Military Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Re: BBgurl
Jilly seems really concerned about making it known that she didn't act alone. Since I am not trying to avoid my involvement, I have no problem saying I was another one who was unfortunately really upset about the constant AW'ing and BS from hotmess1. That certainly does not make what happened ok. But I am glad we are rehashing all of this for the 45839285932532 time. I (JKICIAR) knew she was going to contact him (from a fake fb account not an e-mail, not that it matters but this is who details begin to get skewed) and didn't say stop. We BOTH apologized because it was wrong and meant it sincerely. Although, apparently apologies are only acceptable from some people. While there are others who don't even have to apologize for their horrendous shiit on this board. But I don't even want to get into that.
FTR, my other name was not banned for all of this. I just wanted a new name for fun. I actually consider going back to posting from that because I miss my post count.
Regardless of what anyone else says, J wasn't just banned because of this. Yes it may be the reason the Nest finally got rid of her but there are people whose sole goal of lurking around here is to sniff her out and continue to report her. That is undeniable, and it is pathetic. Move on.
Also, I guess I forgot that person X's bad behavior made person Y's ok. Nobody is saying bbg is the only one ever to do this crap, it's just those people weren't the topic of this post.
I changed my name
My intent in saying that wasn't to call you out, per say. It was more... in defense of bbg...?... I guess I could say. Like, its brought up a lot as if she was a lone ranger doing this all on her own, which wasn't the case. Not trying to start drama with you, or her, or even smiles, I just felt like since others were involved, they ought to be mentioned along with her, too, KWIM?
I changed my name
I understand what you are saying but when it all went down, I was not trying to hide from being aparty to it just because I didn't send the message. Infact when some people tried to give me a pass on the board or in private, I continued to admit my own guilt in the situation. I have never tried to hang her out to dry EVER. So if you feel like that, I guess I don't see why. And I'm surprised you're the one acting in defense of bbg now?
This was posted overnight when I was asleep and hadn't seen it otherwise I would have jumped in sooner when LL posted her version of what happened.
I regret EVERYTHING that happened. I honestly do. And my apology was and is still sincere. Bottom line.
But, again, as much as I want it dropped...everyone needs to stop pretending that this was the only reason BBg was banned. And subsequent names banned. Then she got called out for ban dodging yet, there are others who post occassionally or lurk who are guilty of the same. This goes back to day 1 with bbg and some old regulars. Period.
I wish everyone would accept her apology.
Oh FFS. I was the effing moderator and I reported to the nest gods what I had to, as I did with the lick thing and other people who get crazy. Some of those times there was literally like ZERO interaction from the nest gods at the time, because they were dealing with a lot of turnover, so maybe results y'all would have liked weren't produced. I never did have a personal vendetta against bbg, and when I reported the problem, I linked the posts, and yes, I mentioned your involvement as well. The nest people banned who they thought they should ban. There's also the fact that there was not one report on the reporting forum about Ojo, but copious reports on bbg, and repeated ones at that- which the nest gods see.
What should I have done differently?
I changed my name
Look, I'm sorry if I come off as snotty or defensive. I just hate to relive it, yet again. I realize people have the right to say what they will as it was a huge issue. I respect that. But, I lost a few friends and shed tears over the situation as stupid as that sounds so I just don't feel like going back there.
I wish bbg would (could) come back and we could be all 2nd chances and peace and love, man.
This is why I brought up the example of other people behaving in similar ways. Hotmess1's info was readily available through all her posts just like Lick's information was available through her blog. In both examples though, people went outside the realm of information provided by both to firm up their cases. And just because there is no real confirmation that Lick's situation wasn't taken a step further doesn't necessarily mean it wasn't. And Lick's situation isn't the only example. Look at the SDSU debacle...people used access to military databases to find out more about her lies.
Like Mary, people had a stick up their ass about BBG from the get go and this justified the vilification she received.
Nothing, I didn't suggest you should do anything differently. But I wasn't trying to sidestep my involvement as you were suggesting. That is all.
See thats the thing, though. I wasn't suggesting YOU were sidestepping involvement. I was saying OTHER people were acting as if bbg had acted alone. You've not once denied your involvement, and I wouldn't say otherwise.
ETA I didn't use your name on purpose. I *wasn't* trying to villify you or anything. I just wanted to point out other people were involved, if you wanted to come out with it, I figured you would, and you did.
I changed my name
Fair enough.
I just have 2 things to say.....
1) Why did you even start this thread if you didn't want any drama. You know darn good and well that drama is exactly what was going to come out of this post.
and
2) Why on earth are we rehashing this for eleventy billionth time? No, the board is not the same as it used to be, but that is the ebbs and flows of TN.
Let's move on.
Missed M/C 11/5/2010 @ 5 weeks, 3 days* D&C 12/3/2010 at 9 weeks, 3 days
Dude Dr. Pepper all over my work screen.
Styme you took the words right out of my mouth.
I feel like people are bringing the dead horse back to life just to beat it over and over again. Lets just stop.
Can either of you tell me that had real life ramifications? That Ojo contacted a prosecutor or the police? No. You can't because she didn't and wouldn't have. She exposed someone who was lying to the board on the board. Just like SDSU.
Didn't she google someone's location and post a picture of it on here? Like, an actual photo of their house. Trying to teach them about PERSEC and what not. That's not creepy or wrong???
Yes. It is creepy. I remember that. She had her H's full name in her SN. Someone said, "you should get rid of that". She said, you can't do anything with a name. A map was posted, for less than a minute, before it was DD'd, of their location before the poster realized it was creepy and wrong, and PM'd the person instead. How many times was something posted to illustrate PERSEC that was creepy and wrong, was pointed out as creepy and wrong, and it was DD'd and PM'd. A lot of us did that. Remember being Google geniuses?
