call, you explain that your soon-to-be-ex is threatening to kill himself. You give his location.
You let a professional evaluate whether or not he's serious.
If he's just playing a game, this usually stops it. If he's serious, this is EXACTLY what needs to happen--it creates a paper trail and gets access to professional help.
oh totally forgot all this.. he also has said that he sees ghosts, spirits, whatever..and that he has an intuition of things.. (im not kidding) and that he has "seen" images, spirits his whole life..This was his reasoning for sucking his thumb.. due to what he has seen. My counselor thinks it is an excuse for the sucking cause he is embarassed.. And that he is manipulating me obviously.. he told me once that he hears a voice saying to save me.. I am just concerned he actually believes that he is seeing these things.. I told him to talk to his counselor ( yes he is seeing one now) and he said why so i have to see a psychiatrist. Im not crazy.
I am wondering if its one, manipulation or two, if the diabetes has done damage to his brain. He gets super weird when its low or real high.. oh and the thumb sucking has been forever.. idk what to think of it.. just think he never learned how to self soothe in other ways
The more I read your story the more your stbxH sounds exactly like that guy I mentioned.
Not to scare you or anything, but the guy made it to 54. He also developed kidney failure -- he was on dialysis the last 3 years of his life --- and that's what lead to his demise.
Your stbxH could also be having problems with his blood pressure, his kidneys and circulatory problems.
I agree with the intensive therapy for you. Somehow you got the idea it was okay to mother a spouse.
OK - and what happens if the "spirits" tell him to hurt you or your child? Because that doesn't seem to be out of the question.
Good troll is good.
It really is time to say goodbye to this unhealthy marriage and his manipulations. And the sooner the better you and your kiddo get out of there.
You said you paid for that house? How, then, do you think you'd lose it? Is his name on the deed?