Starting Over
People are placed in and taken out of our lives for a multitude of reasons. My faith has me looking upward so I might stay on my path, forward to reach my future and to either side for the ones to walk near me on my journey.
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
FFFC
I've been MIA this week, so I'll start...
My XH and I had two dogs together and after the divorce he kept them and I would visit them. Our oldest furbaby turned 9 in January and he passed away unexpectedly on Sunday night. I moved 5 hours away from home and I wasn't able to go back to say goodbye and I feel like the worst mom in the world. I just wanted to be there so bad and I want to scoop our younger dog up in my arms and hold him and rock him. My XH said the baby (he is 6) is having a really hard time adjusting and the couple of times I've spoken to XH since then, we both start the water works. I feel guilty I didn't spend more time with them when I still lived in the same town.
People are placed in and taken out of our lives for a multitude of reasons. My faith has me looking upward so I might stay on my path, forward to reach my future and to either side for the ones to walk near me on my journey.
Re: FFFC
As for my FFFC, I may get flamed for this but whatevs I need to say this. I was really bothered by some of the answers on the "Goals" post earlier this week. Multiple nesties said that getting engaged or being in a relatinoship was their goal for the next 6-12 months. This really bothers me. Maybe I am being really judge-y but being in a relationship or getting engaged has NEVER been a goal of mine. I have so many things I want to accomplish in my life--on my own.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
nyg&p--My XH also got dog custody so I know how tough it must feel. I'm sorry for your loss. ((hugs))
I've also been MIA all week because I've been so busy blogging and on Twitter that I almost forgot to Nest.
I started seeing someone 15 years older than me. At this point it's not serious but I'm annoyed at how judgmental my friends are. I'm not marrying him tomorrow, I enjoy his company and we get along great. FFS I deserve to have a nice time with someone!
Oh good, I wasn't the only one side-eying that. It also upsets me when people refer to your wedding day as "the greatest day of your life" or "the best day of your life" or "the most important day of your life." I'm sure it will be lovely and all that, but I intend to accomplish a hell of a lot more with my life than simply getting hitched.
NYG&P, sorry to hear about your dog.
MCC, enjoy it! You do deserve to have fun. How old someone feels and acts means a heck of a lot more to me than the date on his birth certificate.
i'm sorry about your dog ny
thank you soo much dmarie for saying something. i too thought it strange to have getting engaged as a goal.
my fffc - tomorrow, i would like to do as little as humanly possible. i plan to go from the bed, to the couch and back to bed. oh, and i'm sure i'll make it to the kitchen a few times too. it's going to rain and it's perfect bum weather!
The one on Monday? I didn't see anyone in there saying they wanted to get engaged, or maybe I'm blind...
I completely agree!!! I thought the same thing when I read them but didn't want to say anything for fear of sounding snarky.
Being in a relationship is not really an accomplishable "goal" per say. Yes, you can do things to put yourself out there (which there's nothing wrong with), but you can't force a relationship and make it happen! Perhaps it's the mentality that you can and that it is a goal, which leads people to get into unhealthy relationships.
I don't see anything wrong with having a goal to be in a relationship either... but I think this all depends on perspective. Of course I am not going to enter in a relationship with someone that is not right for me to meet this deadline; I look at this as more of being open to a relationship as a new milestone after spending a lot of time grieving the loss of my marriage and dreams.
Now that I am older and hopefully more wiser, I see 'relationship' in a totally different way and focus more on what a relationship means to me and looking for that instead of leaving it up to fate. At the same time, I keep my view on my independence and other personal goals that I want to achieve as an individual. I see it as having many sides to me that have needs and wants.
Don't get me started on this. I've been on this board for 10 months and I realize most women on here are incapable of accepting to be single and doing things for themsevles with no man in the picture. Being single meaning no man in your life at this point in your life is a HUGE chance to do things for yourself and to gain confidence and strengh like never before.