And Ojo googled Z (Mr. Lick). She found HIS posts on public mil boards talking about what he did overseas, and his ribbon rack. If you/BBG/etc. had googled HM's real name or screen name and found her all like, "I left my husband because I was into S&M and he wouldn't smack me around", fine. BBG wrote someone's H, who was alleged to be an abuser, and it had real life ramifications. Lawyers knew about this stupid thing.
Also, no one who JKC or others thinks lurks here does. BBG made a board altering mistake, and while I don't think she should be, like life ruined over it, she has found a home on other online communities, which I think is great, hopefully learned from her mistake, and moved on. I report BBG every time she's on here, and I ask other people to do the same sometimes, because I don't want a board that allows her back. So, K, if you want to call someone pathetic, I'm at the front of the line I guess.
And to me, it doesn't matter who else was involved. I have no problem with JKC, SMW, Red, or anyone else who was involved in the smellout. None of you wrote M or whatever his name was, and that was what crossed the line.
Message from BBGurl:
I think it's sweet that Smiles wrote this but do agree that it just creates an unavoidable debacle, regardless of the nice intent behind it. I'm also really flattered that some people "miss" me and that others continue to defend me in this.
Honestly, that incident happened a year ago (March of last year). I joined MN in August of 2009 and had issues here from the beginning. Some people always had it out for me (like some have stated) and those people went out of their way to continue reporting me and twisting certain facts into, well... not exactly accurate story telling.
All that being said, I can and will say that I regret what I did. Not right away, because my pride wouldn't allow me to get past what I believed to be true or not. The DV was a hot topic issue for me. I grew up in that and given the history and past fabrications by the OP of those posts, well, it's like Stan said... I took it upon myself to become more involved than was within my rights as a poster of this board.
I sent someone a FB msg and had conversations with them about HM1. I realized long after the fact that what I did could have had serious consequences.
However, it wasn't cyber stalking and I really would prefer it wasn't worded as such (considering the person shows up under "people you may know").
Either way though, I shouldn't have done it. Shouldn't have cared enough to do it but in some ways, I'm grateful to have made a mistake like that on a message board instead of IRL with people that actually matter to me and/or know me.
I think that our personalities can be a little different online. We sometimes take things too far because of that feeling of anonymity and don't really think about what our words and actions do here or how they can translate into real life.
I feel bad that some people feared their safety with me on the board but I understand why. If I was looking at it from an outside perspective I would've thought anyone who did what I did was a psychotic ***. Hell, I think plenty of things some people have done here are for the birds, but that's beside the point.
Fact is- what I did was shitty and beyond my rights as a stranger. Minding your business is truly a great thing. Learning to walk away or turn the other cheek are great things to do as well.
Everyone knew HM1 was an AW. No denying that. I should've just blocked her but I was so engulfed by this board that I had rage goggles on. I sorta just snapped. My behavior was ugly.
My feelings of that person are irrelevant. The motivation behind my actions are irrelevant because what I did was wrong. I accept that and I accept the repercussions of my actions.
I only say all this because I didn't want anyone to think that I was sitting on some sort of mental throne where I refuse to admit wrong doing. I actually feel really bad about it but I've moved on.
Yes, I'll occasionally lurk here but truthfully my life is very busy. I have responsibilities and things that take up my time too much to even care whether or not I can post here anymore. I miss having conversations about a wide range of things and I miss some of the personalities on here but it's exhausting to create a new sn only to have people continue to report it so I gave up. I'm still fond of many of you and miss being on here with you.
I hope some of you can look past your distaste for me and know I'm being honest about my feelings. I'm sorry to HM1 too. I shouldn't have done what I did and I hope she can forgive me someday.
xx,
Jo (BBGurl)
I don't know why you're so intent on painting the picture that others were involved. Leave SMW and I out of it. We had no involvement other than sticking up for someone we care about, like what you're doing now.
Jo, I can honestly say this is the first apology I've seen you make that truly came across as sincere and genuine, and I appreciate that.
Maybe after this post we have all said eveything that needs to be said, and gotten it all out of our systems? I think that is what is holding us back from moving on and why it keeps getting brought back up, I dont think people bring it up just to beat a dead horse, but because they/we dont feel like it was resolved. So can we move on now? anyone else need to get anything out about it?
I changed my name
I was going to post something similar.
I'm having a difficult time following some of this but I don't see to much difference between being a Googling wizard and posting a picture of someone's home to make the PERSEC point and then DD v. BBG being a Googling/FB wizard and msg Hotmess's H. The only difference is the DD erased the evidence. To say that the first one has no real ramifications is BS. We say it constantly...we don't know who lurks here, only those that choose to post.
To this day the whole Lick situation really rubs me the wrong way and frankly I'm not convinced one way or the other that she was lying. There were people involved in her case that had far more than Google and a message board that I'm sure they would have sniffed out a lie before we did. Their information was readily available online but it was packaged nice and neat by Ojo for everyone to see on the board.
The only difference between the Lick, SDSU, PERSEC, and BBG/HM incidents are the players. I can look past the players in all those situations even though some of them didn't give half (or any) the apology for questionable behavior that BBG did.
FTR, I was not involved in sniffing out her husband. I think I was made aware of the situation after it had taken place but before it had hit the board but I did not and still don't condone it.
Me too. I really appreciate that apology and the sincerity that I truly believe went into it. Thank you for posting that Red.
Hi have you met TN?
Seriously though, this is definitely the most sincere apology I've seen from BBG when it comes to this issue. I appreciate it as well.
Now let's move on and stop beating the damn dead horse already.
Missed M/C 11/5/2010 @ 5 weeks, 3 days* D&C 12/3/2010 at 9 weeks, 3 days