Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Porn=Bad?
You were making it sound like I think no one is allowed to have an orgasm without my permission when I have said multiple times that I have no issues with masturbation and long as it is not replacing our sex life.
MAYBE being the operative word. As in, it is a matter of individual perception. You cannot speak for anyone else in the realm of how they, as an individual, perceive sexual sensations.
Perhaps the problem is that your thought paradigm cannot escape the idea that sex does not necessarily happen within an orifice?
Now you're just being an ass.
What I wanted you to explain further was the idea that someone might prefer fantasy and masturbation over actually interacting with someone, that the interaction would be the poor man's jerking off, and how that differed from what I was saying about how cultural pornification has made fantasy and stimulation seem like what sex is all about to some people. Were you not getting that, or are you this guy?
http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-7-most-obnoxious-fake-personalities-internet_p2/
I'm not making it sound one way or the other. Once again, I think you and I have vastly different paradigms about what sex is, evidenced by your last statement that you have no issues (with masturbation) as long as it doesn't REPLACE your sex life. You both masturbate. So masturbation is part of your sex life. It is not a replacement for anything. If it is true that you don't care if he masturbates, then it should also not bother you that he has orgasms without you. You made a big deal out of that point.
I can't explain YOUR words, only mine.
I imagine that there might indeed be people who'd rather masturbate than have a sex partner. I can't speak for them either.
Yes... okay, now, what would be the reason for that preference, what would that preference do to a marriage, and how might porn (the topic of the thread) factor into that?
2012 Reading Challenge
@DarkoGirl
I think you and I are on the same page.
Repeat: I imagine that there might indeed be people who'd rather masturbate than have a sex partner. I can't speak for them.
So... that was it? That was all you had to say on the topic, what I said backward, with no relevant thoughts on the matter?
I thought you were on the verge of saying something really interesting. Dammit, I can't believe I wasted time trying to pull that out of you.
:::yawn::: I'm going to masturbate.
H and I decided together that we don't want porn in our marriage. We discussed it early on in our dating relationship. That's what works for us.
I think if we had porn in our marriage it would have a negative effect on our sex life. We don't need porn to excite us and frankly I don't think we could have a hotter sex life(lots of fun and 7-9 times a week). We don't just use sex to feel good(which it does!), we use it to get closer to each other spiritually and emotionally. Bringing porn in just encourages desire for others not each other.
Porn + masturbation, can cause you to have a rewiring of your brain that leads to an addiction. The addiction can be as hard to break as someone who is addicted to heroin and other hard drugs. Just ask someone who is trying to stop after 10+ years. Don't believe me? Research it.
That's even getting into how porn hurts people.
The actors involved were sometimes molested as a child, need alcohol or drugs to disassociate from what they are doing, are unhappy and filled with shame and the risky sexual acts can cause STD's and even possibly injury. Some of the actors are unwillingly put into that situation. Coerced with drugs, or money or are outright sexual slaves.
There's the young boy who accidentally viewed porn, became curious and started molesting his younger sister or neighbor.
The husband who wants and tries to stop but can't go more than weeks without viewing porn. Even when he isn't watching it he is pressing his wife to perform life in the films.
I've seen many lives hurt by porn and it's totally unnecessary. My $.02
No, it's not bad; in fact, I think it can be a very helpful tool for a relationship that needs some "spicing up". As long as the person or people can handle it and not let it get out of control (ie: addiction or illegal porn), then why not?
My husband and I have two types of porn; porn we use when we're having adult time (we both have our favorite types), and porn we watch because it is down right HILARIOUS (some of the soft core stuff make for better comedies than most of the comedies Hollywood produces; best examples are Tarzina and Super Ninja Dolls).
We don't use the stuff for play time very often, and don't need it to get aroused.
I do think it is a personal choice. if you don't like it, don't watch it; even if that does seem to over simplify things.
2012 Reading Challenge
Quality female friendly or female respectful porn can be great for mature adults.
There is lots of crappy porn that messes with people but honestly, people develop kinks and expectations with or without porn.
This is a very good explanation. Kudos.