Yes, the Monday post.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
I agree. I didn't reply to the Goals post, but if I did I would have listed getting engaged/married. Obviously it's not my only life goal, just the next step in setting myself up for moving, making it "official", and eventually having a child. I try not to put a lot of stock in having a "timeline" for my life since life happens while you make other plans, but I know what I want out of life. Flame me all you want!
i'm not sure i can quite articulate why i think it's strange to have "getting engaged" as a goal, i just do. i'm sure someone here will say it way better then i could.
right because you can't do things for yourself and be strong and confident if you have a man in your life
Like PP said, being in a relationship isn't something that you can "force". I can "force" myself to run a marathon--I train my ass off. I can't train or 100% cause a relationship to happen. It happens or it doesn't. So to me this isn't a goal.
IDK, maybe it is just my mentality but I will be OKAY if I never get married or get into a relationship. However, if I never run a marathon, I would be really, really bummed and not okay.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
A goal doesn't have to be something that you can guarantee or force yourself to do. Thousands of people have a goal of being the next American Idol, but they can't force that to happen. They can just try really hard and want it really bad.
FFFC - I get really irked when people feel the need to criticize the shared custody plan XH and I came up with. It works for us, we each get plenty of time with DS, and DS is happy and healthy. I don't care what "standard" is. All I care is what is best for DS and this is working great for all 3 of us.
Then again, I go back to my mentality. I think about running a marathon, I dream about running a marathon, I make plans on how to make this happen. I don't sit around and make plans on how to get engaged or get into a relationship.
But, to each their own.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
But yet I'd much rather be in a relationship than run a marathon. In fact, running a marathon would be a fate worse than death for me. But I don't give anyone else the side eye because that's their choice of a goal. The same respect should be given to others on their choice of goals.
THIS!!!! Thank you for articulating what I could not do well.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
according to dictionary.com a goal is: the result or achievement toward which effort is directed; aim; end.
so i guess it seems that if being engaged is a goal, that is the end all, be all. if you don't achieve your "goal" will you feel like a failure? i would understand if someone said their goal is to be emotionally ready to be in a relationship through counseling, soul searching, etc. to me, that is a good goal because it's through work on your part.
i don't know if any of that made sense.
The only things I have focused on the last 2 days are tracking my March Madness brackets and lining up plans for St Patty's day. I am totally fine with being an unproductive sloth at work.
I sent this text to an old flame last night:
"You are having dinner with me tomorrow night and you are going to like it!! Sorry but I am putting my foot down here. Hahahahaha"
She gets my sense of humor, loved the text, and I am taking her out to dinner tonight. Boom.
Not to sound snarky, but did you miss the part where I ended with "To each their own"? Did I say anything in the "goals" post stating that I didn't agree with their goals? Was I disrespectul? No, I didn't. I posted on the flame free confession Friday post that I didn't agree. Did I call anyone out specifically? No. So, last time I checked, I think I am being pretty respectful.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
To further back this up, when you have a goal you can come up with an action plan to accomplish that goal. For example, in order to reach my goal I'm going to do X, Y and Z.
There is no action plan for being in a relationship. And if you are in one and it's your goal to get engaged, if you force it too much you may very well scare the guy away! You can't force a relationship or an egagement. They need to just happen in the natural course of things. Neither is a goal that you can set out to accomplish.
I agree with Turtle on this one...she phrased it well. Everyone on this board knows that it takes two people to make a marriage work, and if only one of them wants it to work, it won't. We've been there, done that. Same goes for getting into a relationship. You can want to be in a relationship and try your darnest to get there, but it isn't going to do a bit of good if you don't meet someone who wants to be in a relationship with YOU. That's why it's a bit ridiculous to have a goal of being in a relationship. Nothing wrong with having a goal of signing up for a Match account or of meeting new people whenever possible. But you can't force a relationship to happen. And I also agree with Turtle that focusing SO HARD on finding someone to be in a relationship with sets you up for settling for less because it smacks of desperation.