Sex & Romance
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Porn=Bad?
I've been studying sexuality in one of my courses at school. I'm curious, after a lecture today, do you consider porn unhealthy for your sex life? The argument presented by the professor was that it creates unrealistic expectations. Another student argued that it messes with your arousal, and that you begin to need to be artifically aroused. I don't really know where I stand. Thoughts?
Re: Porn=Bad?
Heck no I don't. I've watched it with a partner because we both found it stimulating. Every now and then we'll put it on and play along, or just keep it in the background. I view it by myself because I like the visuals sometime during my "alone time". Do I need it? No. But I enjoy it.
I think there are people who let it get problematic, sure. However, every person I've been with has watched porn, and no one needed it to get intimate. Everyone was also perfectly fine with the fact that I'm not bleach blonde, tan and totally hairless with DDD's. In my experience, it's been something that spiced up our sex life a bit...
Yes. I think it overemphasizes the visual, in terms of arousal, when in reality there's a lot more going on. Now, I suspect it would be harmless in a completely different society, where there's no beauty myth and a completely different attitude toward sex in general, but in this society? Yes, I think it's harmful.
edit: And as far as unreasonable expectations go, look down a few posts at the guy suggesting that girl on girl would be great for their marriage and her self-esteem. You know damn well he didn't get that idea, or the whole weirdo blurring between fantasy and actual human connection, from watching Wonder Pets.
The unrealistic expectations that were argued were basically, like, someone watches porn, and expects their partner to look, act, perform the same way. I know I had a partner who would compare my breasts to that of a porn star's artificial ones, asking why my boobs were strange looking. I don't necessarily agree with a blanket statement that porn always creates unrealistic expectations, but I can see their point.
Natural arousal=no need for outside stimulation, ie. toys or films. I think this is a heap of bologna. Who cares how you get off? People get hung up on having to rely on your partner alone to orgasm. This wasn't a fact, this was the student's opinion, that they argued with what they thought sounded like facts.
I do consider it unhealthy and I do think it creates unrealistic expectations. I will not be in a relationship with someone who uses porn. (I was completely upfront about that when I met my husband)
To even suggest there is something wrong with porn people label you a prude and insist that your husband/boyfriend must be watching it behind your back. (and that if you don't agree with it it's because you are just jealous of the women/want to be like the women in the porn)
I think society in general creates unrealistic expectations of women and unfortunately I don't see that getting any better. (Porn just takes it to another level)
I understand many people love to watch and many people are ok with it BUT there are also many who are harmed by it.
EDIT I am not suggesting we make it illegal or anything like that but to answer is Porn bad for my sex life that would be yes.
I don't watch porn, because the majority of it really turns me off. And FI watching porn definitely hurts our sex life. He is not able to finish easily and will occasionally ask things of me that are not okay. He will act like he knows what turns me on better than I do. When he gets the blood back up in his brain, he apologizes because he rationally knows he was wrong. And when it's been awhile since he's watched porn, our sex life is as good as it can be and we don't have any of the issues we have when he watches porn.
Erotic literature on the other hand is great for us.
Ugh. There's nothing worse than an inexperienced guy who thinks he knows what he's doing because he has watched a lot of porn.
Me(24)DH(31)
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"Severe truth is expressed with some bitterness.
2012 Reading Challenge
Masturbation is fine and great, consuming or participating in things that are an active part of what sucks in our society is less so.
So, if someone isn't ok with porn it means their husband/girlfriend doesn't get alone time and isn't able to masterbate? Or that they aren't allowed to have the porn. This doesn't make sense. Porn isn't necessary for "alone time".
I assume you weren't actually talking about me and you probably aren't meaning things the way I took it but I had to comment because this is another assumption made when someone says they don't agree with porn or that it's unhealthy. (people assume you have forced your husband not to watch or that he secrets really wants to)
I am not ok with porn as part of my relationship and I am upfront about this. It's not a question of "allowed" or "not allowed". We discussed this and many other things before we even dated and agreed on things we wanted and didn't want in life and in a relationship. Why does it have to be that one person isn't "allowed", sometimes it's a mutual decision and sometimes neither even likes it. There are men out there who don't like porn.
Would you care if he mowed the lawn instead of having sex with you? Would you care if he played basketball instead of having sex with you? Would you care if he took a nap, or ate a pizza, instead of having sex with you?
Whenever he isn't having sex with you, he is doing something else instead.
Although I would be concerned if he's rather do chores than have sex with me.
You know, I actually think this thought process is a product of societal pornification, too. I've noticed that for a lot of people, sex is approached as a sort of amped-up masturbation (which is where, IMO, a lot of problems as far as expecting that sex = acting out fantasies come in). When that's the perspective, whether it's one party approaching things that way or both, masturbation ends up being treated as a hassle-free substitute for sex.
This has nothing to do with porn, but why does he have to involve you in EVERY orgasm? Maybe he wants more orgasms than you. Maybe he doesn't want to get YOU off, but doesn't want to just use you, like a recepticle? Why shouldn't he be free to choose? Maybe he just feels like masturbating. What's wrong with that? It's his tool.
You can masturbate whenever you want to. You own your body. He owns his. Why should anyone else have complete control over another persons orgasm?
I'd like to hear more about this. Can you explain what you mean by this?
wow, I love this conversation. You ladies are very insightful.
I don't have much to add other than I'm struggling with this dilema right now. I found out my dh is watching porn when I'm at work once or twice a week. He works nights and sleeps during the day. When he wakes up, apparently he is horny LOL Honestly, I am a little hurt. The conflict is that I've always thought that I am pretty liberal when it comes to sex, I won't say no to much and we've watched porn together before and I've watched it by myself. So why am I jealous that he's using it for masterbation? I guess part of me wants to be the one in control of his orgasms. Although I think it is harmless (we still have sex pretty regularily) I can't help but feel like its replacing me. I really wouldn't mind doing it more often! Another part is that seeing the type of porn he watches made me aware of a fetish I didn't know he had. And I do not fit the characteristics of the fetish, so I feel slightly not good enough for him.
He's just enjoying himself and I shouldn't take it personally. I'd be a huge hypocrite if I said I didn't do the same thing, just not as much as him I think
I talked about it with him once and he got pretty defensive and embarrassed so I'm not going to do that again. Plus I don't want him to think I was looking for it on purpose just to catch him. It just popped up in the internet history. I think this is just something I need to work out in my head because a lot of it is more about my self-esteem. I know I won't forbid it, I don't think thats fair. Maybe I should just never look at internet history because ignorance really is bliss? LOL
About your question, I do wonder if it messes with arousal. I think its possible. I think you can condition your brain to work one way so if you watch porn every time you want to get off, it could become an addiction.
sorry to ramble, just my thoughts.
Violet Mae born 1/15/13
And no, it doesn't have to do with porn, but someone asked if people that are against porn are against their SO masturbating. And I said I wasn't. So if people would stop twisting my words, I would appreciate it.
I don't understand how masturbation is amped-up sex, how that would work. Can you explain what you mean by that, how one person solo fantasizing is the gold standard, and human connection and interaction is something that is to imitate that as closely as possible?
This is exactly what you said. Nobody twisted your words.