Military Nesties
LemonLover33
member
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: What happens if you...
This happened to a friend of mine. Nothing happened to her ex-H. Isn't that nice to know?
Dammn. I was hoping his ass would at least get in trouble. He already is *probably* getting an article 15.
E's comment is it depends on the command. Gosh Lemon I hope you're okay and that he gets in some sort of trouble for breaking the order.
LOL. That's why I called him stupid and patted him on the head.
Here's my cautionary tale, since I realized after posting this isn't likely a hypothetical "what if"
She had a really shitty situation. The guy was supposed to notify her if he was coming by (navy, so his stuff was still at their house since they filed while he was at sea), and be accompanied. He showed up without calling, alone, and with a weapon. She reported him. The person she spoke with said he hadn't signed out.
Later they called back and said, oh, yeah, we totally knew where he was, he followed proper protocol, blah blah covering up. I forget how they justified the weapon.
At a later date, he came by and raped her, she ended up pregnant. She was finally able to get away from him, got his parental rights terminated, and is now in a happy ending great marriage, the guy adopted the 2 kids.
All that to say, please be safe, LL, and try to involve civilian military if you can. My friend's story really shook me (and this was years ago, long before I even started dating H)
This.
I have no idea how they (whoever "they" are) handle this, but I want you to be safe. You have roommates right?
I know that it sucks, but finishing school is not worth your life. Maybe you should go back to your mom if you feel that he is capable of doing something like that.
I know that it sucks, but finishing school is not worth your life. Maybe you should go back to your mom if you feel that he is capable of doing something like that.
I know that it sucks, but finishing school is not worth your life. Maybe you should go back to your mom if you feel that he is capable of doing something like that.
I know that it sucks, but finishing school is not worth your life. Maybe you should go back to your mom if you feel that he is capable of doing something like that.
Is your work aware of what is going on? Do you guys have a panic button that alerts the alarm company to call the police? If not make sure that the local police department number is near all of the phones in your work. Have phrase that everyone in the office knows means we need to call the police. We have one in our office because we had an incident that was cause for concern, it needs to be something that doesn't seem out of place. For instance ours is "Can you please go get E.N.'s file for me" which is my dad's name and he is not a patient in our office.
I really hope you stay safe Lemon.
Shirt was called already and she said she would take care of it. And she got my whole story down. So, I was wondering what "taking care of it" would involve.
She may take care of "it" but you need to take care of you.
I agree with your mom. School is hardly worth this. You can take a leave of absence, maybe do some independent coursework. You should be able to talk to some sort of student advocate at your school to come up with some sort of solution.
Nearly half of ER visits by women are due to domestic violence. 30% of homicides (of females) are domestic violence related. I don't say that to scare you, but the reality is that the risks are high.
I can't say whether a phonecall or email would make me feel nervous; it may very well be a drunken lapse that never escalates. It is a much bigger barrier to show up in person rather than communicate from a distance. Only you can judge how you feel about it. But, unpredictable isn't a good sign, and I think you know that since you're here asking about it.
Just please try to think about "do I feel safe" when making your decisions, not "will he win?" or "what about school?" Those things just don't matter.
The only way "He wins" is if he succeeds in hurting you. Please take care of yourself and don't become some statistic. There is a fine line between being brave and being foolish. Leave if you feel threatened. You don't deserve to live like this.
From my experience being a Victim's Advocate in the civilian world, if a no contact order is broken the person breaking it usually just gets a slap on the wrist the first couple of times (unless what they have done is violent or you have proof of threats made).
Keep any texts/calls/messages if he makes them to you. If he is outside your residence take a picture to show the MPs. I'm sorry you are going through this, do what you can to keep yourself safe.
I think the command would take it more seriously if they are the one who issued to no contact order. Also I'm sure the nature of the vm will be a big determining factor. Did he threaten you in it? Just definitely make sure you save every shred of evidence you can.
And I definitely agree with everyone else that nothing is more important than your safety. If you are at all concerned, just pack up and go stay with your mom. Talk to your professors and advisor about your options at school. Maybe they will be willing to let you finish the class online, or limit how often you have to come.
Took the words right out of my mouth.
Regardless of what you eventually decide to do, make an appointment to talk to your department chair tomorrow in case you do need to take a leave of absence. Don't go to a university administrator first--their priority tends to be the university's bottom line and policies. Department chairs, in my experience, are far more likely to care about individual students in their programs and can help you sort through any red tape you encounter if you need to leave suddenely.
Take care of yourself!
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LittleL 8/10/07
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Are there safety measures that you could take, short of staying with your mom? Do you have funds to stay in a hotel or to rent a car?
Please keep us posted. We are here for you.